Newsflash: Young Republican Takes It In The Jaw

Greetings and salutations my fellow Win Column enthusiasts! I have returned completely rested and 100% relaxed from my visit to Humboldt County, CA and definitely recommend that every one of you out there to spend a few days in Northern California (by the way thanks for the concern Suds, but I got home safely). It's a great place to sneak away to and log in some 'me' time. Anyways, before I go on, I'd like to give a happy, hearty Win Column shout-out to the Humboldt Highway Patrol, and personally thank them for restoring my faith in the fact that law enforcement can be done the right way. Keep up the good work, boys!

Moving right along, part of my job here at The Win Column is to try and provide a unique perspective on stories that might not be addressed in the normal day-to-day. That said, this story just came across my desk and I felt obligated to get back into the swing of things with a bang! And for all you Republicans out there (namely Suds, RT and Lytedogg), I'm sorry to always be the bearer of bad news....but I guess $hit happens....

Glenn Murphy, Jr., the recently elected Chairman of the Young Republican National Federation (also the RNC Chair for Clark County, Indiana and formerly the YRNF Secretary) has been accused of sexually assaulting a sleeping man! Thats right, folks, take a second and read that last line again. The story goes a little something like this. One night Murphy and one of his YR (Young Republican) pickle friends were out beating homeless people, stealing from blind bums and whatever else the YR do. After painting the town red, they decided to go pass out at Murphy's sister's house. The next morning, the other YR woke up to Murphy working his hog....

...and I DON'T mean cookin' bacon. Obviously, not being gay, the other YR was not cool with this and I can't say I blame him. I mean, what would you do? Read the full police report here... http://www.takingdownwords.com/taking_down_words/files/glennmurphy.pdf. If you want a good laugh, it comes highly advised. Oh, by the way, this isn't the first time ole' Glenn got caught trying to stick people's privates where they don't want them to go. He has a prior arrest for sexual battery in 1998. Bango!

This, in the wake of the sex scandal my boy, Larry Flynt, is currently spearheading doesn't make things look good for the GOP. On a side note, when I first looked at the above picture, I thought he had a d*ck in his mouth.....no joke!

Orlando

A-Rod's Birth Is The Least Important Thing Ever to Happen On July 27th's Throughout History

In an attempt to NOT have Chieftain's homo-erotic post about A-Rod be on the top of the blog, I wanted to share some research I've done today. I think after you review the facts, you'll agree with me that when its all said and done, I'm sure July 27th will NOT be remembered as being A-Rod's birthday. After all he's not even the best ball player that was born on this date, Shea Hillenbrand is (just kidding Chieftain, save your conniption fit for the softball field). I think the facts show that July 27th's throughout the past 250 years have been a meaningful date in the field of communication. Without further ado...

July 27th marks the best of times and the worst of time for good ole' Richard Nixon. On this day back in 1960, he won his party's nomination to run against JFK. As we all know, Nixon lost a narrow race. Many historians point to the invention of the television (arguably the most important invention of communication ever) as the primary reason for Nixon's demise. In those three historic television debates, JFK came across as young, vibrant and articulate as opposed to Nixon who looked like a wet bag of trash that had been ravaged by raccoons through the night. However, on the same date 14 years later, the House Judiciary Committee voted 27-11 to recommend Nixon's impeachment on a charge that he had personally engaged in a "course of conduct" designed to obstruct justice in the Watergate case.

Further, on this day back in 1789, the United States initiated the Dept. of Foreign Affairs which was a pre-cursor for the Department of State. The State Dept. acts primarily as the instrument of communication throughout the world on America's behalf. In essence, its goal is to advance U.S. objectives and interests in the world through its primary role in developing and implementing the President's foreign policy.

After two failures, Cyrus W. Field succeeded in laying the first underwater telegraph cable between North America and Europe back on this day in 1866.

Jesus H, the hits just keep on coming! On July 27th 1940, "A Wild Hare" was released introducing the character of Bugs Bunny. Because of Bugs' popularity among the masses, combined with the HUGE boom of people going to the movies, the government used Bugs Bunny cartoons as a communication tool to the masses, often having Bugs get the better of Adolf Hitler, Hermann Goering, and the Japanese to help ease the tension among the general public as WWII waged on.

On a lighter note, this date marks the abrupt and tragic death of Reggie Lewis whom, at the age of 27, died on the court at Brandeis University during practice. Oh yeah, Bob Hope died today too, but he was 100 and had it coming.

So in closing, I'm sorry for the long-winded post, but I think you'll agree with me that A-Rod's birthday doesn't even make the highlight reel in the history of July 27th's. I hope you twist your ankle tonight A-Rod, and go on the DL.

Orlando

Connecticut is Useless

According to the Associated Press...

"Dozens of people lined up at City Hall on Tuesday for municipal identification cards, the first city-issued ID cards specifically designed to bring illegal immigrants out of the shadows and give them access to community services."

