And the Winner Is...

I swear if I inadvertently read who won the olympics 'this morning' before I get to watch it TONIGHT one more time by innocently surfing the internet not looking for this information, I'm going to have to start actually doing work at work. The horror!

Best Olympian Ever or Beneficiary of Circumstances?

Okay, I get it. Mike Phelps is a great swimmer. Probably the best in the world right now. But with the breaking of Mark Spitz’s record there’s the claim that Phelps is the best Olympian ever. He might be…but what are we basing that on? I’m not even 100% sure what that means. Does it mean that Phelps is the best athlete that’s ever competed in the Olympics? I mean if the Olympics are the hallmark athletic event and you’re being dubbed the best Olympian ever I guess that means you’re the best athlete right?

Its clear that Phelps is a freak of nature and has completely bent his sport over and had his way with it. However, if I was an athlete either competing in this Olympics or in the past I’d be friggin’ livid about dubbing Phelps the best Olympian ever. Lets see, Phelps has a record 8 gold medals which means he’s had at least 8 chances (actually he swam 17 times so he had 17 chances!) to medal. What if you make the Olympics as a soccer, hockey or baseball player? Last time I checked you only win one medal for winning those events.

I’m not all that well versed in the arts of swimming but I get that for Phelps to win 8 medals he has to use different skill sets in each race. But isn’t baseball a five tool sport? Don’t all sports require a variety of athletic ability? You don’t also get a gold for most home runs hit or most bases stolen. If you did it might level out the playing field if you’re basing the title Best Olympian Ever solely on medal count.

I guess we should just give Phelps the limelight for the next 5 days. After all what’s really out there for him when he comes home? Being the spokesperson for USA swimming? Baseball, football and basketball are so big in this country the NHL can barely keep its head above water so I don’t think swimming has a chance in hell of getting a piece of the pie. Also, how often are we really going to talk about Phelp’s accomplishment…..2 weeks? A month…. maybe? How often did you hear Mark Spitz’s name until a week before the Olympics?

So in closing well done Mike Phelps. You definitely killed it this Olympics. I’m not ready to give you the title of Best Olympian Ever BUT I hope you can leverage this performance into getting some poon so you can stop slobbering all over your gross sisters and mom. I’ll look forward to watching highlights of your performance every four years.

Orlando

Finally….Somebody Gets It!

If you haven’t heard yet Swedish Greco-Roman wrestler, Ara Abrahamian, pulled a classic hissy fit after winning bronze today. During the award ceremony, after he was given the bronze medal, he packed up his marbles, stormed off and threw his medal to the ground. I first came across this story while getting pretty lit in an airport bar so I didn’t get any sound. At first glance I thought this was the first act of protest, during the games, against the current situation in China. To be honest I was almost interested for 2 seconds then I figured if some crazy psycho was going to protest the games the least they could do is streak an event, or punch a Chinese person in the face on TV but this?? C’mon dude, throwing a medal is so (sigh) predictable.

However! After further review it turns out this pud was just pissed he didn’t win gold. I don’t blame him. I play to win too. Some people would say just medaling in the Olympics is a symbol of a lifelong achievement. We have a name for those people where I come from. Losers. He’s claiming the judges screwed him and he may have a point. The three judges were from Switzerland, Cuba and Canada. Put those three countries in a room together and all bets are off. Its rumored Abrahamian flashed the blood hand sign to the judges after he stormed off. The Win Column Olympic Correspondent couldn’t be reached to confirm or deny this claim.

In his only comments post match he said “This will be my last match. I wanted to take gold, so I consider this Olympics a failure”. Personally I like his style. I’ve been living my life by a new rule for the past 6 months. If you can’t win just quit. So kudos to you Ara. Well played good sir. Let that be a lesson for all you kids out there. If something doesn’t work out just quit, sulk and have a Swedish meatball.

Busily,

Orlando

Even Air Jordan Did it Twice

I'll admit, this is a very sad day for me....even though none of you should really give a damn....or judging by the current state of this sorry excuse for a website, will ever get to read this. I've decided to hang up my blogging jersey for the 2nd time in 10 months. They say you should go out on top, when the game just isn't fun for you anymore. Well, we never came anywhere close to the top, but just like COUGAR in Top Gun.....I've got to turn in my wings. To quote him exactly...."I've lost the edge."

