Friday, May 25, 2007

New Campaign: Reali for Sportscenter!

Its my opinion that all the anchors currently on Sportscenter are complete and utter stiffs. I’m tired of sitting down and trying to eat dinner and trying to get caught up on the days sporting news and continually getting grossed out and losing my appetite by Stuart Scott’s gross eye. Do you remember the days of Rich Eisen, Craig Kilborn, Kieth Olberman….these guys were on point. Not only did you get the highlights, but these guys were witty, knowledgeable and overall presented themselves well. Now Sportscenter is dribble. Too many human interests stories, ridiculous stats that don’t mean anything, and its almost to the point where I don’t even want to watch it anymore because its not worth it (and it kills me to say that).

A bigger issue, that I won’t to get into in this post but will soon, is that ESPN is no longer only about showing stats and highlights in essence….they’re no longer all about sports. They’ve gotten too big for their britches. I feel the same way about MTV. Its not all about music anymore. Now some of you idiots actually watch ridiculous shows like The Real World, Two A Days, Laguna Beach and all that other smut meant directly for 13-16 year old girls…..AND THAT’S FINE…. .I just don’t want it on a station dubbed MUSIC TELEVISION!!!!! To date, there is not a station out there devoted specifically for music worth watching…although the Tube Network comes close….but I’m getting off the topic.

To bring Sportscenter back to its glory days I feel that there is only one guy in the ESPN family that can do this. With that said, I want to start a formal campaign to get Tony Reali on Sportscenter. I think he embodies all the qualities that I mentioned above, in which the anchors during the glory days of Sportscenter had. PTI and Around the Horn are probably my favorite two shows on ESPN currently and I feel Reali’s talents are being wasted. I, for one, think he is the sole person that could save Sportscenter……is there any agreement out there on this, or am I way off base?

I wanna get Psycho

This is 5 minutes of Blood and Guts that was Cam Neely. He represents everything that Hockey was and can be again.
First posted from a Finnish Hockey site.

Boston Sports Hero of the Week - Cam "Seabass" Neely

During the 1993-1994 NHL season (when hockey meant something), Cam Neely scored his 50th goal in just his 44th game of the season. Not impressed? Screw you. Only Wayne Gretzky had accomplished such a feat so quickly. But enough about goals...let's talk about what a tough prick Cam Neely was. When he beat the c*ck snot out of Ulf in the photo I have generously entire city felt his pain. I think the entire city of Boston wanted to fight Ulf after he seriously crippled Neely's knee with a cheap shot heard round the North End, Southie, and the Dot. Take it from a kid that doesn't like hockey anymore.....when Cam Neely was on the ice...everyone was doing the Ranee Rancourt fist pump and watching NESN. And how about when Neely effortlessly pounded Claude Lemieux against the boards and smashed his noggin just 11 seconds into the game? That's when the city of Boston actually had a pulse for hockey. Now we're resigned to yell like goddamn fools at Tommy or Ricky at the local skating rink while we drink a large hot coffee with some "Good Doctor" in it.

Today, our hats are off to Cam Neely. #8 will always have a place in our memories.

The Beach Is That Way.....

Good morning all you working jerk offs. I have a wiffle, and I'm heading out to the beach, again, momentarily...where I'll proceed to slug down Bud Lights all goddamn day and throw 67 ringers in a row while I piss myself in my bathing suit and nobody realizes it. Sound tempting? Of course it does, you retard. There's gonna be so much clam out at the beach today, I might have to crank off in my car. It's gonna be 90 degrees for damn's sake....girls will probably go topless and I might just rip off my bathing suit and show the world my acorn. Now if you'll excuse me, there are hundreds of girls I haven't creeped out yet, just waiting for my arrival. Hey Scotty Scorch....I'm gonna need those shades, you pervert. Move aside...and let me man go through.

Vacation part dos....yaaaaaaaaa birrrrrrrrdddddddddddddddddddddd.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

A Message to the Employed

Well, it has come time to officially call this the summer of Lytedogg. I realize you bums have a long weekend coming up, but I have a bit of an extended long weekend.

