ESPN Has Jumped The Shark

As Rotoworld reports, Michael Vick formally filed a plea deal in federal court Friday, agreeing that his dog-fighting enterprise included gambling and the killing of dogs.

Vick conceded to funding Bad Newz Kennelz and that the proceeds went to his co-defendants, but claims he didn't reap monetary benefit. Furthermore, he admitted he knew gambling was taking place and that dogs "died as a result of the collective efforts of Purnell Peace, Quanis Phillips, and Vick himself."

...You want to call yourself the "Worldwide Leader"??? I mean, that's what you refer to yourself at every moment possible, right? How about getting quite possibly the biggest story in sports, since the OJ Simpson trial, correct? ESPN...you butchered this ordeal beyond belief. For the past month, you have continuously flip-flopped sides/opinions/facts relating to nearly every issue surrounding the Vick matter. Your sources suck! And, while I'm at it...do yourself a favor, and permanently remove Roger Cossack from your airwaves. As a legal correspondent, he brings absolutely nothing to the table. In every interview, he backtracks upon his previous statements. He's the Sean Salisbury of lawyers...only Cossack's act is real, and not schtick. I can't decide what's worse.

And, how about Jamie Foxx??? Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of Jamie Foxx, but that doesn't change the fact that Foxx is a very stupid man. First Clinton Portis, then Stephon Marbury, then Roy Jones Jr., and now Jamie Foxx. In the end, they all backpedal like Cossack...and provide a rehearsed and meaningless apology.

"I used to see dog fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn't know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn't read his handbook on what not to do as a black star."

Where to start?? Why do 99% of black stars (Jamie Foxx's words, not mine) feel the need to continue their "gully" acts once they become superstars. Once you're a star, why must "black stars" continue to live their lives as if they are always searching that almighty "street cred"?? You've already made it...who the hell cares what the Compton Crips think of you? The gang-bangers would give anything to switch positions with you, so why act like the roles should be reversed? Congratulations, Stanley Williams respects you. What's more marketable...the "street cred" that comes with Pacman Jones or the dignity that follows the likes of Tiger Woods and Dwyane Wade?

* Much credit should be given to long-time reader, Glen, for photoshopping the above picture

WFAN In New York Is For Idiots And Retards....Seriously

Say what you will about WEEI. I consider myself a loyal listener, logging in anywhere between 3-5 hours per day. I fully realize that the station can be tough to listen to at times. I've been thoroughly enjoying Gerry Callahan's throat cancer or whatever the hell he has, so I haven't been forced to listen to his friggin' whacked-out, George Bush loving rants. The "Big Show" is a bunch of meatheads, foaming at the mouth yelling at each other (which I love), and I'm fairly certain Glen Ordway's sports knowledge rivals that of a mediocre fan (at best). I'm convinced Dale Arnold diddles little boys. I think Meter is the most knowledgeable on the station and I love Michael Holley and Mike Adams.

That said, because I'm in NY this week, I have the pleasure (and I use that term loosely) of listening to WFAN. For the past day, the smug nitwits that run that station have brought stupidity to a WHOLE new level. Throughout the day, culminating during the 'Mike and the Mad Dog' show, I had to listen to caller-after-caller saying how they have 'counted out' the Sox. I had to listen as these crapsh*ts kept calling saying that the only team they are REALLY worried about is the Angels. Last time I checked, the Sox were still 4 games up, with one of the best pitching staffs in the game. So Yankees fans, a personal message from me to you. Don't get ahead of yourselves, there's still a lot of baseball to be played and the road to the playoffs won't be paved with NY style pizza. So, keep your pants on and don't start beating off yet...AND go f*ck yourself.

To make matters worse, even the talk show hosts are complete nimrods. In my opinion, the host of a show is supposed to act as the voice of reason during these shows. It's inevitable, whomever is controlling the phone lines is going to put on the most ostentatious and obnoxious people. It makes for good radio.....I get that. But the host has a responsibility to mediate the show and bring a certain amount of rational thought. That is, if you want to run a reputable program...which in this case, he obviously doesn't. One more point of contention before I end this rant. I had to listen to people blasting Gagne all day (rightfully so), however, I think making the claim that signing Gagne ruined the Sox bullpen is a bit much. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that having Gagne will do more good than bad, and when its all said and done, we'll be pumped we picked him up.

Orlando

P.S. - Chieftain, on a side note. Can't you pull some strings and get that friggin' c*nt, Suzyn Waldman off the radio waves? I know I've mentioned this before, but every time I hear her, I'm reminded of how much of a disgrace it is.

