Friday, July 13, 2007

Get Ready For The Onslaught

Ladies and Gentlemen, today marks a historic day in the good old US of A. With the LA Galaxy's announcement officially welcoming David Beckham to the team hereby designates the first day of a long journey that will ultimately lead to America becoming an absolute force in the world of soccer. Football, calcio, voetbal, matter what you call it, its by far the most popular sport throughout this planet and its about time we caught up to the rest of the world.

In my opinion, the country is ripe for this change. For the past 15-20 years, we have grown a solid foundation for youth leagues around the country and the sport has certainly grown in popularity in that time. Even though we have the support in the youth leagues, there has still been a gap in terms of captivating the masses to get into, and eventually watch this sport. I believe Beckham will compel the average sports fan to either tune in or visit a stadium to get a glimpse to find out what the hype is all about. With time, I feel people will begin to realize that the sport is the balls...and little-by-little, we'll eventually become a soccer nation.

That said, I don't think we have to sacrifice any of our enthusiasm for baseball, football, basketball, etc. After all, don't we all have a few more hours per week to log in some time on the couch to watch another sporting event? Why can't America become a powerhouse in all sports the world over? So just sit back, keep an open mind, and enjoy the ride because its going to be an exciting time. And if you don't think so, go screw because you probably don't know your ass from your elbow.


Entourage vs. The Sopranos

After catching up on last week's edition of Entourage, I finally have the ask the question. At what point can we say that Entourage is a better show than the Sopranos? I agree that the Sopranos certainly wins in the longevity category...but about half way through the fourth season, and not showing any signs of decline, I think Entourage will be around for a good long time to come. Way back when Sopranos episodes used to be off the hook, they had naked chicks, people getting mauled, backstabbing, the occassional tittie cameo from the Bada Bing girls, Ralphie stabbing everybody in the back, Christopher being Christopher, and some classic lines from Paulie Walnuts. But in its later years, I don't think there is any denying that the show lost its touch. With occassional gems thrown in from time-to-time, most of the episodes seemed to drag on with mundane character/plot development that we didn't care about and had really nothing to do with the actual story line. Am I wrong?

Entourage, on the other hand, seemingly packs 10 lbs. of sh*t in a 5 lb. bag so to speak. And what I mean by that is...while I'm watching an episode and I think that it must almost be over due to the amount of action that has gone on, I look at the clock and its only 10:15! In other words, tons of crap happens in that half hour and I don't remember the last time I saw a 'slow' episode. Not to mention, Entourage provides a wide array of ridiculously smokin' hot chicks (Jessica Alba, Jamie Pressley, and countless no name smoke shows) and hilarious cameos (i.e. Bob Sagat, Seth Green, James Woods, etc.). Ari could personally carry on an episode by himself.

So in closing...I know Entourage has its work cut out, but in my opinion I think it gives you more bang for your buck when compared with the Sopranos. Sorry T. Thoughts?


Thursday, July 12, 2007

I Love It When Girls Show Emotion

I'm not in a sports mood at all today. I could care less if Tomlinson won 5 ESPY's last night...or if Greg Oden is a mallet and had his tonsils out....or if Travis Hafner signed a contract extension. None of that really gets me know what does....girls sharing a passionate kiss. So without further ado....I present to you, the Simply Suds play of the week....girls tonging the f*ck out of each other..and liking it. I think U2 sang it best when they sang, "It's a Beautifulllllllllllll Daaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Camilla Sjoberg's A$$ is Out of This World

I'm gonna just throw this out there....I'm an a$$ guy. Boobs are cool....but they just don't give me the excitement that a nice pair of buttcheeks do. Luckily for all you dildos out there....this girl happens to have both.....but her rhump roast is what excited me most. I'm pretty much at a loss for words regarding this tasty piece of yum-yum. Odds are she is a naughty German girl that could probably convince me to shave my head and hail Hitler.....but hey, I'm easily influenced.

Photos courtesy of

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

If You're Having Girl Problems, I Feel Bad For You Son...

...And, evidently Sen. David Vitter (R - Louisiana) has 99 problems and a girl IS one. As a follow-up to a previous post highlighting the campaign by friend of The Win Column and editor and chief of Hustler Magazine, Larry Flynt, to expose the slime that runs our nations capital, apparently he tossed out his bait and is currently reeling in some 20 lb. large mouth bass.

