You are the Dancing Queen

Can someone please explain to me why male figure skaters aren't treated like witches during the Salem Witch Trials? I mean, am I losing my friggin' mind???? These peckers actually think that they are swans or a calm pond as they glide over the ice. Ummm...what? You're not a swan...you're a grown ass man skating around in spandex with your junk tucked behind your ass in true "mangina" fashion. You can't actually feel like a man while your doing all those movements with your legs over your head, and when you run your hands all over face as if you were trying to bang yourself. Wow...you just did the unthinkable triple axle sow cow you've been starving yourself since you were 8 to perform....wow.....you think I give a damn? How bout I punch your precious face that you've probably had professionally ex foliated.....you sorry excuse for a man. When normal kids were playing football, hoops, baseball, or soccer....you woke up at 5am to put quality fairy time at the local skating rink. And that's only because the local hockey team would have absolutely pummeled you, givin you a swirly in the locker room, then made you eat a couple sweaty jocks.

Congrats to all the male figure skaters out there....keep up the good work. Whenever I am feeling bad about the black cloud that constantly hangs over my head on a daily basis....I can always think of you prancing nancies....and suddenly... I feel like a man again.