Tuesday, April 24, 2007

American Idol or American Sumo Wrestler?

Holy crap, I don't know where to even begin. I think I could write about this fat tub of lard for 4 days, all without feeling any sort of sensation in my pants (like a normal Friday night). What the hell happened to Kelly Clarkson? She used to be kind of decent looking....I mean, I never cranked off to her or anything...but I always figured I'd probably bang her if I was looking to club a baby seal over the head at last call to bring home. These pictures make me want to puke....literally. What the hell is going on with with this girl on vacation? Usually if you're going to go somewhere warm, where bikini's come into play...maybe she would think to lay off the Twinkies, Devil Dogs, and bacon grease fat. She should have just drank water for a month. That's hideous. I haven't seen a torso that brutal since my college graduation day in 2003, when I awoke out of a blacked out coma and looked in the mirror at the disgusting human I had become due to drinking 200 Bud Lights a week, and about 40 dollars worth of Wendy's on all those packy runs.

Now, the second picture just frightens me. I don't even think the hot dog eating champion Kobayashi could stuff a Fenway Frank down his throat like this pig is doing. Is she getting timed to see how fat she can get in 30 seconds? That thing is loaded with condiments and extras. She probably had them sprinkle chocolate jimmies on the goddamn thing so that she could get a little extra boost from the sugar. Normally I'd make a joke about how she'd probably eat a guys hog like it was the last supper....but the thought of letting this swine anywhere near my pecker makes me uncomfortable....damn, you don't hear that often.

Kelly....you're disgusting. If America could vote again, they'd tell you to pick up an eating disorder and get back to health. It's time you go to fat camp with Ruben Studdard and both of you whales realize that it's better to have everything in moderation.

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