Friday, November 30, 2007

The Most Violent Movie Trailer I've Ever Seen

John Rambo: If those two words don't get your blood pumping, you're probably dead. Yes, Sly is back, and he's bigger and better than ever. More unintelligable dialogue, more slack-faced snearing, it's gonna be awesome.

Here are some high lights you don't want to miss:

1. Rambo cuts a guy's head off with a huge f*cking combat knife.

2. Rambo uses a rear mounted machine gun to kill a dude at point blank range, making a disgusting mess.

3. Rambo literally rips a guy's throat out to stop him from raping a prisoner.

4. All the old-school Rambo conventions: killing people with a bow and arrow (the arrows being exploding arrows, of course), the cliche plot of "going up the river to save hostages", the original lettering from the first movie still being used in title and credits.

I Had a Similar Reaction....How Bout You ?????? NSFW

For those of you that haven't seen the 2 girls and 1 cup video...and you are in an area where you can actually watch this....I dare you to before watching Joe Rogan's reaction to this video. WWW.2GIRLS1CUP.COM This has to be hands down one of the most disgusting fuckin' videos I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean...for those two who-ahs to participate in this kind of foul activity, really leads me to believe that the world is one fucked up place.

My advice to you on this Friday is to watch the video. And comment on what you have seen. I hope you are all scarred for life and view poop in an entirely different manner.

This is Simply Suds, and I approved this message.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Fact:The Yankees Front Office Takes Hard Drugs

Have the Yankees gone completely bonkers? Ever since Steinbrenner's seed started spiking the mineral water with bad ecstasy in meetings they've made some pretty loopey decisions. Signing Posada to a 4 year deal might be the worst....and to make him the highest paid catcher of all time no less.....OF ALL TIME! Absurd. I realize that George sold his soul to the devil back in the 70s and now poops solid gold but does that mean common sense goes right out the window?

I get it. Posada had a decent year last year but to give him the farm just solidifies the fact that the Red Sox management has left the Yanks' management in the dust. If they don't mind we'll continue to give them our washed up players after we've got the best years out of them and we'll probably grab a couple more championships while they battle for mediocrity. Also, I'm sure its inevitable that Theo will out-manuever Brian Cashman to land Johan Santana. I initially said that New York will finish behind Tampa Bay but if they keep this up they might be the leading candidate to finish dead last.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

That's Just Not Right, Man

Other than Nightmare and probably Orlando.....I hope you all find this as disturbing as I did. Because I'm still at a lost for words while watching this horrific display of emotion.

Nightmare wishes he could get this kind of reaction out of a chick from just making out and rubbing some ta's. I am a much worse person than I was 2 minutes and 6 seconds ago....but thank God the video cuts out when it does.....I don't even want to imagine what kind of finger darts were played in the bedroom.

Or do I ?

2008 Is Set to Be the Year of Simply Suds

That's right. I'm calling it right now. 2008 is going to be my year. 2007 was awful....and I'd rather pretend that I didn't spend a good portion of it unemployed and shitfaced. But such is life, and I'm ready to kick 2008's ass. Do you hear me 2008 ? Yes I am gritting my teeth at you, and I'd punch you right in the smackers if you had the audacity to look me in the eye like a human. I'm completely overhauling all aspects of my life starting right now. Work, where I live, gettin' back to my roots, and spending more time with all of you messes.

Simply Suds has been in hiding for quite some time. I promise that starting today, you're going to be wishing that we never met. Sure, maybe it will be after you find me flipping over one of your couch cushions after an "accident." Or maybe it will be when you wake up and your kitchen looks like someone decided to throw lasagna in the air and catch it like an M&M. But hey, that's the hurricane you get when you mix it up with Suds.

Be prepared....I'm back mothafuckassssssssssssss.

Happy Birthday Anna Nicole

I don't care what any of you say. Way back when Anna Nicole was a complete smoke show....its too bad she had to die disgraced, bloated and an utter laughing stock. She had her 15 minutes though which is a lot better than most of us get. I guess you could argue she was the female equivalent to Elvis but obviously to a much lesser extent. Although, if reality TV was en vogue back in Elvis' day I'll bet you a million bucks that he would have had his own show when his career entered the latter stages.

It didn't help that the media covered this fiasco with more zeal and intensity then the JFK assassination. Instead of covering relevent issues of the day Fox News opted to give hourly updates on what traces of new drugs were found in her system or the fact that she was carrying more giz than a sperm bank. Unfortuantely it wasn't just Fox though, CNN and MSNBC were all guilty. The only network that wasn't was C-SPAN and they were too busy covering bill # 3765 regarding the zoning laws in Montogomery, Alabama. Isn't there any middle ground?

Anyways, who cares? I'm not ashamed to admit when I was a young buck that beat off to Naked Gun 33 1/3. Maybe I did it again last week when it was on Comedy Central. Regardless I'd like to remember Anna like the pictures above not hunched over a toilet throwing up ejaculate.


For all you schleprocks trying to get through this work week. Wake the fuck up and get something done, or don't whatever, just watch the video.