I got laid off today...again...for the second time in a little over a year...from the same company. Pretty impressive right?

How jealous are all of you sh*t bums? Tomorrow, I am hitting the links for 18. What are you doing? Oh working?... HAHAHAHA... I'll be thinking of you after I slurp down my 12th brewski on the 4th hole. Guess what, I'll still shoot an 85.

I figure after my severance package (4 months full pay, full benefits) runs out, I'm gonna get myself some unemployment checks, for say 6 months. By then, I will have probably hit the lottery...don't worry, I won't forget about the "The Win Column". I just might not have enough time between my rounds of golf, my afternoon drinking sessions, and my traveling back and forth to and from Ft. Myers.

I hope everyone has an awesome day at work...and stay tuned to my new posts..."A Message From the Unemployed".

Now if you'll excuse me, I have several shots poured that won't drink themselves. Peace...

I'm Not Dead, I'm On Vacation

I will not be posting again until possibly Tuesday, unless I black out and somehow make my fat fingers type away like my life is on the line. I'm officially on vacation starting this morning, in honor of Memorial Day. Today I had the privilege of observing "Senior Skip Day" at the beach. There was so much tail running around it was beyond belief. God, I remember the days when girls were all stupidly in shape, so tan, and so hot. If only they knew there was a former football/baseball captain about 100 yards away, lookin' all creepy, I'm sure they would have swarmed over for an autograph session.

If anyone needs me, I'll be tossin' ringers and lookin' at hot butts. One.

An A$$ Meant to be Worn as a Hat

WARNING: This video is not safe for work.

With that said, I guarantee you'll end up clicking on this link before day's end. Too tempting.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Enough is Enough

I've had the unfortunate luck of having to travel to NYC often for the past few months due to work purposes. Unlike my counterpart, Chieftain, who would beat off at such a proposal, the thought of spending any time in 'the city' absolutely makes my skin crawl. Its my opinion that they should put a toilet seat on top of that place because it looks, smells, and feels like crap. One of the adverse side-effects of my travels to New York has been being forced to listen to Sox/Yanks game on the radio. I'm not sure if any of you have had to stomach this, but one of their radio announcers is Suzyn Waldman and she's a miserable, stupid sh*tbag. She possesses little to no knowledge of the sport and I'm pretty sure she'd give a beener to any of the Yankee players if they would give her the time of day.....and yes, EVEN AROD (if he liked girls).

Now, even though I've always hated the Yankees, I've always had a certain amount of respect for the franchise. 26 World Series titles, 39 AL pennants, along with players like Mantle, DiMaggio, Maris, Gehrig, and Jeter...I think they warrant some degree of respect. But recently the combination of AROD's purple lips and Waldman's loose lips is too much! The Yankees are slipping and they need to get their house in order if they want to contend with the juggernaut that is the current Red Sox organization.

During tonight's game, Waldman was ranting and raving about Pedroia's comments about AROD. What is there to complain about??!!! It was an awful play, and he should be ashamed of himself. Waldman went on to explain that Pedroia has been in the majors for all of "2 and a half minutes" and didn't have the right.....THE RIGHT!!!!! Who the hell is this broad to know who does and does not have the right? I think she has the right to stick a sock in it. Furthermore, she went on to crap all over Farnsworth for giving up a HR to Crisp. Now don't get me wrong, pitchers should not be proud of giving up a HR to Coco or his dad, but show a little professionalism please! Not to mention her verbal orgasm when Clemens showed up in Steinbrenner's box the day he re-signed with the sounded like she was tossing fingers in the friggin' studio. This chick is a disgrace and the Yankees and whomever hired her should be ashamed of themselves. Oh, and NY fans, it gets worse because she just re-signed a contract that has her being the 'voice' of the Yankees through 2011.

Have fun suckers.

Swing and a drive.......WAAAAAAY BACK!

Here's to Manny finding his home run stroke...I say he goes yard tonight against the sour-pussed stiff Pettitte. As a side note, I wish Jerry Trupiano was still calling Sox games with Joe C. Can I get an Amen?