NBC to Earn a "Tommy Point"?

NBC Universal Co-Chairman Ben Silverman has recently stated the following in a recent Advertising Age piece (http://adage.com/mediaworks/)...

"One show that's changing the definition of the word 'future' as it relates to Mr. Silverman is American Gladiators, the Reveille-owned cavalcade of well-oiled, padded combatants that might soon reappear on NBC after NFL football."

INCREDIBLE! Sunday Night Football and then American Gladiators??? Granted, the programming would have to start around midnight, but this is the type of progressive thinking that America needs. This combination packs a powerful punch, no matter the time slot.

On that note, why hasn't this show aired since 1996??

Malibu, Lace, Gemini, Zap, Nitro, Blaze, Hawk, etc. -- are you kidding me?? Simply Suds is "smearing sh*t on his face" (his line, not mine) as we speak.

Cue the theme song...

Quite Frankly, I Think You're a Douchebag

Enough is enough. I mean, did anyone else get tired of hearing Stephen A. Smith yell every time he had the opportunity to talk last night? Both Tirico and Bilas were completely fine during the whole draft, and by fine, I mean they were being normal and not yelling at the top of their lungs while sh*ting on every teams draft moves EXCEPT the Knicks (not that surprising because Smith is admittedly a HUGE New York fan for all sports). Quite frankly Stephen, your style sucks. Take the hint. Your show was cancelled on ESPN after a year. Your appearances on any ESPN programming is dwindling faster than Nightmare's hairline. And earlier this year, you sunk so low as to take a cameo appearance on General Hospital just to get some cash.

Whats up with the anger dude? Relax, smoke some dope or something. You don't have to keep perpetuating the angry black man persona just to keep your job. You can 'keep it real' in other ways...try reporting the facts objectively, and then giving a well thought out opinion instead of just yelling....just a thought. Either way, a good first step for you is to take a big fat chill pill and maybe not talk for awhile. Am I way off on this?

Orlando

Mid-Draft Thoughts...

I was on the treadmill watching the draft and had to cut my workout short to work-up this column before my thoughts all blended together and became mushier than my soon to be sunburned a$$. So here goes...

David Stern lost some serious cache during that opening monologue. Ta-ta-ta-ta-day-David. Widely recognized as the most well-educated and well-respected commish around, Stern utterly bombed. I'm gonna send him some Hooked on Phonics for kwanza.

Second, go back to Duke and get some new material, Jay Bilas. Your brothers and sisters (that's lawyer speak for colleagues) would be ashamed. Of Mike Conley, Jr., Bilas noted "He's not a good athlete, he's a great athlete." Just one pick later he said of Jeff Green, "He's not a good passer, he's a great passer." C'mon dude, that's just weak.

Maybe I'm splitting hairs here (say that 3 times fast Stern), but Suds could do a better job after 25 ice cold ones.

Furthermore, I cannot believe I'm saying this, but Stephen A. Smith as been pretty good thus far. Normally the guy is pecker, but in the shadows of Bilas his animated insight has been refreshing.

Per usual, Mike Tirico has carried the broadcast and Andy Katz has contributed some solid analysis.

All in all, I give it a "C+" to this point. But who am I to judge.

"The Kobe Video" Has Been Released

By now, I'm sure you've all heard about "The Kobe Video"...the 25 second clip that features Kobe discussing and dissing the Lakers organization with several strangers in a dining parking lot.

The terds over at The Kobe Video have held out a month to release this garbage????

Quite honestly, this video shows me next to nothing (to watch the video in entirety, follow the jump). Huge disappointment!!

http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2007/06/28/the-kobe-video-has-been-released/

UPDATE: Deadspin has located a photo of the supposed "Kobe Video" guys (see top photo above). Yep, herbs!

http://deadspin.com/sports/sure,-we.d-pay-10-bucks-for-their-work/yep-the-kobe-video-guys-are-dorks-273175.php

Anyways, I just caught up on the latest episodes of 'Entourage' last night -- is it me or is that guy on Kobe's left (our right) Billy Walsh???

Lastly, is the red Nike shirt that Kobe is wearing from the Tiger Woods collection?? It's the same shirt that Tiger's newly refined 'guns' unleashed upon the sporting world (at the US Open) just a few weeks back.

Talk Dirty To Me, Or Talk About The Power I....You're Still Sexy

Bonnie "Blowjob" Bernstein is the hidden gem in sideline reporting for the NFL. She's the only chick I don't find really annoying (a la Suzy Kolber) when I'm watching a game. The way she talks about the nitty gritty, the x's and o's....gets my little chubby going.

