Saturday, August 18, 2007

If You Haven't Noticed, I Sweat "Pretty Boy" Floyd "Money" Mayweather

So, the other night, I was flipping through the channels...when low and behold, Mayweather's mug appeared on my screen. Needless to say, Mayweather's "MTV Cribs" appearance was the highlight of my night. Everything about this house (and video) is absurd.

Do yourself a favor and watch this clip in entirety - it only gets better as it progresses.

December 8th...Mayweather vs. Ricky Hatton. Both undefeated. I already have a countdown on my calendar...


"I make it rain, I make it raaaain, I make it raaaaain."

Brandon Webb Deserves Your Attention

Last night, Brandon Webb extended his scoreless streak to 42 innings by throwing a complete game shutout against the Braves (his third straight complete game). In the process, Webb gave up just three baserunners while striking out six. This is the 12th longest such streak in MLB history, and the 5th longest since 1940, surpassed only by Orel Hershiser (59), Don Drysdale (58), Bob Gibson (47), and Sal Maglie (45). He'll attempt to extend the streak when the Diamondbacks face the Brewers next week. Webb going to ride his devastating sinker to his second consecutive NL Cy Young Award? To date, Jake Peavy has the leg-up on this honor, but Webb is certainly making a strong push as the season winds down.
  • Webb: 13-8, 2.63 ERA, 1.17 WHIP, 161 K's, 2.82 K/BB
  • Peavy: 13-5, 2.19 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, 175 K's, 3.80 K/BB

...And, to think that Brandon Webb is being paid Joel Pineiro-type money?? After all, Webb inked a four-year contract extension worth $19.5M after his successful 2005 campaign (14-12, 3.55 ERA, 172 K's).

I know, I're all wondering where Brandon Webb now ranks in my pitching rankings? The exact same place I had ranked him on June 5th (see below link for previous rankings). He's the 4th best pitcher in MLB, only trailing Santana, Bedard, and Peavy. Who's 5th? None other than Red Sox Nation's own Josh Beckett. And, yes, I'm well aware that Dan Haren isn't in my top 5. Quite honestly, Haren's name doesn't belong amongst the aforementioned aces.

Battle Of The Face Plant

I apologize for only posting the links, but for some reason the videos wouldn't attach correctly. Anyway, you be the judge....

Personally, I like the first one because it involves damaging a smug toddler.

Friday, August 17, 2007

It's Friday....So Enjoy It !

You know's Friday...which usually starts off a blacked out coma that will last right into Sunday. The problem is, I started the weekend last night and I'm as hungover as a bastard. Oh well, it's my own fault. Although for some reason someone put Poland Springs water in all 19 Bud Lights I drank last night.

Well....TGIF...and what better way to crank into weekend gear, than enjoying two smokin' hot broads making out.

God Bless America.

Notice how girls kissing can turn even the worst song, into a great song? Magic.

What Do You Think?

I tried to find better pictures of her (Emmy Rossum), but apparently, she is too classy. But my point is, she is the ULTIMATE "girl next door".

I would give Sudsy's first born to french her.

Who's Wrong?

So, Barry is suing Curt for speaking his mind. Does this make sense to anybody? I call Orlando and Chieftain d-bags all the time, have either of them sued me? The answer is no, although they could. Do you know why they haven't sued me? It's because they aren't homos.

I've defended Barry from the get-go, only because I believe that he didn't deserve all of the sh*t he was getting. I always said, (and I stand by this) he broke a record that "is the greatest record in any sport", and if anybody can prove that he doesn't deserve it, please let me know. Now, he has proved himself to be a complete d-bag (not because he rallied against a Red Sox player, but because he singled out one player out of 1,000,000,000,000... that spoke his mind).

Anyhow, I know that Bonds is planning on playing one more the AL. At this point, who would take his, 75-year-old, finger pointing, sh*t bum act at this point? Any guesses?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Baseball has marked the time

My post tonight comes from a hot and humid Watertown, MA. All day I have felt like there was something strange about the weather today.