If you fellas decide to keep living the dream, you all have my support, and I'll be sure to write funny comments and make fun of all of your misery. It's been real, it's been fun, and you're all still a bunch of perverted prick fucks!

I'm Just Saying

I was talking to a friend recently and he brought up a good point. Why is it that both Marquise Hill and Sean Taylor tragically passed away this year but it seems that Hill is all but an after thought but every time I turn on TV there is some type of tribute to Sean Taylor?

For all intents and purposes Hill was a much nicer guy. He spent a ton of time and a good chunk of his paycheck to help rebuild New Orleans after Katrina. After being drafted in 2004 Hill spent the bulk of his time in the off-season at his alma mater, LSU, where he trained and mentored current LSU players. If you do any type of research you’ll be hard up to find anyone say anything negative about him.

Taylor, on the other hand, had his bouts with good decision making. I won’t get into all the dumb sh*t he did at University of Miami in light of keeping this post brief. But during his rookie season (among other things) Taylor was fined $25,000 for walking out on a mandatory rookie symposium. He was fined 7 times that year for late hits, uniform violations and unsportsman-like penalties culminating in a $17,000 fine for spitting in the face of TJ Houshmandzadeh. Evidently 17k ‘aint no thang’ to Taylor because this retard did the same thing the following year when he was ejected from a game for spitting at Michael Pittman (of which he was fined 17k……again).

Other than the fact that Taylor’s fines were financing the NFL’s operation budget in 2005 Taylor was charged with aggravated assault with a firearm and a felony and misdemeanor battery charge. All this was because of a dispute over two ATVs. For real.

So after looking at both resumes I’m surprised the NFL hasn’t at least memorialized both players equally instead of saying absolutely NOTHING about Hill. Don’t get me wrong, I think what happened to Sean Taylor is a tragedy and he should be remembered for the good things he brought into this world but it seems to me that the NFL would want to highlight a player like Hill. He’s stand-up guy, gave back to his community and helped out younger players as they aspired to be in the NFL. Is it because Goodell simply doesn’t like Belichick and the Pats? Is it only because Hill died before the season started?

Even the Patriots have been slacking. There was some mention of Hill early in the season but since then I haven’t heard one player utter his name. You’d think Jarvis Green and Randall Gay would step up and say something seeing as how all three came from LSU and Gay was Hill’s roommate for 2 years. For a team that has prided themselves on being a team and playing as a unit they sure seemed to drop the ball with remembering a fallen teammate. I’m just saying….

Orlando

Suds Returns to Nashville....Live Updates Dec 29th-Jan1st

That's right motherfuckers....I'm making the road trip to Nashville, Tennessee again.....only this time I have an even bigger appetite for destruction and I'm going down at full strength. As you may recall on my last trip to Nashville I had a mangled hand and half an eye brow due to the "head butt heard round the world" I gave a chain linked fence in the softball all-star game. I actually get back to the Commodore's country lair before he even flies in. So, on Saturday I'll be drinking beers at an alarming rate at the airport in a Tedy Bruschi jersey and a cowboy hat for two hours until the Commodore finally decides to show up. After a couple nights of straight blacking out with the country folk....and barring any felonies that might happen to fall in my lap.....Dec 31st has the opportunity to be one of the greatest nights of my life. It just so happens that Florida State plays Kentucky in the Music City Bowl at 4pm on New Years Eve. So what? Well, I happen to like hot chicks.....especially drunk college chicks. I will be tailgating with both schools....and hope to have some photos and live interviews with ladies from both schools. That is....before they hit the bar scene in Nashville for New Years.....completely cocked from their bowl games. Imagine the possibility for The Win Column......Simply Suds.....a camera.....a pen....a piece of paper.....and one sick imagination for a human.

