Friday, October 12, 2007

Term of the Week


The Brits out-swear us, out-slang us, and just plain out-filthy us on a consistent basis when it comes to language. They have words that are so disgusting we don't even know what they mean. For example, if someone called your sister a slapper, slag, or said they'd pull her, you'd know you were being insulted, you just wouldn't know how.

This must end.

In an effort do expand the breadth, depth, and luridness of the American-English lexicon, I am offering up the term of the week. Call it a f*cking education.

Each term of the week will be pushing the boundaries of decency, expanding your mind (or more likely, the gutter in which it will exist), and basically give you new sh*t to throw at your friends over a beer or six.

With this in mind, I begin with Wafflestomping:

Wafflestomping has 2 meanings. The first, and more widely used, means beating the ever living piss out of somebody to the point where the tracks of your boot are left all over their face, leaving a waffle pattern.

The second, and more hilarious usage, comes from stupid hippies who want to conserve water... or perhaps from ultimate utilitarians, depending on your perspective. In order to save time and to avoid the awful hassle of using a proper toilet, they will take a dump while in the shower, and then stomp it down the drain with their foot. Needless to say, you don't want to be housemates with these folks.

...and the next time you're getting busy, and you're sucking on some hottie's toes, remember this post. Then pray you don't catch hepatitis.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


I’m so friggin sick of hearing about this so called ‘showdown’ that is going to happen down in Dallas this Sunday. Has a game ever been this over-hyped? The Pats are only giving the Cowboys 4.5?!?! That’s absurd….borderline disrespectful! Brady is going to absolutely shred the Cowboys secondary. Not to mention that Bruschi is going to hit that twerp Romo so hard and so often that ridiculous f*cking dimple is going to end up side by side with his a-hole. I predict Romo moping around the sideline by mid-third quarter with a sour-puss and a backward zubaz hat on walking around like Fred Willard mumbling “whaaa happen?”.

Anyways onward to more immediate issues. The Sox are about to embark on their final journey to the World Series. I’d be surprised if this series goes more than 4 games. As long as Dice-K brings his egg roll ball and chicken chow mein change-up a sweep should be evident. Ready for another surprise? I’m predicting right here and now that good ole’ J.D. Drew is going to be World Series MVP. That’s right folks….you heard it here first.

Furthermore, have you seen any of the preseason Celtics games? Garnett is an absolute beast. I know its early and there is a lot of team chemistry that needs to transpire but you gotta like what you’ve seen so far…right? Who cares that the Bruins stink, hockey stinks like last weeks dirty diapers anyways. I wish it would just go away....its embarassing.

My point is this. I’m a huge Boston sports fan. To the point where I will argue points so vehemently that I will have no problem pouring a beer over an elderly woman’s head and slapping her in the face. But at this point in time Beantown really is Titletown. So enjoy it while it lasts kids because the likelihood of ever seeing this again in our lifetime is not very be proud.