Newsflash: AROD still a sh*tbum pickle...

I can't believe there has been no posts about this to date, so I feel this has to be addressed. I'm sure most people reading this watched the Sox/Yanks game on Tuesday, and witnessed the atrocity AROD pulled while sliding into second base during the eighth inning. If you didn't get a chance to see this, here's what happened. While sliding into second base, in an attempt to break up a double play, AROD (after sliding and while in the process of pulling up) threw an elbow at Pedroia. Not only is this the biggest bush-league move I've seen in majors since AROD slapped Arroyo's hand, but to make matters worse after starting to walk away AROD then turned and threw his purse at the back of Pedroia's head and scurried back to his dugout!

After thinking about this all day I can only come up with two conclusions. Either AROD is clinically retarded or he's the dumbest guy on the planet. For a guy that is so image-conscious, he continuously sh*ts all over his image by being a pickle on and off the field. Pedroia had this to say about the incident:

“He went in late and kind of threw an elbow,” Pedroia said. “It was a little cheap but no big deal. I’ll remember. I play second base. I’ve got to turn two with the Yankees 19 times a year, so I know now when he’s coming in, my (arm) slot gets dropped to the floor. That’s it.”

Normally, I would call foul on a rookie calling out a veteran, but in this case I like his attitude. Plus, you don't normally find such bush league moves coming from a veteran....go figure. I hope Pedroia thows a rocket right between his eyes right after AROD takes first base after getting drilled by Schill. The Yankees are a mess.

R.I.P. ( 1986 - ? )

Devastation (noun):

1: the state of being decayed or destroyed [syn: desolation, ruin]
2: an event that results in total destruction [syn: desolation]
3: plundering with excessive damage and destruction [syn: ravaging]
4: termination by an act of destruction [syn: destruction]

Still Pissed...Don't Want to Blog

The above photos were taken from a recent Dodgers game (pictures come courtesy of Deadspin). My question is...why is Junior Seau not paying any attention to this chick??? What, you're telling me that's not him in the top photo?

If you bought 'em...flaunt 'em...

Big Game Day

In a attempt to diversify the sports coverage on this site and divert everyone's attention from the massacre that was the NBA draft lottery yesterday, I'd like to point out that one of the top five sporting events in the world is taking place today at 2:00 EST. Liverpool will face off against AC Milan today in the Champions League final. This is a rematch of the 2005 final where Liverpool pulled one of the biggest single-game comebacks in the sports history overcoming a 3-0 deficit at halftime to win the game on penalty kicks. These teams have a long history of having sick battles on the field and both teams have two of the most exciting players in the game, that being Stephan Gerrard and Kaka' on Liverpool and AC Milan respectively. If you have the chance, give it a might like it.

As a side note, did anyone see the interview that Danny Ainge gave yesterday??? I found two things appalling in the interview. One, Ainge said he feels like a losing coach in a locker room of a team that just lost a playoff series. I wish it was that easy pal, this is waaaaaay worse. If that was the case, we would be in a lot better shape. Two, he said they already have a good nucleus of players!!!!!????? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? By no means did I watch every Celts game this year, but I feel my I did my part to watch many of the games and did not see a hint of a 'good nucleus'. I wanted to slap his fat, distorted face. I know this was supposed to be a post to get your minds off the Celts but I couldn't help myself.


Upon watching this draft lottery in a company box at Yankee Stadium...I walked to the nearest restroom, stuck my finger down my throat, exited The Stadium, and hailed a cab back to my hotel. This is one of the more depressing days of my life (the Celtics had an 87.6% chance to land any other pick than #5).

Did I mention that I walked out on some of the best seats I've ever had at any professional sporting event...without even saying goodbye to any of the partners I had traveled to the game with?

I expect Pierce to demand a trade in the coming months (trade him ASAP before his stock plummets even's already close to rock bottom). He knows he only has 2 peak seasons left in him. The Celtics won't be relevent for at least another decade. What's the point in holding onto him??? So, he can lead the almighty C's to the #8 seed?? Have you watched the playoffs this year? Do you realize how far away the Celtics are from even competing with these teams?? It's disgusting.