To give a little background, Deborah Jeanne Palfrey was indicted in March on charges of money laundering and racketeering stemming from her business, Pamela Martin & Associates, which prosecutors allege was involved in prostitution. In an effort to raise some loot for her legal fees, Palfrey tried to sell her list of phone numbers to the media but the judge overlooking the case put a quick nix on the idea. However, by the grace of God, Palfrey was able to release most of the information to media outlets (without any money directly changing hands) and the media outlets then published the lists online and encouraged investigative reporters to sort through the lists and extract names of high profile politicians. One bright, young, aspring investigative reporter (obviously heading places) did just that and uncovered Vitter's number and quickly turned it over to Flynt. Flynt, in turn, broadcasted the news to the entire free world in an attempt to bend Vitter over and f*ck him in the bum, which evidently worked out pretty well because Vitter's political career has about as much hope as a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

Vitter had this to say about the incident: "This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible. Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and from my wife in confession and marriage counseling."

Well, pin a rose on your nose, Senator Vitter. I wonder what God said when you asked him if you should nail that 17-year-old Asian a few years back?

The reprecussions of this event are rippling through the political world as we speak because Vitter is the Southern regional chairman for former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's Presidential campaign. Giuliani is currently campaigning throughout New Hampshire and has already been peppered with questions about this and it's rumored he will ask Vitter to step down, seeing as how Guiliani's campaign is already floundering and he needs this negative exposure like he needs another a$$hole.

Once again Mr. Flynt, thank you very much for personifying the American Dream and giving rich, overly powerful crapsh*ts a run for their money...keep up the good work. And I'll keep you posted as this story unfolds...


Remember When We Went 8-4 During the 2005 Season....

...and beat Oregon in the Holiday Bowl? Yeah, those games don't count anymore. So everything you sacrificed during that season is null and void because a couple of douchebags decided to get paid while playing. Sound like fun? Just ask any member of the 2005 Oklahoma football team how that feels. The NCAA has declared that because of the actions of former quarterback Rhett Bomar and offensive lineman J.D. Quinn....Oklahoma must forfeit all of its victories from the 2005 season. Both players earned about $8,000 each for work that they actually didn't even have to show up to do. $8K????? If I'm the quarterback for Oklahoma football...I want at least $25K, a car, and as many girls stuffed into my apartment as possible. I hope they at least parlayed the $8K on a game that they were playing in.....or at least did something more illegal than not show up for work. That's a slap in the face to every single member of that organization. All the triple sessions, broken bones, sprains, extra hours in the gym....all for nothing. The real kick in the d*ck is that both of these players transferred to D-1AA schools and continued on with their careers....while Oklahoma is on strict probation until the 2011 season. That's buttcheeks. Both of these guys are complete jerkoffs. You have to be a real spiteful prick to get caught stealing $8K. Imagine what guys at Florida, USC, and Miami get for perks? I can't even imagine how much extra dough they reel in....but I can assure you it's more than $8K and they don't get caught. But Rhett and J.D. probably ran their mouths, and went cow tipping with some underage girls, and poof......porked the team.

What's the moral of the story fellas? There are two morals.

1) Cash is king. Stay liquid.

2) What the NCAA doesn't know...won't hurt them. Loose lips sink ships.

It's Knight Time!

I realize there is still plenty of time until the regular season, but I am curious as to why there are no rumors as to why the Celtics are not targeting Brevin Knight? I know he gets hurt quite a bit, but Knight would be a great free agent signing without giving away too much money. I haven't looked at any of the financials as I will rely on Chieftain to correct me, but who would you rather have in the Playoffs running your team, him or Rando? I am not saying that he is Steve Nash but he would certainly be a solid addition to the Celtics. He is a true point guard that is always at the top of the list in assists and steals, and would be able to distribute the ball between Pierce, Allen, and Jefferson...all while holding onto Theo's contract and Gerald to land another key player (Camby?). I'm not saying we would even be an Eastern Conference favorite but that squad would get me excited.


