Bring on the Bubonic Plague

So, I just got home from a long day of sweating my bizzalls off landscaping, and I plop my useless body down at the computer to search for today's best news stories to write about. Mind you, I'm skipping over the two articles that read "Man Puts Toddler in Microwave" and "Three Infants Found in Day Care Closet" because I just can't help but think that people are actually trying to rid the earth of toddlers. But on MSNBC.COM I find an article that baffles me, "Beyond blisters: Herpes has an upside." Ummmm, speak into my good friggin' ear....did you just write about herpes having an upside? I $hit you not, so I am actually going to post the article:

The herpes family of viruses can have a surprising upside — it can protect against the bubonic plague and other bacterial contagions, at least in mice. Research into whether a similar mechanism applies to humans and other mammalian hosts should be conducted, said viral immunologist Skip Virgin at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis. "There may be symbiotic advantages to chronic infections with these viruses." These new results do not mean people should go out and get infected with herpes, Virgin stressed. They probably already are. Nearly all humans become infected with multiple herpes virus family members during childhood. These germs not only include the herpes simplex viruses, which lead to cold sores and possibly genital herpes, but also the diseases responsible for chickenpox and "mono," as well as several less well-known ailments. Herpes infections have bedeviled animals for more than 100 million years.

It should be noted that there was no author associated with this article. I find the fact that someone would actually write that herpes could possibly help fight against viruses and the "bubonic plague" absolutely fu*king nuts. Screw it, maybe I should just go raw dog every friggin' hooker on the east coast and pick up gonorrhea and syphilis while I'm at it. Hell, maybe I'll go to South Africa and bang as many girls as I can until I get AIDS, because maybe AIDS helps fight off allergies in lab orangutans. Get my point here. I don't care if getting herpes would guarantee that I would live until I am 100....how about the fact that I don't want sores on my d*ck every so often. I actually value getting laid....when it happens....and I don't want anything messing that up. For some reason, I just can't picture some broad wanting to suck me off when my penis looks like someone scrubbed it with a Brillo pad.

Everyone reading this is probably on Valtrex anyways, so you can all go to hell. I'll take on the Bubonic Plague and toddlers without herpes, thank you very much.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18705326/