It’s the kind of weather that brings back memories, memories so thick that you will have to brush them away. You know. Things like street hockey, woods parties, and pool hopping. Driving until you find it, listening to the Boss, and robbing liquor stores.

The kind of things that you should be proud of like running naked down the street, pissing on girls you hook up with, and getting arrested in a Wendy's drive through because you passed out after you ordered a Big Bacon Classic meal.

Oh ya and playing baseball because it makes all of those other things go away.

That’s what I was getting at. You have already or are going to watch a clip from Field of Dreams. I just finished watching this film from start to finish. That is one hell of a movie and I thought it deserved a clip.

Jessica Biel Will Get Naked For All Of Us!!!!!!!!

According to US Magazine, Jessica Biel has signed a contract that will call for her getting naked in her upcoming film Powder Blue.

The actress, 25, signed a contract that explicitly details the bare minimum fans will see – including shots of her breasts (nipples from the front and side) and her butt (side view only) – in the Crash-like ensemble drama Powder Blue. She plays a stripper trying to earn money to raise her terminally ill son in the currently-shooting movie, which costars Oscar winner Forest Whitaker.

Ok, ok, ok....where the f*ck do I begin with this one???? I feel like a kid on Christmas. Ever since my younger days of Seventh Heaven (yes I tuned in occasionally to see her...screw you) and Summer Catch, I've wanted to see what Jessica Biel actually looks like naked. It's not the same, since I've closed my eyes a couple dozen times and done my own Picasso with what I think to be her birthday suit. Wow. This is big time. And she plays a stripper too? Could this movie get any cooler? Hopefully, she's all whacked out the whole movie and just dances around and shows off her yammies for a few hours....that would be siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.

There is a God!

P.S. I'm organizing a WIN COLUMN field trip to go see this movie when it comes out. Although it will probably be 2 years from now......we'll all still be perverts.

The NL Central is a Joke

Milwaukee Brewers...Chicago Cubs...St. Louis Cardinals. They are all terrible!

Currently, the Milwaukee Brewers reside at the top of the NL the tune of a 62-58 record. As 42 games remain, a team atop of a division that is a measley 4 games over .500 is embarrassing. The NL Central is this year's NL West. No? Every night, I study the box scores -- and, every night, it seems as if both the Brewers and Cubs lose. Both the Brewers and Cubs are so bad that the the Cardinals (who currently sit 4 games UNDER .500) now have a legitimate shot at the playoffs, as they are merely 3.5 games behind the Brewers.

To put the NL Central's incompetence in perspective, let me throw a few stats at you...
  • On the year, Milwaukee has allowed 10 more runs than they have scored. Again, this is a 1st place team that we are talking about. In turn, the Red Sox have outscored their opponents by 132 runs...and the Yankees have outscored their opponents by 149 runs.
  • On the year, St. Louis has allowed 71 more runs than they have scored. Again, this team might now be considered the favorite in this division. This is pathetic!
  • Since July 20th, the Brewers have lost 17 of their last 25 games.
  • For the year, the Brewers are batting .262 (9th best in the NL), while the Cubs have managed to hit only 97 HR's (23rd best in MLB).
  • And, the pitching isn't any better. Milwaukee's staff has compiled a 4.48 ERA, while St. Louis hurlers have compiled a 4.70 ERA. Keep in mind that these ERA's have come by way of other NL offenses (meaning, NL pitchers are, essentially, granted an automatic out every 9 batters). To put it in perspective, the Yankees putrid staff has compiled a 4.39 ERA in the offensive-laden AL East.

Allow me to go on record by saying this...if the St. Louis Cardinals (with a starting rotation of Braden Looper, Adam Wainwright, Kip Wells, Anthony Reyes, and Joel Pineiro) make the playoffs, then I will have officially given up on the entire National League. Forget an "Ace", the Cardinals are starting five number 5's (at best)!!

I HATE the fact that the Cardinals won 83 games last year...and went on to win the World Series (you don't see 8-8 NFL teams holding the Lombardi Trophy). Based upon their regular season, St. Louis was clearly not the best team in baseball, as evidenced by the notion that there were several better American League teams that failed to qualify for the playoffs. Now, don't get me wrong...I fully understand that the World Series champ is a byproduct of which team gets hot at the right time. However, it should be noted that St. Louis limped into the playoffs last year, as they nearly coughed up an 8 game division lead in the last week-and-a-half of last year's regular season. Is that how one defines "hot"? And, please...don't give me the run-of-the-mill "it is what it is" argument.