Bonnie....sweetheart....I don't know how many poles you smoked to get your job....but it was well worth it. You are probably an animal in the sack.....and if you want to talk about the Wing T offense I ran in high school while you ride me....I'm completely fine with that. Or, if you want to take it in the crapper while I talk about my "Base Over 3, check Lighting/Tiger", I'm ok with that too. Whatever you want, hunny. It's your day. You sexy piece of a$$.

New Campaign: Reali for Sportscenter!

Its my opinion that all the anchors currently on Sportscenter are complete and utter stiffs. I’m tired of sitting down and trying to eat dinner and trying to get caught up on the days sporting news and continually getting grossed out and losing my appetite by Stuart Scott’s gross eye. Do you remember the days of Rich Eisen, Craig Kilborn, Kieth Olberman….these guys were on point. Not only did you get the highlights, but these guys were witty, knowledgeable and overall presented themselves well. Now Sportscenter is dribble. Too many human interests stories, ridiculous stats that don’t mean anything, and its almost to the point where I don’t even want to watch it anymore because its not worth it (and it kills me to say that).

A bigger issue, that I won’t to get into in this post but will soon, is that ESPN is no longer only about showing stats and highlights in essence….they’re no longer all about sports. They’ve gotten too big for their britches. I feel the same way about MTV. Its not all about music anymore. Now some of you idiots actually watch ridiculous shows like The Real World, Two A Days, Laguna Beach and all that other smut meant directly for 13-16 year old girls…..AND THAT’S FINE…. .I just don’t want it on a station dubbed MUSIC TELEVISION!!!!! To date, there is not a station out there devoted specifically for music worth watching…although the Tube Network comes close….but I’m getting off the topic.

To bring Sportscenter back to its glory days I feel that there is only one guy in the ESPN family that can do this. With that said, I want to start a formal campaign to get Tony Reali on Sportscenter. I think he embodies all the qualities that I mentioned above, in which the anchors during the glory days of Sportscenter had. PTI and Around the Horn are probably my favorite two shows on ESPN currently and I feel Reali’s talents are being wasted. I, for one, think he is the sole person that could save Sportscenter……is there any agreement out there on this, or am I way off base?

Gammons' Best Propaganda Attempt Yet

So, I just got in from tonight's game (you'll be able to find me at The Stadium for the next 2 nights as well)...and flipped on Baseball Tonight. Maybe I shouldn't have.

Did Peter Gammons just state that Josh Beckett injured his finger via a "defective baseball"?? When I originally heard this on ESPN's Sunday night Yanks-Mets game, I thought I was taking crazy pills. But, he just mentioned this exact notion AGAIN!!!!!! Have "defective baseballs" been the reason he's already been disabled 10 times in his young career??? I've heard it all now -- Red Sox Nation has unlimited excuses...

Hilarious!! Gammons, you're dangerously close to "jumping the shark". Smarten up and re-group...because you are clearly losing your edge.

Side note...Peter Gammons just turned 62?? He looks like death. I honestly thought he was AT LEAST in his mid-70's.

I'd Go Drinking With Rick Sutcliffe and Bill Murray

Normally, I get super pissed off when friggin' ESPN has to use their friggin' trump card and demand to show Sox games, not allowing me to enjoy the extravaganza that is the NESN broadcasting team. Joe Morgan makes me so mad, I want to bang my head into a wall while pulling out my pubes...and Jon Miller looks like a character from Shrek. Compare that to Remy's air guitar, Orsillo's awkward/hilarious interviews, and Tina Cervasio's perky apple little breasts (not to mention Hazel's sports updates)......what more could a guy ask for!?

However, while watching the Sox on ESPN tonight, I'm reminded of almost a year ago to the day when Rick Sutcliffe, after boozin' it up all day, meandered into the Padres' broadcasting booth sh*tfaced. Making us all fondly remember the days when we tied one on mid-afternoon, then afterwards tried to insert ourselves back into normal society only to quickly find out it ain't pretty. Here's a brief description of part of the incident (as reported by MSNBC):

The trio first talked about golf and actor Bill Murray, who was with Sutcliffe at the game. The conversation turned to Sutcliffe’s daughter, who, the pitcher said, has been accepted to Harvard Medical School.

That’s when Sutcliffe began to meander.

“She’s on her way to Africa tomorrow,” Sutcliffe said. “How about that? Over there on one of those missions, man. George Clooney — you been reading about all that, you been seeing that?”