Despite Slowstuff's desire the other night to watch Alphadog, we were flicking and stumbled upon the movie Big starring Tom Hanks, and immediately got sucked in. I think everyone that has seen this will clearly agree that it is an unbelievable movie yet it never gets mentioned in discussions. I'm not claiming it has to be a top 10 movie, but the creativity involved is truly admirable. What kid didn't dream about being Big. Plus, Josh Baskin is only 13 and he ends up pummeling some pretty hot tail. Only one thing about the movie concerns me. At the end of the movie, he asks the chick if she wants to come back with him and be 13...and she says no? I would go back to being 13 in a second. I mean this is a pretty cool age, but at 13 you don't have to do anything. Thoughts?

Who Cut the Cheese?

I consider there to be two types of Chinese Food, American Chinese Food and Real Chinese Food. By no means do I consider myself to be an expert on Real Chinese Food, but I order from Peking Kitchen just about every weekend when I stumble home from the bar. In fact, when the Commodore moved into his new apartment two years ago, they stopped delivering to us because I would pass out and not answer the door. But that is neither here nor there...

One thing I've noticed while swimming in duck sauce is that there are really no Asian dishes that involve cheese. The only thing I can think of is a crab rangoon which really involves a cream cheese spread. I'm talking about real cheeese...mozzarella, provolone, american, chedder, swiss. Every other nationality has dishes with cheese in it. What went wrong in China? If anyone can name a chinese dish with cheese in it please let me know because I love cheese and I love chinese food.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Open-Faced Sandwiches?

I'll tell you what really chaps my a$$.....Open-faced sandwiches. Who is the absolute jerk who decided to take one of the most glorious edible things known to man and subtract one slice of bread? How on earth is this justified? I realize a lot of open faced sandwiches have a sauce of some sort poured over them...ERRONEOUS! Give me two slices of bread, some god damn cheese, and the most heavenly slab of meat sandwiched in between (kind of like the way I was sandwiched in between my bed and the absolute warthog I took home the night of The Last Hurrah. I'll choose to dip my sandwich, thank you.

One More Year!!

Guess who's back again?? That's right, everyone's favorite New England Patriot, Troy Brown. According to the Boston Herald, the Pat's all-time leading receiver (557 catches), has signed a one year deal that will bring him back for a 15th season. The 36-year-old veteran is battling back from knee surgery to prove he's got at least one more year. This move obviously does not guarantee the Pat's another Superbowl, but it does put some serious class and hard working talent back in the locker room. I love having "old faithful" players like this on the field; it gives me chills every time a player like Troy Brown steps on the field. I personally cannot wait for this upcoming NFL season! DYNASTY BITCHE$ HAHA!

Barring Disaster, Sheffield & Co. are 3.5 Months Away from Being Crowned

I don't care what the standings say (entering the break, the Tigers and Angels trail the Red Sox by a 1/2 game for the best record in baseball)...


They mash, they pitch, they move runners along, they defend (middle of the pack with 57 total put it into perspective, the Yanks have made 50 errors while the Red Sox have committed 51 errors). Did I say they in, they pound the hell out of the ball????

And yes, I'm well aware that pitching wins championships. Great,'re proving my point -- with the the lone exception of the Padres (Jake Peavy & Chris Young), there is no other team in baseball that possesses a better 1-2 combo than Justin Verlander & Jeremy Bonderman -- and even the Padres comprise a questionable argument, as they are in the NL after all.

Not the Red Sox. Not the Angels. Not the Yankees. Not the Blue Jays. Not the A's. Not the Mets. Not the Braves. Not the Brewers. Not the Cubs. Not the Dodgers. Not the Diamondbacks. Get my point yet??

Some offensive stats to shut your arguments up...

  • In 86 games, the Tigers have put up a crooked 512 runs (49 more than any other team in 2 fewer games, at that)
  • 103 HR's (3rd best in the AL -- 6 fewer than the Indians, and 3 fewer than the Rangers). No team is even close to them in Total Bases (they lead the league in doubles and trail only the Royals in triples)...not even close!
  • As a team, they are batting .290 with an OPS of .825! As a team! That is insane.
  • It's actually crazy how balanced a lineup they possess -- as their #9 hitter, Brandon Inge has 11 HR's and 41 RBI's. Unbelievable. On a similar note, Placido Polanco is one of the five most underrated active players in the game -- all he does is rake, year-in and year-out. And, oh yeah...he has yet to committ a single error this season. Again, unbelievable.
  • They boost the best middle of the order in baseball in Sheffield (.303, 21 HR, 58 RBI), Magglio (.367, 13 HR, 70 RBI), and Carlos Guillen (.325, 14 HR, 67 RBI). That defines deadly! Mets fans...please, please shut up -- Delgado's swing has aged a decade in the past year.

