It's Just Massage Oil......I Swear!

OK, so Tom Porros could be the creepiest guy on the planet. He was indicted on one count of public sexual indecency and one count of assault last Friday. The story goes like this. Porros apparently had gained some notoriety from being a former arena league football pickle, and had been involved with coaching women's track at Saguaro High School in Arizona since 2003. Last week, he invited one of his female long-jumpers over to his house to watch videos of other long-jumpers, talk about technique, and he also offered to give her an "athletic massage" (how many of us have used the latter technique). According to the girl, going over to Porros' home was something that many of her teammates did and claimed it was helpful in their 'development'.

When she arrived, there was soft music playing in his attic. Porros immediately asked her to get into her two-piece and sit on a medicine ball. After briefly rubbing her shoulders, he asked her to flip on her stomach as he began to massage the area right under her butt cheeks.

Porros proceded to kiss her neck, back, and bum. Porros then said that "if she had any questions about sex, he would answer them"! According to the report, the aforementioned girl became alarmed when he ejaculated on her, but Porros claimed that it was just 'massage oil'......(MASSAGE OIL!......good save, buddy) so, that apparently put her mind at ease. As she was leaving his house, her coach had one last piece of advice for her. If she saw his son outside, she should tell him they were just "watching sports videos".

Ok, ok...I have so many thoughts about this I don't know where to start. One, did this guy really beat off on this chick and claim it to be massage oil? And if so, how did he manage to balance himself....think about it? Two, how could this chick not completely freak out? It's been my experience that girls H-A-T-E it when you randomly beat off on them. And, typically, they can tell the difference between a little giz and massage oil. Three, this guy is a straight up perv.

In closing, I'd like to reiterate a point I've held near and dear to my heart for a long time. If you're an older dude and coach girl's sports, you're automatically a creep unless you prove otherwise.

Mahalo.