In closing, if another 83-85 win NL Central team makes the playoffs again this year, then something needs to be done to alleviate this issue. "Playoff teams" need to be held to a certain standard.

Paging Bud Selig (I know, laughable)...

Free Throw Challenge for Bud Kingers

By clicking on the link below, you will redirected to a Flash Basketball game where you will shoot free throws.

Choose the 30 second challenge.

Be honest and post your best results. The winner will get a 6 pack of Bud Kingers from Nightmare.

Free Throw Contest

The Win Column Knows Baseball

According to the Boston Globe, Clay Buchholz will start Game 1 of Friday's doubleheader. Various reports agree that Wily Mo Pena is likely to be let go in order to make room for Buchholz, but now it sounds like Jacoby Ellsbury, rather than Bobby Kielty, will then replace Pena for Game 2.

As evidenced by the below link, did we call it or what?? And, I may add...WELL before any other site, newspaper, and/or radio station even made a peep about such a potential occurrence.

Anyway, if you have 5 minutes of free time (and wish to call yourself a "true" Red Sox or Yankees fan), this air-tight analysis of Joba Chamberlain and Clay Buchholz comes highly recommended by The Win Column. Simply unbelievable piece by Minor League Ball:

30 Years Ago Today...

...Elvis Aaron Presley passed away.

At the age of 42, "The King's" death shocked the world. To date, he is the only performer to have been inducted into four separate music halls of fame.

Back in the late 1960s, composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein remarked: "Elvis is the greatest cultural force in the 20th century. He introduced the beat to everything, music, language, clothes, it's a whole new social revolution...the 60's comes from it."

It has also been claimed that his early music and live performances helped to lay a commercial foundation which allowed other, established performers of the 1950s become recognized. African-American acts, like Fats Domino, Chuck Berry, and Little Richard, came to national prominence after Presley's acceptance among the mass audience of white American teenagers. Little Richard commented: "He was an integrator, Elvis was a blessing. They wouldn't let black music through. He opened the door for black music." It has been claimed that the black-and-white character of Presley's sound, as well as his persona, helped to relax the rigid color line and thereby fed the fires of the civil rights movement.

In 2002, The NY Times observed: "For those too young to have experienced Elvis Presley in his prime, today’s celebration of the 25th anniversary of his death must seem peculiar. All the talentless impersonators and appalling black velvet paintings on display can make him seem little more than a perverse and distant memory. But before Elvis was camp, he was its opposite -- a genuine cultural force...Elvis’s breakthroughs are underappreciated because in this rock-and-roll age, his hard-rocking music and sultry style have triumphed so completely."

With that, let's all bow our heads in a moment of silence...

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Jessica Alba is Willie Beamin'

After seeing this picture on, I think it's safe to say that we can put the Jessica Alba herpes rumor to rest. She's as clean as a whistle, and she probably smells like roses, mangos, and any other fresh sent you could possibly think of. Of course, if you need me to verify this information, I have absolutely no problem taking one for the team. I'll contract the gout, SARS, and whatever else she could possibly throw my way. Those nipples could cut glass....and probably cut some rich douchebag's chest later that night.

As long as it wasn't Jeter.....

Should This Be An Olympic Sport?

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If so, I'm all in with SIMPLY SUDS -- based upon past stories, Suds would slaughter the little Asian in this video.

In all seriousness though, imagine if this were an actual sport? Imagine how many run-of-the-mill dirtbags would be lining up to enter such an event? It would cause complete chaos.

As a side that a rubber that the Asian throws on the chick once he's done? I need an official ruling.

As I Watch Bedard Mow Down The Yanks, I Need A Cold Shower...(NSFW)

For the record, this video is not of Svetlana from MTV's 'Real World'...but, I wouldn't blame you if you did a double-take (the beak in this video notwithstanding).