Whaaaaaaaaat?? I'm confused - why is the town of New Haven promoting illegal acts? Hence, the term "illegal immigrants". What about the people that have been waiting to be granted access to America legally?

Congratulations, New Haven!! As an estimated 10,000 - 12,000 of New Haven's 125,000 residents are believed to be in the country illegally already, such a move is assured to make New Haven the arm pit of the northeast. That sound? The residents of Springfield, MA rejoice!

New Haven...here's a better idea -- DEPORT THEM! Who cares if there are less maids to go around?? If such stupidity begins to spread across the country, I'm going to fly off the deep end. This is the one topic which I would be forced to protest.

Let me think about this...because of illegal immigrants:

• America loses money on taxes.
• America's schools waste funds on said immigrants.
• Middle and lower class Americans lose jobs to said immigrants.
• Hospitals lose money.
• Nation is forever in bilingual debate.
• Threat of terrorism increases.
• Increased crime.
• Limitless fraud potential.

Not to get political again, but ONLY immigrants and ride-or-die Republicans stand to gain from such lunacy!

**Lastly - on a serious note, I was just informed by an anonymous source that Tedy Bruschi died just a short time ago???? Can anyone confirm and/or refute this? Obviously, we all hope that this is exactly that...an inaccurate rumor.

***UPDATE: As of 5:25 this evening, I have no further details. For that reason alone, I'm assuming the aforementioned rumor is just that...a false rumor. We can all breathe a little easier. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

I'd Make a Better Presidential Candidate than John Edwards

Not to get all political (I'll be honest, it's not my specialty), but I watched nearly every second of last night's 2+ hour Democratic debate...and feel compelled to interject (Puffy's new favorite word on Making the Band) a few quick objective points (as I'm neither a registered Democrat nor Republican).

• John Edwards is an idiot. His entire MO is that he truly believes that he is privy to specifics. One problem...his "specifics" are entirely off kilter. Essentially, he provided America with a generic corporate response to every question...with bold twists at the end, comments that he hadn't even convinced himself of. John Edwards is tough to watch - everything about him is awkward.


• Hillary Clinton owned last night's debate, from start to finish. If body language could speak a thousand words, it's clear that every Democratic nominee already knows this. Her tone and presence dominated the stage...this is how pathetic her Democratic competition is. She is feared by her Democratic opponents. She was given lay-up after lay-up...primarily because of the sheer incompetence her current competition possesses. Joe Biden was her only competition last night, as he demonstrated a wealth of knowledge surrounding all military matters.


• Barack Obama doesn't answer questions. He dances around everything. To the uneducated, this may work - as he tends to throw in a few big words here-and-there. And, did anyone hear his response when asked what he would do in the event of simultaneous attacks?? He wilted! He might as well have gone in "timeout" and cried. FAR TOO INEXPERIENCED.

Why isn't the Republican debate not until mid-September???

If You're Having Girl Problems, I Feel Bad For You Son...

...And, evidently Sen. David Vitter (R - Louisiana) has 99 problems and a girl IS one. As a follow-up to a previous post highlighting the campaign by friend of The Win Column and editor and chief of Hustler Magazine, Larry Flynt, to expose the slime that runs our nations capital, apparently he tossed out his bait and is currently reeling in some 20 lb. large mouth bass.

To give a little background, Deborah Jeanne Palfrey was indicted in March on charges of money laundering and racketeering stemming from her business, Pamela Martin & Associates, which prosecutors allege was involved in prostitution. In an effort to raise some loot for her legal fees, Palfrey tried to sell her list of phone numbers to the media but the judge overlooking the case put a quick nix on the idea. However, by the grace of God, Palfrey was able to release most of the information to media outlets (without any money directly changing hands) and the media outlets then published the lists online and encouraged investigative reporters to sort through the lists and extract names of high profile politicians. One bright, young, aspring investigative reporter (obviously heading places) did just that and uncovered Vitter's number and quickly turned it over to Flynt. Flynt, in turn, broadcasted the news to the entire free world in an attempt to bend Vitter over and f*ck him in the bum, which evidently worked out pretty well because Vitter's political career has about as much hope as a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

Vitter had this to say about the incident: "This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible. Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and from my wife in confession and marriage counseling."

Well, pin a rose on your nose, Senator Vitter. I wonder what God said when you asked him if you should nail that 17-year-old Asian a few years back?

The reprecussions of this event are rippling through the political world as we speak because Vitter is the Southern regional chairman for former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's Presidential campaign. Giuliani is currently campaigning throughout New Hampshire and has already been peppered with questions about this and it's rumored he will ask Vitter to step down, seeing as how Guiliani's campaign is already floundering and he needs this negative exposure like he needs another a$$hole.

Once again Mr. Flynt, thank you very much for personifying the American Dream and giving rich, overly powerful crapsh*ts a run for their money...keep up the good work. And I'll keep you posted as this story unfolds...