With the exception of Al Jefferson, blow this ENTIRE team up (management included).

In the next few months, you're going to hear much analysis and yahoo about what the Celts should do with #5 overall pick. If they don't trade it, there is ONLY ONE PLAYER WORTH DRAFTING AT THIS SPOT. ONLY ONE (realize this now, before spinning your wheels any further).

I don't want to hear about Yi Jianlian, Brandan Wright, or Al Horford. Please spare me the bullsh*t -- because if you mention them, then you obviously don't have a clue about creating a successful basketball franchise. ALL THREE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED PLAYERS ARE POWER FORWARDS. THIS IS THE ONLY POSITION WHICH THE CELTICS HAVE STABILIZED (in Jefferson). None of these 3 players can play center in the NBA. It's a wasted pick and wasted breath.

So, it comes down to Mike Conley, Jr. and Corey Brewer. Both lock-down defenders. Brewer can't play a lick of offense (which the C's will need once Pierce is shown the door)...Mike Conley, Jr. has Chris Paul-like potential (much further down the road).

The Celtics already have an abundance of swingmen. The Celtics don't have a PG...haven't had one in years! Please, please, please spare me the Rajon Rondo rhetoric...I'M BEGGING YOU. Rondo is just as fast...just as, guessed it -- Marcus Banks (S-T-I-F-F). Both Rondo/Banks can defend any PG in the league, as long as it's on the perimeter. Both are undersized and lack physicality (are continuously pushed around when backed down into the paint). And, oh yeah...both are two of the worst shooters in the entire league. Both define inconsistency. The only difference? Rondo can penetrate -- which doesn't mean jack sh*t because teams can play off him and demand that he shoots the pill. Marcus Banks is/was a bust whereas Rajon Rondo should NEVER be a full-time NBA starter. NEVER. Take the blinders off and admit it...both Banks and Rondo suck! Don't believe me?? Then, you haven't watched the NBA in years.

So, there you have it...the Celtics must draft MIKE CONLEY, JR. There is no other viable option...NONE.

* If you revisit my post from over a month ago (on April 14th), this is what I had to say about Mike Conley, Jr......

My favorite player to watch in the entire draft. Calm, cool, and collected. Rarely ever makes a bad decision on the court. Lightning quick at both ends of the court. Clutch!

At the collegiate level, he was Ohio State's best player (and that is saying a TON, in-and-of itself). I may take some heat for saying this, but...Conley, Jr. is the second coming of Chris Paul -- their game's mirror each others, almost to a tee (Paul isn't much of an NBA 3-point threat either).

Many draft pundits go on to say that Conley lacks the shooting ability to become a stud in the NBA. I couldn't disagree more. Yes, Conley, Jr. struggled with his shot at the start of his freshman season -- and, he won't ever be Gilbert Arenas from behind the arc...but, he is VERY comfortable in knocking down the mid-range jump-shot (by the way, something that Rajon Rondo cannot do).


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

This is What I Call First-Class Service

Credit to FanHouse for locating this story:

Denny McClain is a lot of things...
  • Hall of Famer
  • The last pitcher to win 30 games in a season
  • A convict
  • A recovering alcoholic
  • And these days, a blogger -- the former Tigers pitcher is now writing for the Britannica Blog, where he touched upon the Josh Hancock tragedy by looking at how players treated alcohol in his heyday.

Our '68 team had a number of heavy drinkers and several who were serious problem drinkers. In fact, Norm Cash, my roommate Ray Oyler, and our manager, Mayo Smith, all died prematurely and all three were alcoholics. The best place to get high on booze was a Major League clubhouse.

When I was a rookie on the Tigers, we were traveling on a DC-6, a four-engine propeller airplane and the First Class section of the plane was in the rear, away from coaches, managers, and others who didn't need to know. The section had a round card table and a couch around it for about six guys and a United Airlines blanket. Many a willing stewardess found her way under the blanket with one of her drunken sporting heroes. You would be shocked at who made their way under the blanket. Good times were had by many, and "United" was certainly an appropriate name for our plane because there was a fair amount of "uniting" going on thanks to the lowering of inhibitions due to alcohol.