By the way...if you haven't caught on yet, Andy Phillips continues to be a "Nancy"...

1:05 PM -- Erik Bedard vs. Phil Hughes

Well,'s good to know that Mr. Torre & Co. at least view this blog. After all, Edwar Ramirez was recalled from Scranton just a few hours ago!! In addition to Ramirez, Sean Henn was also called back both Jim Brower (sucks) and Jeff Karstens were optioned back down.

Which leaves me with this...what kind of dirt does Chris Britton have on the Yankees? Has he killed Torre's dog? I need an explanation. Plain and simple, Chris Britton belongs on the 25-man roster (he's a 24-year-old arm that has the potential to be a stud out of the bullpen...he's been great all year in Scranton, and was nearly unhittable in his 5 innings of work with the big league club earlier this year). Andy Phillips does not. Cut bait!

Anyway, what a matchup we have in store in less than 2 hours!!

ERIK BEDARD vs. PHIL The Stadium

Potential 2007 AL Cy Young vs. Future AL Cy Young

...No matter how you slice it, Bedard is one of the 4 best pitchers in the AL this year. Besides Haren, Beckett, and Santana, there isn't a single AL pitcher that one could make an argument for (well, maybe Kelvim Escobar - but, he's still a distant fifth in my eyes).

After all, Bedard is 12-4 (for a poor Orioles team) with a 3.11 ERA (5th in the AL, trailing only Haren/Escobar/Lackey/Santana...and has 199 K's (way more than any other pitcher in baseball).

Not to mention...since the All-Star break, Bedard is 5-0 with an incredible 2.23 ERA and 0.97 WHIP -- all while opponents hit an invisible .177 against him.

Similar to last week's Bedard - Matsuzaka matchup, I'm all sorts of revved up for this Wednesday afternoon special.

...As a side note, did you know that Bedard did not play baseball at a competitive level until he walked onto the Norwalk Community College team in Norwalk, Connecticut? As a senior in high school, Bedard was only 5'4" and 120 pounds. Before starting college, he grew 7 inches and gained 30 pounds. While in college, he added 10 MPH on his fastball and became a junior college All-American.

Nomar Lands On DL Again With a Strained C*nt

Yeah I said it. Nomar is a friggin' bum. He's nothing without the sauce. Ever since he got off the juice, he falls apart like a pastrami sandwich hitting my fat gums. Per rotoworld today:

Dodgers placed third baseman Nomar Garciaparra on the 15-day disabled list with a strained left calf. Nomar had hit .289/.338/.430 since moving over to third base, which is better than Shea Hillenbrand figures to do, and Hillenbrand is likely to be even worse defensively than Nomar was. The Dodgers have to hope Andy LaRoche gets healthy soon so that he can take over at third base.

That being said, I hope Mia Hamm kicks him in the balls for being such a pu$$y.

Where In The World Is Kelly Barons??????

That's right, that chick that was ridiculously fine and held down the Fenway Park third base line as a ball girl the past few seasons. The cameramen would do creepy close-ups of her smile, and every time she bent over in a way that only HD could express. But I don't see my girl at the Friendly Fens this season.....what the f*ck is up with that? Is this yet another blunder by the Red Sox front office? Did they really let the "hottest ball chick in the game" get away?

No's even worse.....thus explained by BOSTON.COM:

Kelly Barons Bruins All Access Co-Host

Nickname: Red Family: 2 Brothers – Mark and Jack, and Sister - Chrissy Hobbies: Running, Karaoke, and Water Sports Pets: Dog - Ginger Favorite Sport to watch: Baseball, Hockey, and Football Favorite sports to play: Softball Favorite Food: Chicken, Broccoli and Ziti (The only thing I know how to make!) Favorite TV Show: King of Queens and Family Guy Favorite Singer or Musical Group: Kenny Chesney Favorite Movie: Tommy Boy Favorite Sports Movie: Miracle Favorite Piece of clothing: My BU sweatshirt and my old Mighty Ducks T-Shirt If you could spend a day with anyone who would it be? Peter Gammons What was your most embarrassing moment on television? Getting hit in the face with a Ken Griffey Jr. foul ball… Favorite professional team growing up? The Boston Red Sox Favorite professional player growing up? Nomar Garciaparra

Kelly Barons is a co-host for Bruins All Access, NESN’s new and very different Bruins show. All Access, which airs Sunday nights at 9:30 PM, gives Bruins fans a behind-the-scenes, off-ice look at the Boston Bruins. A Lexington, Massachusetts native, Barons is a broadcast journalism major at Boston University. She is best known for her role as a Boston Red Sox ball attendant and for guest hosting ESPN’s Baseball Tonight.

