Saturday, May 19, 2007

Big Time Musician....or Stud Athlete?





Which would you rather be? At first thought, I absolutely wanted to be the stud athlete...the Jeter, Jordan, or Brady....but let me tell you, being a big time musician (Dave Matthews, Timberlake, Bono, Jay-Z) is nothing to take lightly. I think we can all agree that both groups get an insane amount of women....more than anyone could dream of. They have dimes throwing themselves at them in a different city or country every friggin' day. That sounds like a taste of heaven to me. I blame my parents for not giving me the genes to become a 6'2" 245 lbs. middle linebacker in the NFL, or the gift to use my fat fingers to toca la guitarra. Here's for making a case to be either a stud musician or a stud athlete.....it's a lot tougher of a decision than you think, even if you are a sports fanatic like this kid.

Athlete: You're probably in bomb shape, so the women have no problem bodying the hell out of you. You're the man in your home city, the absolute man. If you're a Yankee, you own NY....if you're a Red Sox, you can't even go out in Boston without a police escort. Guys wanna be you, chicks wanna be on you. You're on TV for 6 months a year, sometimes every day, sometimes once a week...but at that time, the entire region focuses it's attention on you. You can look into the stands and take home any single chick you want to...pretty much. When you go out, people will talk amongst themselves that you're even in the building. Talk about having your pick of the litter. Spend a couple of hours perusing the place, and find a 10 to take home. You're a god damn stud. Don't even get me started about away games....that's when the orgies take place. The downside is that you have certain standards and rules to uphold with your respective league. You can't test positive for extra curricular activities, and you have to stay in somewhat reasonable shape.

Musician: People bob their head to your $hit. You're in millions of CD players, IPOD's, on TV all the time, and you get to attend every single awards show known to man. You pretty much party 24/7, as your life is one big concert. Clubs, bars, house parties....you're meeting women every night, ingesting whatever substances you want to ingest, and living your life care free from rules and regulations. Chicks get moist when they listen to your music, so when they have a chance to actually meet you, they pretty much want to ride the hell out of you, and call it a day. And let's get to the meat and potatoes of being a musician.....the concert tour. Every night there are thousands of women that make a push for your after party backstage....and guess what, you let in whoever the hell you want. It's probably your boy that lets in the most insane lookin' chicks you've ever seen....and their ultimate goal is to sleep with you, so that they can tell their friends. And unlike athletes....occasionally your tour goes worldwide....and what happens in Europe stays in Europe. You're pampered wherever you go, and you can have an orgy arranged before your show if you want.....everyone caters to your needs. Be greedy. There's a chance you don't have a spec of athletic ability, and your body could go do hell....and hopefully you don't become a one hit wonder, because you don't have a contract like an athlete. If you get hurt, or fall off the map with terrible tunes....everyone will forget about you forever. You'll just be another average Joe, probably bankrupt because you spent all your money on blow, women, cars, and 5 houses.

Suds loves sports...but a good case can be made for both. The musicians make a strong case for themselves....and I know this is a "sports" blog. Yeah right. We love chicks. They make the world go round. Who would you rather be?

2 comments:

Chieftain said...

Athlete, going away. The pleasure that comes with team success must come into play.

Simply Suds said...

If by team success, you mean group orgies.