Friday, April 20, 2007

11 Hours Until I Scream Like a High School Girl


This is a monumental day for me. Granted, I've been to about 25 Dave Matthews Band concerts, ingested an unbelievable amount of drugs at a few shows, and probably drank about 671 beers and 100% blacked out at about 6 or 7 shows....but, that all changes tonight. I'm staying completely sober, as I sit with goo-goo eyes, 15 rows from Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds acoustic at the Wang Theater. Did you just friggin' hear me? Maybe if you wiped the 6 pounds of wax out of your gross ears, you'd better understand what I just said. Acoustic. Acoustic. Acoustic in an intimate setting of a 3,000 seat theater. All I want to do is caress the face of a 19 year old female college student and listen to unreal jams. I don't really give a damn if you people don't like Dave Matthews....and honestly, I could care less about any of you. Today is all about me. I'm having a selfish day. You're not ok with that? I hope you get the stomach flu and crap and puke at the same time....because you're a miserable human.

It's me and you tonight, Dave.....I'm starting to think that I will be enjoying some of God's fine green that was put on this earth to listen to acoustic concerts. I just want to apologize for the amount of times I scream the names of various songs to you, as you tune your guitar. And would it kill some young attractive female to just walk up to me and tounge the hell out of me tonight? Once you go Simply Suds you never go back. Oh wait, it's...Once you go Simply Suds, you'll never come back....because your bed is soaked and you probably kicked me out. Yah, that's the one.

Mr. Matthews and Mr. Reynolds, toca la guitarra. God I wish I still did drugs.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

that might be the gayest blog i have ever read..........ur not drinking at a concert? and your gonna make fun of chuck diesel for being a hippy but ur gonna not drink and just smoke weed at a concert? thats ridiculous....besides the fact that dave matthews music is fuckin terrible, i cant even dream of being completely sober at a shitty concert.....tell boyd to shove his violin up his ass....bunch of goddam dinks in that band....homos

Anonymous said...

and another thing......im having a selfish day? are you as gay as dave matthews himself? maybe you guys can meet up after the show and run around backstage in your panties too. who knows? if it gets real outta hand you guys could end playing catchphrase over iovanna's with your hands on each others cocks.........what an awful awful awful blog after such a masterpiece on alex cora....im truly offended by this shit, and i bet alex is too

Simply Suds said...

Anyone that knows me, surely knows that when I say "I'm not drinking" it means that I'm going to casually drink about 10 beers. You think I give a damn if you don't like Dave Matthews? I hope you have a stroke in your cubicle. And let's try and leave out the names here. First rule of the blog club, don't talk about the blog club. You mutt.