...And with an absolutely depleted staff, the Tigers have somehow managed the 5th best team ERA to-date (trailing only the A's, Red Sox, Angels, and Twins).

  • Veteran Kenny Rogers has just joined the rotation this year, to the tune of a 3-0 record with a 1.04 ERA. Say what you want about him...but at 42, he's a much better pitcher these days than either Mussina and/or Schilling.
  • Andrew Miller has only made 6 starts (4-2, 3.31 ERA) at the major league level thus far. At 22, there is no denying that he is both a current and future STUD.
  • Their #4 starter (Nate Robertson) missed 3+ weeks while on the DL in June. He's just now rounding back into form.
  • Their 2 best relievers in Joel Zumaya and Fernando Rodney have been injured for the majority of the season. Combined, these two flame-throwers (arguably) make up the best 7th-8th inning combination in the game. When healthy, the Tigers play on a 6-inning clock.

In the end, the AL's best manager (only Mike Scioscia can present even a compelling case) is managing the team with the most talent.

GM Dave Dombrowski...give yourself a pat on the back. You have earned it.

I Have No Idea How This Guy Does This

Since I'm still bitter about Roberto Baggio shanking his penalty kick in the 1994 World Cup against those damn Brazilians....I've decided to try and rekindle my taste for soccer...outside the obvious thousands of hours I've logged playing FIFA 99-07 in the past 8 years.

I still have no idea how this guy does this. Some things seem virtually impossible to me...but I guess someone has to be the greatest juggler in the world....and I'll take this guy on my team anyway. But if you're looking for someone to take corner kicks...give me a call...because in Under 12 soccer, corner kicks was my specialty. I'm sure I'd pull a hammy with one swift kick of the leg, due to the fact that I've done nothing but eat and drink since 1999.

I Declare July 10, 2007...Natalie Denning Day

I have no idea who Natalie Denning is....but I'm going to Google her right now to find out who she please hold on............nope, I still got nothing. But I will say this....she is absolutely insane. I can't stop looking at these pictures....she's so friggin' hot. And yes, I know I'll never bang her, and she's out of my league...and blah, blah, blah, whatever else you jerkoffs want to write. The bottom line is that I really don't like any of you, and that if I close my eyes and remember what was taught to me in Elementary School....I can do anything I want...including "Naughty" Natalie Denning.

Photos courtesy of

Antoine's Wiggle Stolen in Robbery

Current Miami Heat and former Boston Celtic forward Antoine Walker was robbed at gunpoint at his home in Chicago on Monday. Walker, along with another unidentified individual, were held at the home at gunpoint while the robbers stole a vehicle, cash, and jewelry. Also stolen in the ruckus was Antoine's patented "wiggle" move used to humiliate teams after a crucial basket. Antoine was said to be very upset about losing his signature dance, because as cars, jewelry, and cash can be replaced.....the wiggle was a once and a lifetime partner.

Chicago police have one suspect that automatically comes to mind whenever anything weird like this happens, R. Kelly. He pees on chicks, so he'll be questioned and detained until the pervert that stole the wiggle is brought to justice.

To read about what really happened.....

Clay Aiken Fights Women....and Loses

According to CNN.COM......

Apparently on Saturday morning, Clay Aiken was on a flight to Tulsa....when he had an argument with a female passenger about his foot resting on the woman's arm rest. The woman apparently shoved Aiken...who immediately called flight attendants to have the situation resolved. All passengers aboard the aircraft were forced to stay on the plane until the FBI arrived to interview all responsible for the flight craft commotion. Later on that night at his concert in Tulsa, Aiken joked to his crowd about being beaten up by a girl earlier in the day.

Clay, you're on your own on this one. This is normally where I would make fun of you for frantically pushing the help button on the airplane because a girl shoved you.....but I think the story pretty much speaks for itself. All of your "Claymates" must be devastated that you were assaulted so brutally and innocently. Please come out of the's embarrassing to watch you parade around like a straight guy just to sell records.

Have a mocha frappe latte, snuggle with your George Clooney poster, and call it a career. You're fired.

Are You a Mute, or What...Guyyyyyy??????