Stay tuned lads....I'm going into confederate territory with thousands of drunk college girls on a night where dropping kiss bombs is completely common place. I can already taste the sweet nectar of a southern girl's spit. Granted it will be after I buy her 8 patron shots....but hey...this is America.

Pretty Boy To Fight In MMA??

“Pretty Boy” Floyd Mayweather is indeed pondering involvement in MMA. The interest was spawned when Mayweather began to establish a relationship with Mark Cuban while both being contestants on this years “Dancing With The Stars”. Evidently the two are smitten with each other because Cuban carried two of Mayweather’s championship belts to the ring before the Hatton fight. The two were also seen in Vegas together last week. Also, an insider here at The Win spotted the two leaving Cuddles and Bubbles hand and hand conveniently gnawing on each others tongues.

Anyways, although Mayweather hasn’t come out and confirmed he is thinking about fighting in MMA, both he and Cuban have confirmed that Mayweather will definitely be involved in some way, shape or form with Cuban’s HDNet Fights which airs MMA bouts regularly.

Historically speaking there have only been two fighters, Ray Mercer and Frans Botha, that have made the switch from boxing to MMA and both were abysmal. At first, I didn’t like Mayweather. I thought he was a cocky, smug, self-involved punk. After watching him for the past 2+ years I’ve been completely won over. The guy talks more trash than anybody but the thing is he can back it up….completely. I think he’s great for boxing because other than the two fights Mayweather was in this year basically no one is watching it.

That said I think the move to MMA is a terrible idea for Mayweather. I get that they’re trying to transfer the high level of interest in MMA to boxing and I’m all for that. But I think Mayweather would get his clock cleaned and thus completely tarnish his all-important image that has made him what he is today. Word on the street is that Mayweather may get involved in just sponsoring fighters or possibly even training a few. Take it from me Floyd, I say you go that route and don’t completely ruin your entire career.

SI's Best Decision Since The Swimsuit Issue

I'm not sure if Sports Illustrated has been doing this for awhile but judging by the blowback thats been going on in the media over the past week I'm guessing they probably haven't. Apparently some guy over at the SI corporate headquarters decided that it would be a good idea to pick a cheerleader of the week and highlight her on their website. Whoever this guy is the president of Sports Illustrated should find him, give him tons of money, and promote him to his special assistant to stuff because the guy is a certifiable genius and should be involved in all the higher level decision. I can't believe they didn't come up with this idea earlier. I can't believe SI has been getting sh*t over this campaign. After all the pictures are relatively classy and nobody is getting hurt right? I mean they even threw in that heinous fat girl to make chicks feel better about themselves. WTF right? Take it from me. I've spent some time on ASU's campus and I bet it took the crew at least a day and a half to find a chick that gross at ASU. The campus is chalk-full of complete smoke-shows. I love you Lauren Thompson

Orlando

Home Grown Talent

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you Boston's best undiscovered talent: Lily Holbrook. This chick possesses so many phenomenal qualities its almost hard to figure out where to begin. Norman P. was so lovestruck by her last night that he couldn't even watch her sexily strum her guitar in the Park Street T station. He was flushed, breathing quickly, and could barely control himself. She's that f*cking hot.

This gem can be found busking around Boston. I've seen her in Harvard Square and Park Street, and it made me LITERALLY not want to get on the train. She has a super sexy voice, plays a solid piece of guitar, and is gorgeous. Which all begs the question... what in the sweet name of all that is holy is she doing playing in the subway?!?!

Check her out at http://www.lilyholbrookmusic.com/ but be careful... Norman has called dibs, and he's pretty serious about the girl. That being said, I'm completely willing to fight him to the death for her.

Maybe There Is Something To Be Learned From The French

Now hold off before you completely write this post off as another political diatribe because I assure you its not. Normally I would agree with you that we need the French just as bad as we need another butthole. However in this case I have to give major props to current French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Over the past 12 years or so he’s been married to some wretched whore, Cecilia Sarkozy, who obviously had as much sense as a half retarded donkey. For the past five years their relationship seemed to be on the skids until some photos surfaced in 2005 with Cecilia sucking face and holding hands with some clown in NYC. What a dumb broad right? She’s a fairly high profile person and her friggin husband is running for the presidency in France, but this nimrod thinks she can go to New York and get her own private slap and tickle and not have anyone find out?? Not to mention that Sarkozy was the presidential hopeful and doing alright for himself but it obviously wasn’t enough for this chick.

