Friday, December 21, 2007

SI's Best Decision Since The Swimsuit Issue

I'm not sure if Sports Illustrated has been doing this for awhile but judging by the blowback thats been going on in the media over the past week I'm guessing they probably haven't. Apparently some guy over at the SI corporate headquarters decided that it would be a good idea to pick a cheerleader of the week and highlight her on their website. Whoever this guy is the president of Sports Illustrated should find him, give him tons of money, and promote him to his special assistant to stuff because the guy is a certifiable genius and should be involved in all the higher level decision. I can't believe they didn't come up with this idea earlier. I can't believe SI has been getting sh*t over this campaign. After all the pictures are relatively classy and nobody is getting hurt right? I mean they even threw in that heinous fat girl to make chicks feel better about themselves. WTF right? Take it from me. I've spent some time on ASU's campus and I bet it took the crew at least a day and a half to find a chick that gross at ASU. The campus is chalk-full of complete smoke-shows. I love you Lauren Thompson


Home Grown Talent

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you Boston's best undiscovered talent: Lily Holbrook. This chick possesses so many phenomenal qualities its almost hard to figure out where to begin. Norman P. was so lovestruck by her last night that he couldn't even watch her sexily strum her guitar in the Park Street T station. He was flushed, breathing quickly, and could barely control himself. She's that f*cking hot.

This gem can be found busking around Boston. I've seen her in Harvard Square and Park Street, and it made me LITERALLY not want to get on the train. She has a super sexy voice, plays a solid piece of guitar, and is gorgeous. Which all begs the question... what in the sweet name of all that is holy is she doing playing in the subway?!?!

Check her out at but be careful... Norman has called dibs, and he's pretty serious about the girl. That being said, I'm completely willing to fight him to the death for her.

Maybe There Is Something To Be Learned From The French

Now hold off before you completely write this post off as another political diatribe because I assure you its not. Normally I would agree with you that we need the French just as bad as we need another butthole. However in this case I have to give major props to current French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Over the past 12 years or so he’s been married to some wretched whore, Cecilia Sarkozy, who obviously had as much sense as a half retarded donkey. For the past five years their relationship seemed to be on the skids until some photos surfaced in 2005 with Cecilia sucking face and holding hands with some clown in NYC. What a dumb broad right? She’s a fairly high profile person and her friggin husband is running for the presidency in France, but this nimrod thinks she can go to New York and get her own private slap and tickle and not have anyone find out?? Not to mention that Sarkozy was the presidential hopeful and doing alright for himself but it obviously wasn’t enough for this chick.

Anyways they ended up getting back together for Sarkozy’s final push for the presidency. And now, not even a full year into his first year they are getting a divorce evidently because Cecilia can’t keep her gross roast beef curtains in her pants. So what does Sarkozy do? What any one of us would LOVE to do if found in the same position. He gets a former supermodel that is half the age and about three times as hot as his ex. You think he’s sleeping better at night? I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s a bit more enjoyable having perky little apples bounce in your face as opposed to saggy, flabby titties that resemble plastic bags full of vanilla yogurt.

In conclusion well done Nicolas! We should all take a page out of your book.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Oops They Did It Again !

OK Magazine has confirmed that 16-year old Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers.....yes, we have to endure 9 months of more Spears baby talk, and this time it's not even her cum guzzling, pig sister snagging all the headlines! Some turd named Casey Aldridge managed to slip some spermies past the Dominek Hasek ovary kick saves. What a lucky fuckin' prick. Dropping a load in one of these sisters is like hitting all your numbers in Powerball. Lynne Spears, up for the award of worst mother of the millennium, has this to say about her little angel...

"I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

Holy shit lady. Are you fucking serious? I wish I had a mother like you in high school. Your daughters are running around getting pounded, shitting out babies, and pounding Pablo Escobar amounts of cocaine and God knows what else....and that's the line you throw at us? Are you a friggin retard? Your oldest daughter can't get out of her car without showing us her punching bag snapper....and this is how you repay us?

At least the 16-year old sexually active Spears had the stones to protect her Nickelodeon fans....

"I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," she says. "But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."

It's better to wait ? Says who? I definitely don't think it's better to wait....I think everyone should have the opportunity to smash as early and often as they'd like. Who are you to tell us differently? How about using a rubber.....ever think of that ? Nah, you probably didn't. After all....procreation is pretty much the main hobby in Louisiana anyway. I hope your entire family drowns in the Bayou.

***quotes from