While watching the Home Run Derby, I suddenly found myself asking a few questions.....

1) Why couldn't we substitute Erin Andrews for Bonnie Bernstein?

2) Has anyone ever heard Vlad Guerrero speak?

It seems as if the camera and hosts avoid talking to him at all costs. Although I do not catch too many Angels games unless they are playing someone on my fantasy team (yes, I have no life and have the baseball package)....I still don't think I have ever heard this mongoloid speak a word to the camera. This guy has been one of baseball's brightest stars since 1998....a legitimate MVP threat...year in/year out. He is featured in many of the FOX commercials for the pre-game show along with Jeter, Ortiz, Arod, etc. What's his deal? Finally, my prayers were answered via ESPN Deportes.....where Guerrero gave the worst interview known to man. We had the questions first asked in English to the camera, spoken to Guerrero in Spanish....the answer relayed to the host in Spanish...which was then translated back to us common folk in English. What the f*ck?!?!?'ve been playing in the majors since 1996.....although you were on Montreal.....almost all of your away games were in los Estados Unidos....which in English means....UNITED STATES!!!!!!!! Have you seriously not learned a lick of your job's native tongue in the 12 seasons that you've been playing baseball here in the states?

Does this bother anyone else....or am I being irrational here? I understand that he is from a foreign country, and I respect all nationalities/races/languages, etc.....but I cannot see myself taking a job in the Dominican Republic twelve years ago, and after twelve years...still not having an understanding of how to speak fluent Spanish....that just seems ridiculous to me.

Someone get this guy to the local Los Angeles High School....where he will fit in with the diverse population. Take him down to English 101, and have him learn cat, dog, ball, and all the basics. If Vlad is going to be one of the best baseball players of the last decade....I would at least like to hear what he has to say once and a English.

Oh, and who the hell was that hammer-hawk that was dancing around all night in the spray painted "Jordan" shirt? All he did was wave the Dominican flag all night and prance around the infield like a fairy. That guy was annoying as hell. I was hoping he'd take a high and tight fastball to the neck....but again, my prayers were not answered.

After some careful has been brought to my attention that the hammer-hawk in the spray painted shirt is Jose Lopez....not the ball player...but rather Guerrero's barber. What a f*cking tool.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Hail The Man

Here at The Win Column, it has been documented before just how legendary Jack Nicholson is. Everything about him is smooth.

P.I.M.P. -- I mean, just look at him marinating on that boat in Saint Jean Cap-Ferrat. Ladies love him, men wanna be him. After all, Nicholson was named on Maxim's "Top 10 Living Legends of Sex" with an alleged 2,000 women that he has slept with. Without any research, something tells me that Hugh Hefner likely resides at the top of such a list.

But, what I like most about Jack is that he is a true sports fan. There aren't many people from Hollywood that can say the same. Off the top of my head, here is a short list of superstars that actually possess some sports knowledge:

Spike Lee, Turtle (from Entourage), Billy Crystal, Donnie Wahlberg, Vince Vaughn, James Belushi, Alyssa Milano, Jay-Z, and Snoop Dogg.

Any others?? There aren't many more. And, no Ben Affleck does not count -- it wouldn't surprise me if he showed up to Fenway in October wearing his "pink hat".

If the above topic doesn't provide enough debate...then, what's Jack's best all-time film? Discuss...

As a Couple of Us Prepare for Jamaica...

Megan Fox is clearly a fan favorite of The Win Column, but these recent quotes are sure to make Norman Orlando have a coronary.

"I wanted to try several things and make an informed decision, but I didn’t enjoy anything other than marijuana. I don’t even think of it as a drug – it should be legalized."

Megan Fox is the new Angelina Jolie. She's flawless, all tatted-up, crazy, and brutally honest. Now, all we need to do is keep her away from Cambodia, Thailand, and every other refugee camp. Yeah, I said it. What? Angelina wasn't much hotter before becoming Ms. Humanitarian???

2006 Golden Stick Wiffle Ball Play Offs

This video was brought to my attention by my buddy. How the f*ck can anyone throw a wiffle ball like that? That kid that throws the double curve, a ball that curves in 2 different directions...should be on the cover of a Wheaties box. And that kid that throws the screwball? Holy f*ck. I'm at a loss for words. These guys are studs. You've gotta be incredibly lucky to hit bombs off those pitches.