Anyways they ended up getting back together for Sarkozy’s final push for the presidency. And now, not even a full year into his first year they are getting a divorce evidently because Cecilia can’t keep her gross roast beef curtains in her pants. So what does Sarkozy do? What any one of us would LOVE to do if found in the same position. He gets a former supermodel that is half the age and about three times as hot as his ex. You think he’s sleeping better at night? I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s a bit more enjoyable having perky little apples bounce in your face as opposed to saggy, flabby titties that resemble plastic bags full of vanilla yogurt.

In conclusion well done Nicolas! We should all take a page out of your book.

Orlando

Oops They Did It Again !

BREAKING NEWS: 16-YEAR OLD JAMIE LYNN SPEARS IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!

OK Magazine has confirmed that 16-year old Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers.....yes, we have to endure 9 months of more Spears baby talk, and this time it's not even her cum guzzling, pig sister snagging all the headlines! Some turd named Casey Aldridge managed to slip some spermies past the Dominek Hasek ovary kick saves. What a lucky fuckin' prick. Dropping a load in one of these sisters is like hitting all your numbers in Powerball. Lynne Spears, up for the award of worst mother of the millennium, has this to say about her little angel...

"I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

Holy shit lady. Are you fucking serious? I wish I had a mother like you in high school. Your daughters are running around getting pounded, shitting out babies, and pounding Pablo Escobar amounts of cocaine and God knows what else....and that's the line you throw at us? Are you a friggin retard? Your oldest daughter can't get out of her car without showing us her punching bag snapper....and this is how you repay us?

At least the 16-year old sexually active Spears had the stones to protect her Nickelodeon fans....

"I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," she says. "But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."

It's better to wait ? Says who? I definitely don't think it's better to wait....I think everyone should have the opportunity to smash as early and often as they'd like. Who are you to tell us differently? How about using a rubber.....ever think of that ? Nah, you probably didn't. After all....procreation is pretty much the main hobby in Louisiana anyway. I hope your entire family drowns in the Bayou.

***quotes from msn.com

Paranormal State

Wow. Just finished watching my first episode of "Paranormal State" on A&E. I'm not much of a TV guy, but this show is riveting! Now, Wimpy may or may not be a little afraid of ghosts... or a lot... I'll never tell. But this show had me pinned to the back of my seat. The fact that I live in an old rectory that was built over a hundred years ago and makes more noises on a nightly basis than Sudsy getting to the bottom of a carton of lo mein probably added a bit of tension to watching this thing, but still. Great stuff. I'm afraid to get off the couch. Please don't tell anyone.

I do, however, have enough courage to go remove the mezuzah from my doorpost to stay in good graces with my invisible Catholic roommates. Shalom means peace, Father! Peace!

'Oldest human being' dies at 116

BBC - Hryhoriy Nestor, a bachelor who was thought in his lifetime to be the oldest person in the world, has died at the age of 116 in Ukraine. Mr Nestor died in his sleep on Friday night in the village of Stary Yarychev, in the eastern region of Lviv, the Kiev newspaper Segodnya reports.

Born, according to family documents, on 15 March 1891, Mr Nestor, a former farm labourer, put his long life down to the fact that he never married.
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You gotta love this. This old geezer probably drank and smoked enough throughout his life to satisfy an entire fleet of sailors, and was able to stay one step ahead of father time because he never got hitched. What, a nagging hag harping at your ear every day for the vast majority of your life isn't good for you? What a revelation.

No word on whether Nestor was a fan of The Win Column. Something tells me he coulda been our "Blue."

As an aside, his relative provided further explanation: "He didn't find himself a mate because he was a short man and never had money," Oksana believes.

Gee, thanks for your glowing assessment, Oksana... for Nestor's sake, I hope you break an ankle on your next triple-lutz, you kinda hot weird looking chick who I'm not sure if I'm attracted to or not.