We lost our beloved queen of the diamond.....for a friggin' Bruins show???? Nobody gives a damn about the Bruins.....nobody! This infuriates me. Baseball is either the best, or second best sport in the world (football)....and hockey is about as cool as AIDS. Some drastic measures need to be taken to get this girl back to thinking and talking about the Red Sox. Maybe a co-host show with "All the Way" Hazel Mae or Kathryn Tappen. But don't let this beautiful baby go to waste by talking about jock straps and elephant walks. That's just not right.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Two for One

This is the first night in about 3 weeks where I have decided to take it easy. Since I still don't have cable yet, I am bored out of my mind so I thought I would try to make a contribution to this blog. As I'm sure Simply Suds and Anonymous will admit, Nashville is a pretty cool place. However, I must say that there is no place like home. However, the one thing about home that really chaps my a$$ is that they have no drink specials.

Maybe its because all us sick bastards from up North don't really give a rat's a$$ what the price is, and that we will still get loaded no matter what. I'm not asking to have drink specials on weekends or Sunday's, but what about the weekdays? I went to the bar last night (which was packed and there are no undergrads here yet), ordered about 10 beers, and my tab was $15! Are you dicking me? That same night, I paid the guy at 'Jack in the Box' another $20 because he wouldn't serve me...because I was walking through the drive-thru! was cheaper for me to get loaded than to eat a god damn cheeseburger.

Memo to Joe Torre: Make Wilson Betemit Your Full-Time 1B Now!!

I've seen enough of Betemit, Andy Phillips, Jason Giambi, Johnny Damon, and Shelley Duncan to know all-to-well that Wilson Betemit deserves the full-time gig over at first base.

Sure, Andy Phillips is highly above average defensively...but, he hits the ball as if he's flailing a newspaper. Simply put, the ball doesn't travel off his bat (evidenced by his .694 OPS). In turn, Wilson Betemit can flat-out rake (evidenced by his .857 OPS)...and, he's more than capable from a defensive perspective.

Truth be told, Andy Phillips shouldn't have a spot on this Yankees team as it's currently constructed. Yet, for some reason, Torre insists on STARTING Phillips? It doesn't make sense, especially when one considers that Phillips to taking at-bats away from the red-hot bats of Betemit/Giambi/Damon/Shelley Duncan.

The Yankees should be rostering 13 pitchers right now. That 13th pitcher should be EDWAR know, the 26-year-old that Gammons and Buster Olney rant-and-rave about. If not Ramirez (in 37.1 innings at AAA Scranton this year, he has compiled a 0.72 ERA with 64 K's), then at the very least Chris Britton!! With Betemit's versatility (he's literally played every infield position this year), there is NO reason to roster Phillips (at most, Phillips should be the last man off the bench - solely as a defensive replacement). After all, I've watched the 30-year-old first baseman put together 400+ hapless AB's over the last 3 seasons. He seriously has less pop than Youkilis, as amazing and embarrassing as that may sound!

Torre...wake up!!! First base is and should always be a power position. Why do you think the Yanks have trimmed the AL East deficit from 14.5 games to 4 games in the last 2 months??? Simple. Because they batted at a .327 clip while having slugged an astonishing 58 HOME RUNS SINCE THE ALL-STAR BREAK. Please allow Mr. Betemit the opportunity to continue this trend!

Phillips is a ROLE's just that that "role" shouldn't necessarily be with this Yankee team. Ink Betemit as your full-time first baseman, and don't look back. Rotate Giambi and Damon at DH (with Damon playing the OF once a week).