To which Vasgersian responded with surprise: “George Clooney?”

“Yeah, he’s up there with the Congress, he’s trying to get everybody to go over there and solve that thing.”

Sutcliffe then said: “I’m getting yelled at from Bill Murray in the back. I need to go. I’d much rather hang with you guys.”

Mark Grant then thanked Sutcliffe for joining them.

“Mud, you’re the best, man,” Sutcliffe replied. “Anybody on Earth that doesn’t like Mark Grant, they’ve got problems.”

Sutcliffe then asked Vasgersian, “Matty, what are you still doing here in San Diego?” Vasgersian tried to steer the conversation to baseball, but Sutcliffe persisted.

In my opinion, this proves two things that I've believed for awhile. One, deciding to drink in the afternoon could potentially be the best decision you make all day. And two, I really want to hang out with Bill Murray. If you click on the link below you'll get to the video.

http://www.foundrymusic.com/opieanthony/displaymedia.cfm/id/11677/

Was Imus Right...After All?

Per the Associated Press...

Rutgers women's basketball coach C. Vivian Stringer has signed a deal to write a book about her life, set to be published next year. The book, tentatively titled "Stepping Up and Standing Tall,'' is scheduled to be released by Crown Books in the first half of 2008.

Stringer and her players were the focus of a nationwide debate on race and gender over the last two weeks after derogatory remarks directed at them by syndicated radio host Don Imus, who was eventually fired by CBS. The remarks were made after Rutgers' 59-46 loss to Tennessee in the national championship game on April 3.

Team members spoke on national television several times, including an appearance on Oprah Winfrey's show last Thursday.

Stringer, 59, began working on a book proposal last year, basketball team spokeswoman Stacey Brann said, though negotiations with Crown did not start until last week. The amount of Stringer's advance for the book was not disclosed.

Ok, let me get this straight...so, the entire Rutgers basketball met with Don Imus last week to set the record straight. Since then, not a single team member has said a word about the incident?? Mind you, the entire team spoke extremely openly and candidly just last week whenever a tape recorder was put in their face(s).

Something is wrong here, as my intuition tells me that someone on the Rutgers basketball team would have said something by now. Unless, of course...the team has now been instructed by Coach Stringer to keep everything (which went on behind closed doors) secret?? How dare I infer such a thing...

If this is the case -- and, if Stringer plans to personally profit from her "tell-all" book...then the world will know whom was/is, indeed, the real "nappy headed ho"...

This entire ordeal was ridiculous. Don Imus made a living off making similar comments for 30+ years. If he were to be fired, it should have been because his ratings had been plummeting - not because of an off-the-cuff comment made via live radio.

And this is just my opinion...but, Stringer has been playing the country like fools for the past week-and-a-half. This has been one gigantic marketing ploy - and this new book deal only further cements this notion. If Stringer was actually offended by Imus' comments, then her publication earnings should be given a charity of good cause. Instead, Imus has made Stringer into a public figure overnight -- and Stringer has her hands cupped for more greed.

After all, wasn't it Snoop whom described a "ho" as someone "that's trying to get a n*gga for his money"? How is this scenario any different??

In conclusion, when will the day come that we (as a world) view situations as simply right and wrong...rather than black and white??

Greeny's NBA Draft Proposal

(Picture is property of ESPN)

As the NBA nears the playoffs, there is a buzz around the league. In most media circles though, the buzz is not about the balls being tipped to open up the 2007 playoffs, but instead the buzz is around the lottery balls churning to see who gets what pick in this years lottery draft.

With two legitimate franchise players in Greg Oden and Kevin Durant, there is an extremely strong incentive for non-playoff teams to do everything they can to land one of these "game changing" players.

Under the current NBA rules, the easiest way to get the best chance of landing one of these two players, that undoubtedly will change the course of your franchise, is to, ironically, lose the most games as possible. In the media, speculation is abound that some teams, our hometown Celtics being the main culprit, are losing games on purpose to get more of those beloved ping-pong balls.

The rules are this...the team with the worst record in the regular season gets the most balls, the team with the second worst record gets the second most balls and so on (you get the point). This, undoubtedly, is a full attack against the integrity of the NBA - but under the current rules, can you really blame teams who are not going to make the playoffs, to attempt to drastically improve their team?

Mike Greenberg from ESPN, on the Mike and Mike syndicated radio show, came up with a new system that will restore the integrity of the game by improving bad teams, but also creating an incentive to win.