Japan Scientists Develop Fearless Mouse

(AP) Scientists at Tokyo University say they have used genetic engineering to successfully switch off a mouse's instinct to cower at the smell or presence of cats — showing that fear is genetically hardwired and not learned through experience, as commonly believed.
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Wow. Can they turn off my fear of gentiles?

It's the Holiday Season... Make Yourself Useful

Hey, you miserable pricks. Given that it's Christmas and all, and the fact that you're most likely doing more harm than good throughout the year, here's a chance to do something decent for a change. Check out www.modestneeds.org. Apparently you can donate to different people who are in a tight spot... the company vets these people and runs checks on them to make sure their requests are legit, and since the donations don't go to the actual people (the site pays the debt directly), you can rest assured that your hard earned cash isn't being spent on hookers and booze (which is a nice change for some of you). Some of these people should just suck it up and get a second job, but if you browse around a little bit you can find some people who are really fucked.

So there you go... don't ever say I never did anything for you.

Saving souls one jerk at a time,
Wimpy

By the way, the kid on the left in the picture above got into hardcore porn when he grew up. You believe that shit?!?

I Hate Hillary

Just sayin'...

Hippies Don't Know Their Ass From Their Elbow

I drive a gas guzzling SUV....and yes it costs me about $55 to fill that pig more often than not....but to be honest with you, I don't really give a shit. I could care less that my American made beast might omit more crap into the atmosphere....booo hoooo....the green effect...wahhhhhhhhh. What are you hippies going to do ? Tell Al Gore on me ? The proof is in the pudding. I just flew home at 45 MPH on side roads in 4 wheel drive during the middle of a blizzard. I saw at least a couple Ford Focuses and at least 2 HYBRIDS parked sideways off the road after not being able to hang with the big boys. How's your environmentally correct car now you pieces of shit ! I don't give a rat's ass if I'm preventing my grandchildren's grandchildren from breathing in healthy air....the only thing that matters is that I got home quickly and safely.

You lose again hippies....when will you ever learn ? Sick hybrid.....losers.

***and no I don't drive a Hummer....but just wanted to emphasize my point here.

Arthur Blank Must Have Been A Real D-Bag In A Previous Life

How else can you explain how Blank has been utterly bent over plugged in his pooper recently? I mean this guy can’t buy a bucket right? Look at it this way. To say that picking Mike Vick number one overall in 2001 didn’t work out might be the biggest understatement since Schilling said if the Sox sign Santana they’ll have a tough time not winning 120 games. Sure, NFL teams make bad draft decisions all the time no big deal. But after the dog fighting debacle of the past year Blank lost his franchise player, his team's name was dragged through the mud, his team was ripped apart and he lost his fan base. But what’s worse is that Mike Vick helped rebuild the fan base in Atlanta. Vick sold out that stadium every Sunday and got the fans in Hotlanta interested in football again. Since then, the Falcons stink worse then ever. The player people were coming to see is just starting to serve a two year sentence and the fans aren’t showing up anymore.

Blank tried to make a power move to hire a new and upcoming coach in Bobby “two pump chump” Petrino to turn the franchise around. 13 weeks into the season Petrino poops out of his 3 year contract to sign with Arkansas. This nimrod signed contracts that add up to 14 years of service in a year and a half at three different places. Would you hire this guy? The players are pissed, Blank’s pissed, the fans are pissed and worst of all they still stink. Hopefully the players will band together and come out and kick some ass for the rest of the season just on general principle.

I’m not sure who you pissed off Art, or what type of heinous acts you committed in a previous life, but it must have been pretty awful to have this string of bad luck. Sorry dude. I feel bad for you. I really do.

P.S. On a complete side note, I think the comments Blank made during this weeks MNF game are completely fine. Give the guy a friggin break for christ’s sake.