Joe, you finally came to your senses about Luis Vizcaino's and Kyle Farnsworth's role on this team. I'm begging you to not take as long with this decision. In the end, both you and I know that I'm right.

Was This Nightmare's Idea?

In the past, 'Simply Suds' has highlighted the Japanese idea of game shows (i.e., getting whacked in the nuts, etc)...but, this video might be the strangest of them all.

Seriously, what the hell is the Asian Erik Estrada doing here??? The most awkward moment comes with 32 seconds remaining, when the little kid gives Estrada's hog a handshake. At this moment, I lost it!

R.I.P. "Scooter" (1917 - 2007)

This morning, a life-long Yankee legend passed away at the age of 89. He had been the oldest living Hall of Famer, as he was inducted into Cooperstown by a Veterans Committee vote in 1994.

"I guess heaven must have needed a shortstop," Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said in a statement. "Phil Rizzuto's contributions to the Yankees and the sport of baseball were immense for a period of over 50 years. He was one of the greatest Yankees of all time and a dear, close friend of mine whose loss is enormous to me and to the entire Yankee family."

"Scooter" was the AL MVP runner-up in 1949, only to follow that campaign up by winning the AL MVP in 1950 (ironically, the years in which the Yankees finally moved him into the leadoff spot). Rizzuto was noted for strong defense, "small ball" skills, and clutch hitting, which helped the Yankees capture 7 World Series.

Rizzuto's 1953 Topps baseball card read in part: "Ty Cobb named the 'Scooter' as one of the few modern ball players who could hold his own among old timers."

Ted Williams claimed that his Red Sox would have won most of the Yankees' 1940s and 1950s pennants if they had had Rizzuto at shortstop.

Following Rizzuto's retirement, he broadcasted Yankees games on radio and television for the next 40 years. Rizzuto became known for his catchphrases, such as "Unbelievable!", "Holy Cow!", or "Did you see that?" to describe a great play, and would call somebody a "huckleberry" if he did something Rizzuto didn't like.

In Rizzuto's later years as a broadcaster, he would announce the first 6 innings of Yankee games. Often times, the TV director would puckishly show a shot of the bridge after Rizzuto had departed. Rizzuto was also very phobic about lightning, and would leave games with violent thunderclaps. Even still, "Scooter" ranked 27th in Curt Smith's Voices of Summer, which ranked baseball's greatest 101 announcers (in this book, Vin Scully holds the top spot).

Rizzuto's most significant moments as a broadcaster included the new single-season home run record set by Roger Maris on October 1, 1961, which he called on WCBS radio:

"Here's the windup, fastball, hit deep to right, this could be it! Way back there! Holy cow, he did it! Sixty-one for Maris! And look at the fight for that ball out there! Holy cow, what a shot! Another standing ovation for Maris, and they're still fighting for that ball out there, climbing over each other's backs. One of the greatest sights I've ever seen here at Yankee Stadium!"

The Yankees retired Rizzuto's number 10 in a ceremony at Yankee Stadium on August 4, 1985. During this ceremony, he was honored with a plaque out in Yankee Stadium's Monument Park. The plaque makes reference to the fact that he "has enjoyed two outstanding careers, all-time Yankee shortstop, one of the great Yankee broadcasters."

Most baseball observers, including Rizzuto himself, would later decide that Derek Jeter had surpassed him as the greatest shortstop in New York Yankees history. The "Scooter" paid tribute to his heir apparent during the 2001 postseason at Yankee Stadium; jogging back to the Yankee dugout, he flipped the ceremonial baseball backhand, imitating Jeter's celebrated game-saving throw to home plate that had just occurred during the Yankees' 2001 ALDS triumph vs. Oakland.

** (It should be pointed out that after this year, Jeter will only be 2 rings short of Rizzuto's 7!) COWBOY UP....

"God Bless America"

What does this Tuesday afternoon call for? None other than a "chocolate fight" between Amanda Bynes, 21, and Jennie Garth, 35.

Sure, the clip may be 2 years old...but, really, who's complaining?

What's the Greater Feat?

