Thursday, November 22, 2007

The Pats By How Much?!

The complaints about the Patriots running up the score continue. Bill Simmon's theory about the "Eff You" touchdown continues to gain validity. Vegas continues scratch its collective head and put up enormous spreads. It's a good time to be a Pats fan.

This week the Pats take on the Eagles, and are favored by a mere 23.5 points. The only thing more crazy than this line, is the fact that is seems completely realistic.

If this is the spread against a .500 team with a decent defense, a banged up (but really good) running back, an underperforming but potentially dangerous QB, and a solid coaching staff, what will the line be when they play the 2-8 Jets in three weeks, or the winless Dolphins in 4?

The Jets game could get completely out of hand if the Patriots seek revenge for the horribly overblown and wholly ridiculous "Spygate" fiasco. I wouldn't want to stand next to Eric Mangini during that game because his tears might get my Pat's jersey wet.

And what about Miami? They could very well be 0-13 at that point. Even stink would say they stink. Considering they have an inexperienced coaching staff, their stud back is out for the season, they have no QB, and their defense probably couldn't stop a D-III college team, what will the odds be? Pats by 35? Pats by 45?

This reminds me of the Superfans skit on Saturday Night Live where they predict the Bears to win 520-3, or take the Bulls over their opponent 152 to -15 (and then explain what the Bulls will do to make the other team go into negative points). So realistically, what will the line be against the Jets and Dolphins?

CNN Ruined My Thanksgiving

I usually have about 3 full plates of food at Thanksgiving, but thanks to CNN I have no appetite. According to an article on this 10 pound hairball was removed from an 18 year old woman's stomach. I'm having a hard time finding words to describe how f*cking gross this is.

The hairball (shown above) is 15 inches long, 7 inches wide, and 7 inches deep. Appartently the woman from whom they extracted this disgusting lump of crap suffers from Trichophagia, a condition where you obsessively eat your hair. Sick!!

This article made me physically nauseous. I'm going to spend the next 3 hours attempting to expunge this image from my memory before I tuck in to an amazing turkey dinner.

Props to Canadian Journalism

I came across this gem during my morning coffee. Kudos to you, Random Canadian Journalist, for this blistering double entendre.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Tommy Heinsohn Is A Gem

I’m sure most of you reading this have a special place in your heart for Tommy Heinsohn. For years now, he’s been the color commentary guy for the C’s and has been completely crapping all over opposing teams and referees – when the situation warranted it. I mean, for me, every time I do something remotely cool in life I wonder if its worthy of a Tommy Point. Chances are it probably isn’t.

Heinsohn may be the second most biased announcer in TV history, second only to YOUR Derek Sanderson who simply thought the Bruins could do no wrong and should have won every game by at least 5 goals. Does anyone remember when Sanderson used to call the games on TV38?

So far this season with the Celtics reinventing The Big Three version 2.0 Tommy hasn’t had much to vent about recently and to be honest has probably been happier than a pig in sh*t. However this Sunday provided a unique opportunity for Heinsohn to make a HUGE splash on 2007-08 season and let everyone know that he’s still got ‘it’. With seconds left in the game after Hedo Turkoglu hit a go-ahead three Heinsohn screams “Someone pull his greencard!!!”…….unbelievable….a classic! I’m glad to see old age hasn’t begun to get to him.

Although I couldn’t find footage of that particular call, I did find this video that highlights some of his best work. I mean Tommy puts on a clinic in this clip. “These guys are ridiculous…..THESE GUYS ARE RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!”. The video messes up a little but the audio is fine.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Chelsea, Mass is Weird

Much to my surprise....I awoke out of a blacked out coma on Saturday morning (on the floor with no blanket or pillows or any sort of indication that I went to bed by choice).....and had absolutely no idea where I was, what town I was in, or who resided in any of the 3 bedrooms that appeared to have closed doors.

You would think that simply looking out the window would help a little bit....but it actually made me even more confused. There was some serious looking characters walking up and down the street, in the mist of a smoggy fog haze....and I think one of these miserable humans even attempted to give me a care bear stare through the window, as if he'd never laid eyes on a Caucasian male before.

Low and behold, I somehow made it to the residence of Wimpy Miles, Slowstuff, and Steina in Chelsea, Massachusetts. A town I am officially giving 5 fingers down. The Tobin Bridge is an abortion. I can't blame Wimpy for actually buying a place of residence, which is the first step to obtaining personal wealth....but I think you mutts could have done a lot better without being the 3 kids that look like they could be NSYNC living in Harlem.

Thanks for the hospitality perverts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!