And this, Simply Suds, is why I'd prefer to be an all-star professional athlete rather than a hippy musician. If worked appropriately, athletes are heroes both on and off the field. Guaranteed contracts...guaranteed a$$.

I Declare Shenanigans

So, George Foreman is now saying that he was drugged before his famous 1974 bout with Muhhamad Ali, dubbed "The Rumble in the Jungle". Don't you think that you might have wanted to bring this up, oh say 33 or so years ago? Honestly, what is the point of this? Are you trying to bait Ali into a rematch, because for some reason (mainly Parkinsons), I don't think he is the same kind of fighter he used to be.

Foreman says that someone gave him water that "tasted like medicine", but he drank it anyways. Well, who's fault is that? He claims that after 3 rounds, he felt like he had already fought 15 rounds. That had nothing to do with the 95 degree weather, and the 6,000 punches you threw in the first 9 minutes of the fight, right? Get over it buddy, you lost to the best fighter of all time. There is no shame in that. Just take it like a man, go grill yourself a burger or 25, and take solace in the fact that you have millions of dollars...

Or if it will make you feel better, make up more excuses for fights that were over 30 years ago, and see if you can get a rematch, you bum.

It Ain't No Crime

Clinton Portis and Chris Samuels came to the defense of Mike Vick yesterday in an interview from mini camp. Apparently, they don't think that betting on dogs to rip each other into piles of flesh is a big idea, never mind a crime. Portis did most of the talking, while Samuels tried to play comedian in the background, chiming in whenever he felt necessary. Some memorable quotes from the Portis interview were:

"I don't know if he was fighting dogs or not," Portis said. "But it's his property; it's his dogs. If that's what he wants to do, do it."

"I know a lot of back roads that got a dog fight if you want to go see it. But they're not bothering those people because those people are not big names. I'm sure there's some police got some dogs that are fighting them, some judges got dogs and everything else."

"Then I think he got cheated....You're putting him behind bars for no reason -- over a dog fight."

Wow Clinton, I used to think you were a weird prick before whenever you'd show up to Wednesday interviews in your latest drag queen attire....but now I just think that you are just that stupid. Based on your opinion, if I own a property, I should be able to do whatever the hell I want on it, because it's my property. You obviously believe in the Dukes of Hazard mentality that if you're on my property, I can tuck in my flannel shirt and put a shotgun shell right through your chest....even if its a girl scout trying to peddle some cookies. You dumb prick. I don't know what kind of mud hut you grew up in, but there are actual laws in this country. Just cause you have a fat wad of chaw stuffed in your gum, rockin' on the old front porch, doesn't entitle you to do whatever the hell you want. Maybe I should just start an enormous prostitution ring out of my house, after all, I can't get in trouble right? I can't even imagine what kinds of weird crap goes on at your house. You probably have guys tied up in all those fruity wigs and glasses. Concentrate on staying healthy, and don't worry about other people's problems.

Oh, and hours after his little banter above, the Redskins clearly made this boob release a public statement:

"In the recent interview I gave concerning dog fighting, I want to make it clear I do not take part in dog fighting or condone dog fighting in any manner."

Good for you, Clinton. You sound like John Kerry, the flip flopper!

Moment of Truth

I'm dead serious...I can't sleep.

The NBA's draft order will be determined in 19 hours (on ESPN at 8:30).

Below, I have laid out the odds of which pick the Celtics are most likely to be granted (with the 2nd worst record, they are guaranteed to land one of the first 5 picks in the upcoming draft):
  • #1 overall -- 19.9% chance
  • #2 overall -- 18.8% chance
  • #3 overall -- 17.1% chance
  • #4 overall -- 31.9% chance
  • #5 overall -- 12.4% chance
...The more and more that I blankly stare at these odds, the more depressed I become. Not to get religious on all of you, but I'm pleading with the heavenly spirits above to help out with tonight's lottery. If the Celts land a 7'0" chinaman (with not a single low-post move in his arsenal), I won't be able to cope.