Wiffleball Turns 54 Years Old Today

Happy Birthday to the great game of wiffleball, a great game played by kids, grown men, and fierce competitors. Follow my lead to DEADSPIN and check out their tribute and some fun facts about one of the most glorious games that can be played in your back yard, the beach, the street...wherever.

I am eager to see what the 5 best teams in America (all that reside in Indiana) look like on the wiffleball field. They must be absolutely insane. The pitchers must have all sorts of slurves, knucklers, and pitches that one never even imagined were physically possible. I'd be interested in taking a road trip to see some of these teams play. We might have to set up a Fall Classic somewhere in the near future and get a bunch of teams together to have a winner-take-all tourney for some cold-hard cash. Anything to enjoy a day of sports, beer, and gambling....oh and Portuguese/Italian/American meats on a grill. Ohhhhh nummm numm nummmmmmm.

Good looks to the boys at for the birthday wishes to wiffleball.

Back By Popular Demand...

Here are some healthy breasts to help you through your day. Enjoy. I'm off to watch the Venus Williams championship match replay, then the Federer replay to see what it is exactly I've been missing all these years.

Hooray for boobies.

Chicks Dig the Long Ball

Rios, Morneau, Vladamir Guerrero, Magglio Ordonez, Pujols, Ryan Howard, and Prince Fielder will compete tonight in the annual Home Run Derby on ESPN. It will be good to see some new faces in there this year, but I wish Bonds, Papi, and some others would have gotten in on the action. For all those gambling degenerates out there...the updated lines on BODOG.COM are as follows:

Prince Fielder - 3/1
Ryan Howard - 2/1
Justin Morneau - 6/1
VLAD - 6/1
Magglio Ordonez - 10/1
Albert Pujols - 7/2
Alex Rios - 12/1
Anonymous 10/1

If I were betting, I'd take a serious look at Morneau at 6/1 odds. I like the left handed hitters tonight in AT&T park. There are going to be so many goddamn kayaks and boats, that we may actually see someone drown in an attempt to snag a souvenir. Also, there is one open spot available for tonight's derby...should someone decide to take it. I feel bad for Alex Rios, because he has worse odds than a player to be named later...what a kick in the balls. But I'm opening up the debate as to which one of these beasts will be the Home Run Derby champion after tonight's show.

Keep Your Eye on the Ball Chieftain!

Fresh off vacation in North Carolina...Chieftain attempts to take some standing up soft toss in the Bronx with his favorite Yankees hat. As you can all see...his baseball career fizzled out much before it ever began, and he was designated for assignment to a top 5 accounting firm.

Simply Suds' Leads The "Win, Win, Win" Charge

Taken from THE SPORTING ORANGE...this is Eastside Catholic High School's version of the "Super Bowl Shuffle".

As 'Suds has discovered his life calling as a PE teacher (in the coming years), it's inevitable that he will one day coach a similar pack of fools.

In the meantime, I'm convinced that #57 is actually 'Suds reincarnated. The similarities are uncanny!

For Those of You Who Are Still In Vacation Mode At Work.....

...and want to kill some time today. Check out SI.COM today, as they have compiled a list of the greatest athletes in reference to the jersey numbers that they wore. 00-99.....and I have to admit, I'm quite impressed and would love to start a debate on if anyone disagrees with any of the selections. Obviously I think that Larry Bird should be representing #33 over Jabbar, but I guess that is just the Boston in me. Who works on a Monday after a crazy week of partying anyway? Sit at your computer or desk or whatever you do....and ease yourself into the week by doing nothing. It's the American way.

Who Cares About Wimbledon....

Nobody really cares that Venus Williams won Wimbledon over the weekend, right? I'm willing to say that tennis is one of the worst sports on the planet, especially to watch on TV. So here are some pictures of Lucy Pinder and her gi-normous cans. Because as far as I'm concerned....she's the real winner of Wimbledon this weekend. Just ask your box of tissues.

(Photos courtesy of

God Bless the Priest

Per Rotoworld, Priest Holmes does not plan on playing football again. However, being the savvy business man that Priest is, he'll continue to see spine specialists and doctors at the expense of the Chiefs, in order to protect his $10 million dollar "pro-rated" signing bonus, along with the 4 year/$20 million dollar contract extension he signed in 2003 that is set to expire after the 2009 season.