Greeny's proposal is for the team with the MOST wins that does not make the playoffs gets the first pick (no ping-pong balls). The team with the second best record that does not qualify for the playoffs gets the second pick, and on-down to the team with the worst regular season record getting the 14th pick. Under this system, the Celtics would get the 13th pick of the draft, but surely would have fought a little harder for wins during the course of the season to improve their chances of getting an impact player.

Vote yes on the "Greeny" proposal. I think it is the best possible way to improve bad teams through the draft (they still have the ability to improve via free agency), but also repair the integrity of the game as no team should have incentives to ever lose.

Consider Me Irked

While I'm home packing for my upcoming week of pleasure in Vegas, I've obviously had more time to channel surf than usual. Truth be told, my time home today has been quite uneventful - as I've continuously flipped between ESPN, CNN, MTV, HBO, TBS (Steve Harvey Show is supremely underrated), and back to ESPN (over-and-over-and-over).

Anyways, how the hell is John Clayton an NFL analyst?? Not only does he define the term, "having a face for radio"...but, there's no way he's ever put a pad on (at any level). Secondly, my research tells me that his real name is Johan Clayton. Whaaaaat?? Name one other Caucasian American with the name Johan. You can't.

For years, I have wondered how "The Professor" slipped through the cracks...and landed himself a primetime gig at ESPN. I always figured that he must have dominated his internships, all while cruising through the Ivy League school of his choice. But no...he attended Duquesne University! Don't get me wrong...this is no knock on Duquesne, for it may very well be a reputable institution. However, my main point is that the ONLY way a mug like Clayton's should ever see the light of day is if he somehow earned enough money to one day purchase his own television channel. Johan Clayton is a walking corpse for crying out loud!

Carry on...

Snoop Hits Back

"It's a completely different scenario. We rappers are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We're talking about hoes that's in the 'hood that ain't doing sh*t, that's trying to get a nigga for his money. These are two separate things. First of all, we ain't no old-ass white men that sit up on MSNBC going hard on black girls. We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them muthaf*ckas say we are in the same league as him. Kick him off the air forever."

- Snoop, on the Don Imus situation

Nappy Headed Ho's?

In case you haven't heard yet, radio host Don Imus is in hot water because he referred to the Rutger's women's basketball team as "Nappy Headed Ho's" during one of his radio shows last week (that is syndicated to millions of people nationwide). To try and smooth things over this week, Imus decided to make an appearence on Al Sharpton's radio show and he had this to say..."Here's what I've learned: that you can't make fun of everybody, because some people don't deserve it," he said. "And, because the climate on this program has been what it's been for 30 years doesn't mean it's going to be what it's been for the next five years or whatever."

.....ummmmmm ok. GET THIS GUY OFF THE AIR! Is it me or does he look like he belongs in the movie "Mar's Attacks"? Not only has he been an ignorant mouthpiece of the Republican party for 30+ years, its painfully obvious that he's crazier than a sh*thouse rat.

Pimps up, ho's down...

NEED TO GET MOTIVATED? WANT TO BE FIRED UP?

Watch this clip and you will be gritting your teeth like 'Simply Suds', spearing your recliner and ready for anything the world has to offer. One of the best speeches in movie history (top 10).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz5H62O-72g

Me Sooooooo Horny

I don't want anyone on this site to even mention the beating that the Red Sox put on the orphans that are the Kansas City Royals.....I mean.....was there any doubt?

Let's focus our attention to the only thing that caught my attention in last nights game....Miss Tina Cervasio. Maybe it was the Bacardi talkin'......but for some reason....I couldn't help but think that Tina's mouth on my 3 incher would feel like a hot face cloth run under the faucet for about 45 minutes. I never think of her in this way....but last night...with that lower cut top....and those jiggly jugs.....I swear to Jesus Christ himself that I thought about whipping my pants down at the bar and showing Tina what being Italian is all about.

Tina....I'm all man baby...and I can drink enough Bacardi to ruin your Easter.....so let's cut to the chase and get it done!

What is Jerry Remy's deal tonight?

Why on earth was Jerry Remy fixating on the random "hairy" Royals' fan chest/back hair (which he kept referring to as Austin Powers)?? This conversation lasted a good inning. I couldn't have been the only one which thought this was extremely awkward? What does Jerry Remy know about "manscaping" (his word)?? I mean...has he looked in the mirror lately - he has a Ron Jeremy 'stache?

Has Remy been shaving the chest of his 'roid monkey of a son this past offseason?? I can't come up with any further explanation...