Bobby Jenks vs. Placido Polanco

Last night, Placido Polanco (who I have previously anointed one of MLB's most underrated players) set a major league record, for second basemen, by playing his 144th straight game without committing a single error.

"I have to really thank the organization for giving me the opportunity to be the second baseman and play every day," said Polanco, whose last error came on July 1, 2006, at Pittsburgh.

And, in his typical witty chain-smoking fashion...Polanco's manager, Jim Leyland, added his two cents on the matter: "He's like an old shoe -- not the prettiest, but real comfortable." Whatever that means??

The Journal Wire reports that Luis Castillo held the previous mark for second basemen with 143 errorless games, while playing for the Minnesota Twins. The major league record for consecutive errorless games for any infielder is 193, set by Steve Garvey.

* Some other random notes about Polanco...

  • As of August 1st, Polanco had the lowest strikeout percentage in baseball (4.9%), all while batting .344 on the year (good for third best in the AL, only behind Magglio and Ichiro).
  • Albert Pujols is the godfather to Polanco 3-year-old son, Ismael.

Moving right along to Bobby Jenks...

This past Sunday vs. Seattle, Jenks retired his 41st consecutive batter (a span that includes 14 relief appearances, dating back to July 17th), tying the MLB record held by Jim Barr, which was set with the San Francisco Giants over two games during the 1972 season.

During Jenks' remarkable span, he has compiled 8 saves, 1 win, and 11 K's. In a year which hasn't produced many bright spots for the ChiSox (they currently sit 9 games under .500), the flame-thrower has registered 33 the tune of a 2.92 ERA. Opponents are hitting a paltry .192 vs. Jenks.

As a side note, Jenks is often referred to as "Big Bobby" or "Big Bad Bobby Jenks" due to his 6'3", 275 pound frame (his "listed" weight). In all of baseball, only C.C. Sabathia and Jonathan Broxton are listed at heavier weights.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Happy Birthday, Alfred Hitchcock

I'd like to send a hearty Win Column happy birthday to Alfred Hitchcock. Hitchcock is widely revered as being one of the best filmmakers of all time. In his 60+ year career, he made more than 55 films including Pyscho, Rear Window, North by Northwest, and The Birds. Hitchcock also hosted and produced a TV show, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, that ran for over 10 years.

Vintage Hitchcock films included common themes of blackmail, murder, and ordinary people cast in extraordinary situations. During his long career, Hitchcock constantly pushed the envelope in filmmaking and is directly responsible for some common devices that are used in film today. For instance, Hitchcock was the first director in Hollywood to shoot on location. Prior to him, most movies were filmed in the gigantic movie studios, which is part of the reason his movies were so unreal because they were the first films where the background actually looked life-like. Also, Hitchcock constantly experimented with technicolor and even dabbled in 3D. The use of soundtracks in movies was forever changed after the release of Psycho. During his films, Hitchcock would often use unorthodox soundtracks, such as shrieking strings, to evoke suspense in the viewing audience. Remember that shower scene in Psycho? still scares the hell out of me. Hitchcock was also the first director to have a signature 'role' in all of his movies. The role usually was just a cameo, hardly ever a speaking role, much like Scorcese does. He also pioneered one of yours truly favorite genre of films, that being the dark comedy.

Hitchcock's films were so ahead of their time that after his 1946 release of Notorious, where he used uranium as a plot device, he was under surveillance by the FBI for quite some time. He also tested limits in his 1945 release of Spellbound, where he had a dream sequence done by Salvador Dali that had to be cut from the film because it was deemed "too disturbing" for audiences. If you don't know Dali, check out his work.

Weird fact about Alfred Hitchcock is that he was deathly afraid of eggs, otherwise known as ovophobia...go figure, huh? Maybe it was because he looked like one. So cheers to you, Alfred. You were well ahead of your time and an inspiration to us all that strive to think outside of the box....and scare the hell out of people.


Did Someone Say Scary Movie?

Mike Ditka's comment on the previous post about Anna Faris' bush in Scary Movie got me thinking about the other hot chicks that were in that movie. So without further ado, here is an ode to Shannon Elizabeth. Thanks Mike Ditka, this one's for you. I'm sure you're practicing a three-point stance in a mirror.


