Fights I'd Like to See in an Illegal Fighting Ring

Can we please get over Mike Vick and this ridiculous dog fighting ring. It must be a slow news day, because this story is lamer than Bo Jackson's knee. Do you really care about this? The Falcons stink, the NFC stinks, and I'm almost positive most people reading this blog are Pats fans and would agree that they are the runaway favorites to win the Superbowl.....no? Besides, I know most of you perverts do things that are waaaaaaaay creepier than a dog fighting ring (myself included). That said, here are some head-to-head bouts I'd pay money to see in an illegal fighting ring, so Mike Vick, if you're listening and can make this happen let me know......

1. Chieftain vs. Richard Simmons in a straight up sweatin' to the oldies dance off. First one to drop loses.

2. A-Rod vs. Rosie O'Donnell in an open-fisted slap fight. First one to run away with their arms flailing loses (bet the house on Rosie).

3. Two teams of two midgets apiece in a steal cage match. Every weapon possible in the ring. First team to hog-tie and string up one of their opponents wins.

4. Kevin Youkilis vs. Julian Tavarez in a staring contest. The first one to cringe because of the others' hideousness loses (to ease the shock factor of this for the fans, I propose two smokin' hot chicks make out in the ring between rounds).

5. The Notre Dame Fighting Irish leprechaun vs. the Purdue Boilermaker in a bare knuckles fight.

Holla.