Kimbo Slice is a Bad Man

A good friend of mine introduced me to Kimbo Slice tonight. I had never heard of this guy....but holy sh*t....he's known as the new king of street fighting. He's a power puncher that doesn't get phased by anyone's punches and throws absolute hay makers and a crushing uppercut. I did find one fight on the internet where he loses to a huge guy....but this 9 minute video is out of hand. If this doesn't get your pulse racing and make you want to punch the next person that orders 67 coffees in front of you at Dunkin Donuts, then you are either high on drugs, or you're wearing tighty whities with skid marks on em.

Kimbo Slice is a baaaaaaad man. I'll whip your head boyyyyyyyyy.

Third Time is a Charm....or Not

OK, I have to admit that I hadn't had the opportunity to take Cornstarr's suggestion and view the 2girls1finger video after I had informed this site of the horrid things I first saw on 2girls1cup.

I watched the video tonight....and immediately started dry heaving and wishing I could poke my eyes out of my head. It wasn't until I was feeling very faint that I realized that there was a link below the video to the THIRD and final installment of the video trilogy. http://www.4girlsfingerpaint.com/ I am here to tell you that I no longer have faith in humanity. I think that we live in a filthy world and we're all going to hell. I can't even begin to comment on the sh*t fantasy web site's THIRD tummy turnover.

You all know you're gonna go right to the website at your first opportunity. So what are you waiting for ?

May God Bless My Genes and Future Offspring

One could argue I'm a talentless hack. Sure, I'm a good guy, and I like to think I work hard, but when push comes to shove I'm just another douchebag in a tie, caught up in the rat-race of life. So fuck me, man. And fuck Billy Ray Cyrus, too. Aside from having a few false teeth (presumably he's got 'em, given the red on his neck), we also share the fact that we're both just a couple of douchebags living in a douchebag world. While he's had his 15 minutes, and mine likely will never come, Billy and I are old chums in the douchebag department. But Billy's got one up on me (and the rest of you). His goddamn daughter.

You may have heard of this broad (maybe when Norman jumped the gun and posted about her pregnancy... which by the end of that day turned out to be only a false rumor... oops). I'm not even going to bother looking up her real name, but she plays "Hannah Montana" on what I assume is a show on Nickelodeon. The girl is like 15 or something (again, I ain't looking her up), and apparently wildly popular with the teeny-bopper scene (and with Sudsy after a couple). So anyway, I won't bother you with the rest of the gory details but will instead cut to the chase... sales of her merchandise this year totaled over $26 BILLION! BILLION! So let's say she's getting a modest 10% cut. That's 2.6 Million, right? No, I mean 26. Or 260? No, dummy, it's $2.6 BILLION dollars. My god, man. I can only pray my kid has the means to stick my decrepit ass in a half-way decent nursing home when I start smelling weird, let alone make this kind of cheese before they've got a license to drive (Oh, Mercedes Lane, how I love thee!). Fuck me man, I guarantee I'm already doing something wrong and I ain't even got a kid yet.

May God help us all.

Crack Is Making A Comeback!

That’s right folks, our good ole friend crack cocaine is making a comeback and you heard it here first. Some nitwits down at the U.S. Sentencing Commission thought that all those “criminals’ who got busted for crack were actually really nice people with good hearts and decided to take a look at the law again. So this week they’re meeting to discuss/vote on the possibility of easing of crack cocaine punishment guidelines. Lets just say for the sake of this post that they actually do change the law and make the mandatory minimum sentencing much less drastic. Not only will they change the law moving forward, these retards are making the decision retro-active, so all the crackheads from New Jack City will reap the benefits. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's seems to be spearheading the movement….maybe she was in the holiday spirit with Chanukah and all.

Either way, just think in a few short months the flood gates will open and the onslaught will begin. Sorry to all of you guys who bought property in ‘new and upcoming’ neighborhoods. Those neighborhoods have recently been down-graded to ‘shit out of luck, spiraling downward rapidly’ neighborhoods.

Mayweather v. Hatton: Quick Reaction

WARNING: If you're planning on watching the fight on replay and don't already know the results, don't read the below...

Wow. What a fight. Here's my first take (a few beers deep, of course).