As Tommy Heinsohn is scheduled to represent the C's at the draft, he went on to say...“I think they picked me because I was the guy willing to take those hook shots from the corner in order to win a game. The odds weren’t always that good...but, you know, sometimes they went in."

Monday, May 21, 2007

Gammons' Best Propaganda Attempt Yet

So, I just got in from tonight's game (you'll be able to find me at The Stadium for the next 2 nights as well)...and flipped on Baseball Tonight. Maybe I shouldn't have.

Did Peter Gammons just state that Josh Beckett injured his finger via a "defective baseball"?? When I originally heard this on ESPN's Sunday night Yanks-Mets game, I thought I was taking crazy pills. But, he just mentioned this exact notion AGAIN!!!!!! Have "defective baseballs" been the reason he's already been disabled 10 times in his young career??? I've heard it all now -- Red Sox Nation has unlimited excuses...

Hilarious!! Gammons, you're dangerously close to "jumping the shark". Smarten up and re-group...because you are clearly losing your edge.

Side note...Peter Gammons just turned 62?? He looks like death. I honestly thought he was AT LEAST in his mid-70's.

Still Don't Think Reggie Bush is an Underachiever??

Well, word is that Kim Kardashian has broken it off with Bush................for Scott Scorch. Don't bother apologizing -- I already accept your sincere apologies (for ever doubting my professional opinion).

Liza Minelli and David Gest, anyone??

Commissioner Chieftain

This past Friday, Pittsburgh Steelers assistant coach Larry Zierlein "accidentally" forwarded a pornographic e-mail to multiple general managers, their accompanying secretaries, and commissioner Roger Goodell.

Last year, it was Lions defensive line coach Joe Cullen, as he was arrested for driving while nude. To make matters worse, Cardinals tight ends coach Richie Anderson was fired soon thereafter, as he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute.

MLB has the steroids issue...but, the NFL is in complete disarray these days. Their players are thugs. Their commissioner is attempting to create his immediate legacy (by suspending players that haven't yet been convicted of crimes). NFL "figureheads" are proving to be completely incompetent off the field. And, oh yeah...this doesn't even begin to touch on the FACT that NFL athletes take insurmountable doses of steroids -- an accepted practice which is pushed under the rug! No??? Look no further than how favorable Shawn Merriman continues to be viewed by his peers and fans.

Quite frankly, I could care less about this particular incident. However, if the NFL is to continuously kick Ricky Williams out of the league for his innocent (yet immature) use of marijuana, then Zierlein should also be banned from the league...I don't care that Zeirlein has been employed within NFL circles for 29 years. Step back and think about this situation realistically...only a few (major) corporations drug test their employees. If, however, an employee fails a drug test, he/she deserves to be terminated. In turn, what do you think would happen if you forwarded porn to your company's CEO?? It goes without saying!

Roger Goodell clearly wants to make a name for himself. If he fails to do the right thing here, then Goodell should definitively be viewed as a fraud.

I'd Go Drinking With Rick Sutcliffe and Bill Murray

Normally, I get super pissed off when friggin' ESPN has to use their friggin' trump card and demand to show Sox games, not allowing me to enjoy the extravaganza that is the NESN broadcasting team. Joe Morgan makes me so mad, I want to bang my head into a wall while pulling out my pubes...and Jon Miller looks like a character from Shrek. Compare that to Remy's air guitar, Orsillo's awkward/hilarious interviews, and Tina Cervasio's perky apple little breasts (not to mention Hazel's sports updates)......what more could a guy ask for!?

However, while watching the Sox on ESPN tonight, I'm reminded of almost a year ago to the day when Rick Sutcliffe, after boozin' it up all day, meandered into the Padres' broadcasting booth sh*tfaced. Making us all fondly remember the days when we tied one on mid-afternoon, then afterwards tried to insert ourselves back into normal society only to quickly find out it ain't pretty. Here's a brief description of part of the incident (as reported by MSNBC):

The trio first talked about golf and actor Bill Murray, who was with Sutcliffe at the game. The conversation turned to Sutcliffe’s daughter, who, the pitcher said, has been accepted to Harvard Medical School.