Good for you,'re sitting back and getting paid. You risked your life day in/day out, and suffered a fairly serious I honestly don't think that you should have to lose a dime of that fat contract you signed. Kansas City pretty much wore you into the dirt during the seasons of 2001-2003, as you had 327, 313, and 320 rushes, respectvely, in each of those seasons. His total numbers during this period of time were just absolutely filthy....especially in 2002/2003 where he might have had the two best years a running back has ever had...back-to-back.

Career Stats

RushingReceivingFumb.KO RetPunt Ret
YearTeamGRushYdsY/GAvg100 YdTDRecYdsY/GAvg100 YdTDLostYdsTDYdsTD
2001KC 16327155597.24.8786261438.49.92230000
2002KC 143131615115.45.29217067248.09.61310000
2003KC 16320142088.84.43277469043.19.31010000
2004KC 8196892111.54.65141918723.49.80120000
2005KC 711945164.43.8062119728.19.41100000

Imagine the year he would have had in 2004 if it weren't cut short due to injury? He rushed for almost 900 yards and 14 TD's in the FIRST HALF OF THE SEASON!!!!!!!!!!! Although his career as an every day back was cut short and sweet, watching Holmes do his signature touchdown dance a few times each weekend was worth the price of admission. Not too shabby from a kid that was an undrafted free agent out of Texas.

Should he ever step foot on a football field again, I hope he can become a two-headed beast of an attack with LJ, but I just don't see him risking another spinal cord injury to do so. Sit back, get paid, and watch the Kansas City run another one of their running backs into the they don't believe in the "Hey, can I get a breather?" technique.

You play to win the play to win the game.

4th of July -- Rewind

As I was away this past week, here is R. Kelly's "Independence" tribute from a few years back (Bernard Hopkins / Jermaine Taylor fight).

Like / dislike...what are your thoughts?

Breakfast by Alba

Cure your Monday morning appetite with this Jessica Alba GQ spread (follow the jump)...

If I had run into Alba in a random dive bar in North Carolina, I am clueless as to how I would have reacted. However, something tells me that I would have made the night into a memorable experience. After all, I'm very capable of taking Vlad Guerrero-type hacks...

Where Has Chieftain Been?

It's the question that all the kids have been asking for the past week...

Yes, it's true...I've recently just returned back from Sunset Beach, North Carolina -- a trip of many high's and low's.

This past Monday morning...Sportspen, another reader that we'll refer to as "Terp" for purposes of this post, and myself all boarded Spirit Airlines (the worst company in American existence - but, we'll get to that in another post) at the a$$-crack of dawn.

Some of us returned late Friday evening, while others were forced to return Saturday afternoon (again, because of Spirit Airlines - the worst company in America). All-in-all, I'd give our entire North Carolina adventure a 6.5 (out of 10). There were far too many underage girls, great weather (enough so to make me certifiably black), beautiful beaches, endless golf courses, Myrtle Beach (the most overrated place in history), Wilmington (the most underrated place in history), near arrests (aka, "bottle fights"), fights amongst each other, terrible pick-up lines (aka, "text bandakute references"), and much more. Have I mentioned underage girls yet??? As in, tons-and-tons-and-tons of high school butts. As in, I was the high school prom chaperon in most places (Wilmington being the exception).

Anyways, I won't bore you with many more details...other than my encounter with Julia Stiles at City Limits Saloon (in Wilmington, NC). First off, let me clarify how we discovered this gold mine. After a disappointing 4th of July, we were determined to take Thursday night (which was supposed to be our final night for all -- again, Spirit Airlines SUCKS) by storm...a knock-out punch so to speak (yes, another reference to the aforementioned near absurd "bottle fight"). So, what'd we do?? What all tipsy responsible adults do. You guessed it...we drove 40+ miles to Wilmington. Upon parking, we became ultimate creeps and followed two 10's a few blocks to the land of "Cold Beer...Hot Chicks". Yes, that is the exact slogan of the City Limits Saloon. Upon entering one of the best bar experiences of my life, I immediately walked into a screaming the tune of "30 minutes until the Bikini Bull Riding contest" -- as I watched a set of DD's ripping through a shirt that wouldn't have fit the adolescent shoulders of any of the aforementioned high school "tight-butts". My second encounter?? The discovery of America's Hottest Bartender, a 23-year-old 5th Year Senior at UNC-Wilmington. Words cannot begin to describe the body (as in, yes, I just pulled my 'pud to it -- I'm sure Sportspen and Terp have as well) on this goddess.