Not necessarily an obsessive boxing fan, I decided to buy the fight tonight after reading about it all week on-line. After going for broke on the $54.99 Comcast purchase, I settled in to catch up with several back-to-back episodes of HBO's 24/7 fight promotion. Whoever is running the marketing over there, bravo... I was amped up after episode 1 for this fight. By the end of episode 3, I wanted to turn the clocks ahead to hurry up and skip the Manfredo fight (pathetic) to get to Michael Buffer's now-tired intro.

Heading into this thing, I was rooting for Hatton. The humble, affable, blue collar tough-guy from England, I wanted to see this limey stuff his Brit-mitt into Mayweather's shit-talking mouth... Even though I respect "Pretty Boy... AKA Money" Mayweather's skills, I wanted to see an understated guy work him. As I said to Slowstuff prior to the fight though, I like Mayweather a lot... I just wanted to see if he really was (if he hadn't proven it already) as good as he told me he was.

So out of the gate, Hatton came out flying... He almost knocked Mayweather down early-on (I believe in round two), which would have been a first -- and at this point let me digress and say that I texted Chieftain pre-fight predicting Hatton's victory by way of K.O. (to which he replied, "IMPOSSIBLE"). The crowd was incredible... the place had to have been more than 50% filled with Hatton's hooligan following... the match sounded like a World Cup game. The chants, the drunks... awesome. I thought we had a chance here. But true to form (and shit-talking), Mayweather proved to be too slick, too quick, and too good. Pretty Boy turned the fight and unapologetically worked Hatton like an illegal on Sunday. The dude is the real deal. He sat Hatton down in the 10th with a defensively thrown left-hook, and then the fight was stopped a few Mayweather dandies later. Wow. Game Over. Done deal.

What I love about Mayweather is that this dude has the biggest mouth in the world, but absolutely backs it up... how can you not respect that?!? He's like Anthony Smith... but the complete opposite. Money Mayweather can run his mouth until the end of time... or until Sudsy swears off the Bud Lights... whichever comes first.

Great fight. If you missed it, be sure to check out the replay on HBO in the days to come.

Happy Chanukah (yes, it's still going on). Shalom, fight fans.

- Wimpy

PS: Can we please start a collection to get Larry Merchant admitted to a nursing home -- or maybe to a loony bin? Jesus.

*** photo courtesy of espn.com ***

All Hail Brady

My mom typically emails me pretty bad jokes which fall into the "Corny Things Only Your Mom Would Think Are Funny" category, but this one was worthy of a post here...

God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?" Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left. Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, "What do you believe?" Tony says,"I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields." God is greatly moved by Tony's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right. Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?" Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

A New Level Of Human Depravity

So this will give you an indication of how my Friday night has gone so far...

I'm 15 Miller Lites deep, and I just watched the 2 Girls 1 Cup video... and I'm here to tell you all about it. This video is famous for being the most disgusting video on the internet, and I'm gonna dispel all the f*cking mystery surrounding it. Blogs post reactions of people seeing the video for the first time, just for entertainment, that's how shocking it is (supposedly). If you're a masochist, the clip can be found at www.2girls1cup.com

So I watch the video, and it's pretty gross, but nowhere near as gross as I thought it would be. The clip opens with a white chick and an indian chick (dots not feathers) making out. The indian chick is pulling down the white chick's shirt and sucking on her titties; its hot, not bad at all.

Then they focus on a close up of the indian chick's ass, and she sh*ts out diarrhea into a pint glass. Then the two girls start tonguing it. It's sick. Then they focus in on the white chick, and she's actually eating the shit. She's moving the diarrhea in and out of her mouth, then she swallows it.

At this point I was convinced that things couldn't get worse... but apparently they could. The girls start puking on each other. And not just on each other, but in each other's mouths. It's horrendous.

The clip lasts about 15 seconds longer, and then shuts off. Any normal human being would stop at this point. But not me. Not Cornstarr. I'm on a mission to eradicate any semblance of innocence that I ever, EVER possessed. And this is how I found something that TRUMPS www.2girls1cup.com

Granted, its from the same people who brought you www.2girls1cup.com, but its worse. Way more fowl. I'm not going to tell you what happens in this video... you can judge for yourself. It can be found at:

www.2girls1finger.com