That’s when Sutcliffe began to meander.

“She’s on her way to Africa tomorrow,” Sutcliffe said. “How about that? Over there on one of those missions, man. George Clooney — you been reading about all that, you been seeing that?”

To which Vasgersian responded with surprise: “George Clooney?”

“Yeah, he’s up there with the Congress, he’s trying to get everybody to go over there and solve that thing.”

Sutcliffe then said: “I’m getting yelled at from Bill Murray in the back. I need to go. I’d much rather hang with you guys.”

Mark Grant then thanked Sutcliffe for joining them.

“Mud, you’re the best, man,” Sutcliffe replied. “Anybody on Earth that doesn’t like Mark Grant, they’ve got problems.”

then asked Vasgersian, “Matty, what are you still doing here in San Diego?” Vasgersian tried to steer the conversation to baseball, but Sutcliffe persisted.

In my opinion, this proves two things that I've believed for awhile. One, deciding to drink in the afternoon could potentially be the best decision you make all day. And two, I really want to hang out with Bill Murray. If you click on the link below you'll get to the video.


Poor Plaxico Burress. I actually feel bad for this pathetic loser. The NY Post's "Page Six" is reporting that Burress stormed out of the popular Bliss Club in Clifton, NJ last Wednesday night because he couldn't get any ladies to pay any attention to him. Burress was so pissed that he apparently didn't tip his cocktail waitress or pay his $2,000 tab that he and his posse had racked up. Burress apparently refused to sign autograph for male fans, and also approached chick after chick, pretty much begging girls to pay him some attention. Joe Namath got closer to getting laid on ESPN with Suzy Kolber than Burress did to leaving with a female companion at the Bliss Club.

Wow, you are a star WR on a New York football team, make millions, and still can't get laid? There are dudes that showed up at that club who still live with their parents, had $20 on their person, and still went home with some tail. I find this absolutely hilarious. I can't even imagine the nonsense that must come out of Plaxico's mouth if he keeps getting the Dikembe Mutumbo finger to the face. Buddy, have a little game for Christ's sake. Do you need some pointers? Sorry that you're not hitting on chicks that just shot whiskey after mining all day like you did in Pittsburgh, but grow a set of bizzalls, would ya? Keep up the good work, Plaxico. You can't seal the deal in Clifton, NJ.......I wonder how that sick game you spit would work out in LA or in Miami. Wow...have a day, buddy. You jerk.

Aloha Seau

It was reported this morning that the Patriots and Junior Seau have agreed to another one year contract, however, the terms are currently undisclosed. I wanted to go on record as saying this is a hell of a signing. Normally, I'm not one to sing praises for a USC alum....but I love his intensity, football smarts, and gerry curl. Not only is he a great asset on the field, but I think his off-field leadership will go a long way down the stretch, particularly in helping new players get acclimated to the 'way things work' in New England. He's a great team leader (on a team that has many), leads by example, and is always one of the hardest working guys on the team.

Another stellar move by the Pats' management.


Pacman's Main Man

According to FanHouse...

Cincinnati's NBC affliate WLWT is reporting that Chris Henry failed a court ordered drug test and is likely facing jail time. The testing was part of his probation agreement with the state of Florida in that weapons charge he copped last fall.

Kenton County prosecutor Gary Edmondson said the next move is up to Florida, where Henry was on probation for two years, served 100 hours of community service, attended a firearms safety class and forfeited the 9 mm gun he pulled during a skirmish in downtown Orlando.

But, that's not all! Henry also has an 88-day suspended sentence in Kentucky and a 30-day suspended sentence in Ohio and this little slip up could mean both states (along with Florida) may further reprimand Henry.

Henry is currently suspended for the Bengals' first eight games of the season, but could have the suspension lengthened if he gets in any more trouble. Well, this violation probation defines "more trouble."