Anyways...on to Julia Stiles, whom Cosmopolitan has recently declared as the "Least B*tchy Girl in Hollywood" (see the above cover). Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah right!!! Julia Stiles could very well be a nice individual, but let me tell you...her ugly freckled sidekick is a kick in the nuts! What am I talking about, you ask??

Ok, allow me to step back for a minute. I have a routine -- meaning...when I enter I bar, I instinctively scour the entire scene for "talent". During this process, I will undoubtedly discover some "potential" that is assured to be hit on before night's end. If none is prevalent to the keen eye, then odds are that I'll be on to bigger and better bars...sooner than later. Well, as you probably already figured out for yourself...the City Limits Saloon was packed with eye candy. In one corner, you had said another corner, you had the finest that L.A. has to offer (a brunette named Courtney that was visiting her friend - by the way, I love her) another corner, you had the two 10's that we followed into the another corner, you had the dozens of bikini-clad "bull riders" (you think I'm kidding, don't you?)...the list goes on-and-on-and-on.

Oh yeah, how'd I another corner, you had Julia Stiles, her ugly freckled friend, and the 280 lb. man that Julia Stiles was kissing on all night. Yes, you read that correctly. Julia Stiles, a "7" on her best day (but receives major points for being a celebrity), was demonstrating serious PDA with the fattest dude in the bar -- a guy that was rockin' an EXTRA LONG braided belt (I know this because his shirt was tucked into his fat stomach). On my walk to the restroom, I had to refrain from punching this fat man's face in. Needless to say, I was in awe of what I was watching. It reminded me of my overweight ex-roommate and his girlfriend...only 100 times worse. I just had to interrupt and do something about it.

For those of you reading that don't know me, I can be blunt. In this instance, however, I wanted to play my cards perfectly. After all, if I banged the snot out of Julia Stiles, I would have taken endless photos -- and, coincidentally, The Win Column would currently be the most popular site on the net. So, what did I do? I positioned myself in prime real estate. And, what do you know...but no more than 2 minutes later, Julia Stiles was dancing within 12 inches of me to the tune of "Dipsy-Do" and "Cotton Eyed Joe". Whaaaaaaat???? Mr. DJ, you just killed my flow. As a white dude, I consider myself an above average dancer...BUT, I don't have the slightest clue when it comes to country!

As I waited the songs out and shot the $h*t with Sportspen, Terp, and every other chick that I had fallen in love with for that one night, I kept thinking to myself...what was I going to do/say to break the ice with Julia Stiles??? After all, I was doing this for the good of The Win Column. It's my duty. In the end, I opted to go with my usual "confident approach" -- meaning, I walked directly over to Stiles' crew, looked her fat-a$$ man in the eyes, looked Julia in the eyes, and then casually introduced myself. Normally, this makes girls melt. I've yet to experience Hollywood, but I'm guessing that I might need a new tactic if I were to ever decide to move there. During this brief conversation, Julia seemed approachable -- however, I sensed some awkwardness...after all, I was deliberately trying to sway her away from her "man".

10 minutes later...I watched Julia's obese boy-toy get up for the bathroom. Thus, I immediately swooped in for the the tune of her ugly-freckled friend's wrath. Along with Terp, I approached Julia... shared a few words, and then...BOOM! The friend's jealous rage (at least, that's what I'll call it) was unleashed on my a$$. I honestly don't think another girl has ever yelled at me in such a manner. This girl's acne was spewing everywhere, all while her yellow teeth acted as night-lights. And, Julia just let this b*tch keep yappin', didn't say a word, and looked in the other direction. To be honest, I was confused and didn't know exactly how to react. So, I simply laughed at the beast, shook Julia's hand, and winked as I backpedaled.

At the end of the day, I have a few questions for the readers...
  • What did I do wrong? How could my approach been improved?
  • Should I have mouthed off to "Queen Complexion" (and Julia Stiles)?

As I'm in the process of moving and preparing to leave for Jamaica this coming Wednesday (life is good), I know I have a lot of posts and additional stories to catch up on. I'll do my best to do so...