Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Check Out The Cans On This Drunk Chick...

"I didnt' have too much to drink. If I had to much to drink I wouldn't be able to speak" for some reason makes perfect sense to me.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Doda Elektroda Is Stupid Hot And A Genius.....Seriously

OK, this is a paradox. Yes, this chick is polish and obviously a very, very healthy girl. But it seems like every other broad coming out of eastern Europe is an absolute dime these days (God Damn You Sportspen!), so no surprise there right? What IS a surprise is that Doda is polish AND a bonifide genius. No joke. She has an IQ of 153. Just to give you a frame of reference it was estimated that Einstein had an IQ in the range of 160. So not only can Doda make your jaw drop, but she can also explain the fundamentals of quantum physics (while you stared at her titties).

In 2000, at the age of 16, she joined the polish rock group Virgin as a singer. In 2004 she was accepted in to Mensa. Mind you, the only membership requirement for Mensa is an IQ score within the top 2% of the population. Currently, there are 100,000 Mensans living in 100 countries around the world. In other words....membership is reserved for supa smaaaht people. And the hits just keep on coming! Doda really burst on the scene in 2005 when she posed for the polish edition of Playboy.

Basically, Doda is the perfect girl in every way, shape and form. She's everything you'd ever want in a woman: she's beautiful, smart, and european. Normally I like my chicks dumb as rocks, but in her case I'd make an exception.


Canadian Justice

I'd like to introduce you to the man who's really turning it around for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, a pioneer of sorts, one Constable Burke Huschi. Huschi was recently fined two days pay for punching a diabetic man in the head after misidentifying him as a drunk driver... I'm sure we've all made similar mistakes.

Howard Oakland, a horrifically lawless diabetic, was leaving Royal Inland Hospital when low blood sugar got the better of him. He lost the ability to control his vehicle and coasted across a 4 lane highway before coming to a rest on the other side. Two nurses who saw the incident ran to assist the potentially dangerous, yet mostly unconscious Howard, but before they could be assaulted by this insulin junkie, Huschi saved the day!

The National Post quotes an excerpt from the Royal Candian Mounted Police Disciplinary Board's decision:

"Const. Huschi demanded Mr. Oakland exit the truck and, when the driver failed to comply, handcuffed one of his wrists and tried to pull him out. 'Const. Huschi then struck the driver once in the head and again on the upper arms and chest.'"

Our neighbors to the north are known for many wonderful attributes: free health care for citizens, fantastic beer, great hockey teams, and permissive women. What they are NOT known for is a swift and brutal justice system. However, as of this day that may change! For the first time in history people may have a reason to fear Mounties... especially if you’re diabetic.

TheWinColumn salutes you, Constable Huschi, for your quick and astute actions that have brought a modicum or backbone a previously spineless Royal Candian Mounted Police . We wish you the best of luck in your anger management classes, and hope they do little to curb your renegade law enforcement style as you continue your crusade to eradicate this sickening rash of rogue diabetics. You, sir, are the Canadian John McClane.

For the full story, visit:

Monday, September 24, 2007

Achy Breaky Pregnancy

For those readers of TheWinColumn who are NOT rampant pedophiles (so, like 4 of you) I give you Miley Cyrus, aka. Hannah Montana. Miley is the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, perhaps the worst country singer to ever strap on a pair of cowboy boots, and is the star of the #1 show on television for teens... oh yeah, she's also 15 years old and pregnant.

Yup. Preggers at 15. Here's to being ahead of the curve, I guess.

Honestly, I can't say I'm all that surprised. With the recent behavior to come out of Disney Channel chicks, does one of them being knocked up really shock anyone? And what the f*ck is Disney doing, giving these girls water bottles spiked with Spanish Fly, E, and Rufinol?

It also wouldn't surprise me to hear the Billy Ray had done the honors himself. Sure, Billy Ray has traded in the epic mullet he sported during the Achy Breaky Era for some incredibly gay looking, layered salon cut (nice highlighted streaks by the way... pussy), but I'm sure he still has enough inbred, redneck DNA in him to bang his daughter.

Miley confirmed her pregnancy in a recent J-14 Magazine interview:

"Yes, sadly it's true. Miley herself confirmed the pregnancy rumors during a J-14 interview. 'I'm going to take good care of my baby. I've already gained 7 pounds. I was in real shock when it happened accidentally. I went a little too far. I'm sorry to all of my fans'," .

It "happened accidentally"? For reals? Some dude accidentally put his c*ck in your 15 year-old cooch with no protection, then accidentally came all over the place, then you accidentally didn't go to Planned Parenthood to get a morning-after pill. This sounds like a load of horsesh*t to me.

We can only hope that Miley takes the alimony she gets from this, goes to the orthodontist, and fixes that f*cked up grill of hers. Goddamn thing looks like the vampires from Blade II.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Sunday = Funday: Elin Grindemyr

As a first order of business for supporting the right for Swedish women to go topless the world over I'd like to introduce the readers to Elin Grindemyr...