It's Goin' Down on Lansdowne

Boston Red Sox vs. Seattle Mariners
Josh Beckett (1-0) vs. Jeff Weaver (NR)
2:05 PM - In Friendly Fenway Park

Normally on a Tuesday, I would attempt to be productive in some kind of way. Whether that means cleaning my house, or going to the gym....'Simply Suds' doesn't live too exciting of a life. But there's always that one day a year I wake up at 8 AM with a thirst for beer, sausages, peanuts, franks, and whatever else will take years off my life. Unfortunately, this will be the first Opening Day I will miss since 1999....but, I will be there in heart and soul. You will be able to find me throwing up in the bleachers for Friday's game....should that not get rained out.

Today, Josh Beckett gets the ball...and I feel good about it. He should be cranking his fastball in the mid 90's....perhaps with a little extra mustard on it today. Fenway Park is going to be insane. I don't care if Aerosmith sings the national anthem, or if it's the Pussycat Dolls telling me to loosen up my buttons...that are actually a little too snug. It's friggin' Opening Day. Are you not excited? Do you have a pulse? If you're not pumped up for this game today, punch yourself in your Adam's apple (ladies, just stick a finger nail in your eye...that will do). Seriously....Josh Beckett is going to have at least 7 K's today. Besides Ichiro, I'm not scared by anyone in that lineup. You think that stork-b-dork, Richie Sexson, is going to do anything???? That tall goofy bastard should hail a cab to the TD Banknorth Garden and play center for the Celts tonight. And, I have a message for Adrian Beltre. Hey Adrian...you're terrible. You needed the sauce to get your monster contract, and now you should be hanging out with Pedro under the mango trees, because I think Helen Keller would have a better batting average than you....you jerk. You are batting .100. Wow. Just kill yourself for Christ's sake.

I'm predicting the boys come out swinging today. J.D. Drew will go yard, too. Jeff Weaver is a hack. He had a decent couple of years with the Tigers, but that's back when I was in high school/early college and used to get a decent amount of tail. Believe me...that was many moons ago.

Let's go Sox. It's Opening Day in Boston. Millions of people are skipping work and getting piss drunk to cheer you guys on. Don't disappoint us today....or we'll be blacking out tonight.