WFAN In New York Is For Idiots And Retards....Seriously

Say what you will about WEEI. I consider myself a loyal listener, logging in anywhere between 3-5 hours per day. I fully realize that the station can be tough to listen to at times. I've been thoroughly enjoying Gerry Callahan's throat cancer or whatever the hell he has, so I haven't been forced to listen to his friggin' whacked-out, George Bush loving rants. The "Big Show" is a bunch of meatheads, foaming at the mouth yelling at each other (which I love), and I'm fairly certain Glen Ordway's sports knowledge rivals that of a mediocre fan (at best). I'm convinced Dale Arnold diddles little boys. I think Meter is the most knowledgeable on the station and I love Michael Holley and Mike Adams.

That said, because I'm in NY this week, I have the pleasure (and I use that term loosely) of listening to WFAN. For the past day, the smug nitwits that run that station have brought stupidity to a WHOLE new level. Throughout the day, culminating during the 'Mike and the Mad Dog' show, I had to listen to caller-after-caller saying how they have 'counted out' the Sox. I had to listen as these crapsh*ts kept calling saying that the only team they are REALLY worried about is the Angels. Last time I checked, the Sox were still 4 games up, with one of the best pitching staffs in the game. So Yankees fans, a personal message from me to you. Don't get ahead of yourselves, there's still a lot of baseball to be played and the road to the playoffs won't be paved with NY style pizza. So, keep your pants on and don't start beating off yet...AND go f*ck yourself.

To make matters worse, even the talk show hosts are complete nimrods. In my opinion, the host of a show is supposed to act as the voice of reason during these shows. It's inevitable, whomever is controlling the phone lines is going to put on the most ostentatious and obnoxious people. It makes for good radio.....I get that. But the host has a responsibility to mediate the show and bring a certain amount of rational thought. That is, if you want to run a reputable program...which in this case, he obviously doesn't. One more point of contention before I end this rant. I had to listen to people blasting Gagne all day (rightfully so), however, I think making the claim that signing Gagne ruined the Sox bullpen is a bit much. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that having Gagne will do more good than bad, and when its all said and done, we'll be pumped we picked him up.

P.S. - Chieftain, on a side note. Can't you pull some strings and get that friggin' c*nt, Suzyn Waldman off the radio waves? I know I've mentioned this before, but every time I hear her, I'm reminded of how much of a disgrace it is.

How Do I Really Feel About Anna Faris?

After watching last night's Entourage, I have no idea whether or not Anna Faris is hot. Part of me thinks she is sexy as hell, and then another part of me thinks she looks pretty damn weird. Why is that? How can a chick be hot one minute, and then so-so the next. Am I way off here? I feel like I need help on this one.

So, I ask you think Anna Faris is hot? The part of me that thinks she's a minx in the sack says absolutely....the part of me that wants to push her off a bridge says...maybe.

Little Leaguers Hit the Sauce?

I couldn't help but turn my attention to some Little League Baseball as the Sox didn't play until 1:30 PM yesterday. The boys from Walpole, MA took a Northeast title home to represent the Bay State in the Little League World Series. I'll root like a son of a b*tch for these kids, although I think a few of them may be using performance enhancing substances. I watched two kids crush balls completely over the stands in back-to-back fashion. Effortless swings, and it looked like they teed off on the 8th hole of the local pitch-and-putt. Not to mention, it seems like little leaguers get taller and thicker every year. There used to be that one mutt that would be 6'2", 250 lbs. as a 12-year-old....but now it seems as if I'd be a dwarf on all of these teams. What the f*ck do they feed these kids?

Go Walpole!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

America's Best Body?


Earlier, SlowStuff mentioned to me that we need a new post on the board, considering our latest post was a "Friday Night Cleanser". As a man of the people, I don't intend to disappoint.

As a forewarning, you're doing yourself a SEVERE disservice if you choose not to click on the below link. Carmen's 2+ minute "strip tease" video may be the greatest item to hit this blog yet.