Orlando

Larry Flynt is the Balls

Not only is Flynt the man because he owns and operates a nudie mag that comes out each month, but due to his ridiculous wealth he has the opportunity to do something that none of us can do in our day-to-day. Stick it to the man. And I mean really stick it to the man. The above ad cost Flynt $85,000 to run in last Sunday's Washington Post, offering a million bucks to anyone that can provide any substantial information proving that some high-ranking, sh*tbag government official diddled them.

Flynt, an enemy of the Republican party every since some looney shot him and left him paralyzed from the waist down in the 1970's, has pulled off a similar feat in the past. In 1998, when the majority of republicans were calling for Clinton's impeachment, Flynt ran a similar ad that eventually exposed Robert Livingston - a congressman from Louisiana who was tipped to succeed Newt Gingrich as Speaker of the House and had demanded that President Clinton resign because of his conduct with Ms. Lewinsky. The exposure ultimately forced Livingston to an early retirement.

God, I love this country! Due to the unparalleled personal rights we have in the good ole US of A, if you have enough money you can expose as many perverts as you want....even if you are, consequently, a perv yourself. Like it or not, Flynt personifies the American dream. So God bless you, Larry...I'll support your cause when I pick up the latest edition of Hustler. And keep raising hell with Dems and/or Republicans alike because, after all, a pompous, rich, smug prick is still an asshole regardless of his political party.

Orlando

The Mind Explosion

I have just finished reading the excerpt of Al Gore's new book The Assault on Reason, and I believe it is a must read. Many of us have very different views on politics, culture, and life in general, but you are reading this blog so you clearly have nothing else to do. Give it a shot and prepare yourself for The Mind Explosion.

For the sake of making this post run to long, below you can read an excerpt of the excerpt and then follow the link to the original Time Magazine post.

The Assault on Reason by Al Gore

Not long before our nation launched the invasion of Iraq, our longest-serving Senator, Robert Byrd of West Virginia, stood on the Senate floor and said: "This chamber is, for the most part, silent—ominously, dreadfully silent. There is no debate, no discussion, no attempt to lay out for the nation the pros and cons of this particular war. There is nothing. We stand passively mute in the United States Senate."

Why was the Senate silent?

In describing the empty chamber the way he did, Byrd invited a specific version of the same general question millions of us have been asking: "Why do reason, logic and truth seem to play a sharply diminished role in the way America now makes important decisions?" The persistent and sustained reliance on falsehoods as the basis of policy, even in the face of massive and well-understood evidence to the contrary, seems to many Americans to have reached levels that were previously unimaginable.

Click here for more of the excerpt

Paris...Is That You??

According to Dollymix, Tania Derveaux, the leading NEE party senate candidate in Belgium is offering to give away blow jobs -- 40,000 of them, to be exact. Apparently, this all started as a joke...when in response to an opposing party's claims of offering "new job opportunities in ridiculous amounts," Tania posed naked in a parody campaign, promising voters 40,000 "jobs". Due to "popular demand", Tania is going to make a "political protest" by sucking it up, taking a 500-day tour around the world, and giving 40,000 blow jobs (or, 80 a day)!!!

Stay tuned, as the next Belgian election is June 10th!

"Genocide Olympics"

Rick Reilly's column in this week's Sports Illustrated foreshadows what will become the biggest story in sports in 2008, when Beijing hosts the Summer Olympics. Reilly writes:

"According to the Council on Foreign Relations, China buys about two thirds of Sudan's oil. The Sudanese government then uses the majority of its oil profits to buy weapons and aircraft, most of them made by China. The arms are turned over to a proxy militia, the Janjaweed, which burns, dismembers, rapes and kills Darfur's villagers and destroys their land. China maintains that it doesn't interfere with the internal politics of other nations, and using that policy it has blocked U.N. efforts to send a peacekeeping force into Darfur by insisting that Sudan first invite the troops in."

...Not to get political, but these games represent a "coming out" opportunity for China -- a chance to show itself anew to a world whose memories of the 1989 Tiananmen Square massacre have largely faded. Despite continuing gross human rights abuses throughout China, and the brutal repression of Tibet, Beijing must take advantage of this event. Will they??

So I Kissed a Girl......So What??

Apparently, Richard Gere has got himself in some hot water because the entire country of India is burning effigies of him and calling for his head, and he didn’t even kill a cow! The sentiments stem from an incident that occurred recently in India when Gere was in town participating in a rally to help raise money for people with AIDS and orphans in the country. Towards the end of his speech, Gere reached over and grabbed Shilpa Shetty (pictured above) and gave her a little kiss on the cheek. Can you blame this guy? The chick is an absolute smoke show.

Apparently, the Indian government is on the lookout and next time Gere comes to India they are going to try and nab him and throw him in the slammer for 3 months. Normally, I wouldn’t give two $hits about Richard Gere, but this story is just completely ridiculous. Just goes to show you, whenever you try to help eliminate AIDS globally, it's inevitable that you’ll have some third-world country all over your ass.