Who is the biggest punk currently employed by the NFL...Henry, Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson, or the Vick family?? Randy Moss and TO are choir boys compared to these misfits.

As a side that his high school jersey that Chris Henry is rockin' in the above mug shot??

The Tribe Can Flat Out Rake

With their victory over the Cincinnati Reds yesterday, the Cleveland Indians improved to 16-4 at home this season, the best start in the 107 year history of the franchise. If you haven't had a chance to watch the Indians play this season, I suggest you should probably punch yourself in the face and do yourself another disservice. This team is young, energetic, and can flat out absolutely mash the hell out of the cover of a baseball. Sizemore, Peralta, Pronk Hafner, Victor Martinez, Josh Barfield, Casey Blake....and our old friend the "Dirt Dog" himself, Mr. Trot Nixon. That's a solid nucleus of a team that could be around to make noise for the next decade. Besides C.C. Sabathia (and Faustano Carmona as of late) the pitching is hit or miss, but with those aforementioned studs above providing enough offense each game, the Tribe is going to make a serious pennant push this year. This is the most excitement at Jacobs Field since "Wild Thing" Rick Vaughan and Wily "Mays" Hayes were bringing down the house in Major League. I've never been to Cleveland, and I'm sure I'll probably never go either....but if I did, you can pretty much put it on the board that I'd try to check out an Indians game. All I really need to have a good time is cold draft beer and 6 different types of processed meat. You got that, right Cleveland?

Happy Birthday to Chieftain

If only I could pitch in some loot and get you what you really want for your birthday...Derek Jeter to wake you up this morning in his boxer shorts. Your Yankees are 10 1/2 games back, and spare me the "it's only May 21st" routine....they simply just aren't that good as a "team." Now if you could take two seconds to stop visualizing yourself playing a made up position in between your boyish crushes on AROD and Jeter, you'd realize this fact. AROD is finally coming back down to earth, and the Yankees are bringing up high school kids from the Bronx, just to have enough arms to get them through their weekly schedule.

Tonight, the Sox and Yanks kick off their 3-game series in the section of the Bronx that smells like the crap I take after drinking 19 Bud Lights and an assortment of fast food tasty treats. Seeing that it's Chieftain's birthday, I'd just like to personally thank the co-founder of this website. Although you're overly opinionated, and you like a bunch of pooh jabbers for a baseball team, today is your day. So go watch Jeter highlights on YouTube, and pull your pud all morning long. It's ok to have secrets. Some of us just don't like baseball players in that way, you just happen to be on the other side of the fence on this one. GO SOX!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I'd Rather Watch Hot College Chicks Play Field Hockey....

...than watch a lick of NHL hockey. I just saw on ESPN that the Ottawa Senators defeated the Sabres to win the Eastern Conference finals. Frankly, I don't give a damn. I didn't even know the 4 teams that still were playing that abortion of a sport. Ice Hockey is terrible, horrible, awful, and terrible again. Does anyone really still watch this? I'd rather watch Kristie Yamaguchi do a triple sow cow than watch 12 seconds of hockey.....even if she falls and shows the world her biscuit. What an embarrassment of an organization the NHL is. I used to live for the Boston Bruins and playoff hockey. What was better than seeing Rosie Ruzicka score a goal and smile to the world with his decayed Russian foredome?

Here's to completely eliminating hockey as a sport altogether. Nobody watches it, nobody cares.

What Happens When You Drink Jager Until 3 AM....

You go to flag football at 8 AM, still pretty much blacked out of your tit$, and you realize that you have to play a man short. Your entire team is blacked out, so you decide to puke your face off in the middle of the field during a play. No big deal. You lose by 30 points to a bunch of mallets, and you pray to the heavenly father above to strike you with a bolt of lightning that will make your heart explode. I am so miserable right now, I actually feel like sticking my finger down my throat and throwing up one of the 54 Bud Lights, 4 Jager shots, or 4 Buca shots I drank last night. At least there was a bunch of clam out last night. I'm sure I got real weird...but when push comes to shove, getting weird is half the battle.