Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Hot Weather = Hot Broads = Good Times

Today's weather reminded me what it felt like to be 16 again. I drove around with my windows down (soon to be top down when I rejoin the jeep club), I had my music absolutely blaring....and everywhere I looked...there were scantily clad women just begging to be pounded by the sea with the sounds of crashing waves.

Ahhhh yes.....summer is here again. I don't know where any of you mutts grew up....but I was born and raised, and now live again, on a beach town. So when the weather is right, I am out on the beach....shirt off.....this Italian body covered in so much Hawaiian Tropic oil, that you'd think I was trying to set the world record for skin cancer in a day. I live for summer. To me, there is nothing in the world more relaxing than my feet on the sand, cold bud light can in hand (with coozy) and a cold metal horse shoe in my hand. I mean horse shoes might as well be an Olympic sport, because I'm gonna toss ring around your posies all friggin day long. And you'll know it too.

Ok, I got a little off track...but seriously...a cooler full of cold beer....hot sun....buddies everywhere....it's like a taste of heaven. Guys can piss their bathing suits right on the beach, and nobody even gives a damn. Girls obviously make that sketchy walk to the ocean, where they proceed to pissy mcgillacuddy like weirdos....but I'd rather let the whole world know that I came here to pahhhh-tay.

So what does this blog mean? I have no friggin' idea. I sat outside in the sun all day....shirt off, in a pair of Stonehill College mesh shorts that fit as tight as a thong. I've set the base for my Italian God base tan, and you can all go to hell. I hope to see all of you losers on the beach with sun blisters, and I hope you all have a terrible time. Because I know I'll be 20 cold bud lights deep.....tossing a stupid amount of ringers, and talking to the most beautiful babies that life has to offer. Life is good.....welcome home summer.

Hold on, wait a goddamn minute. I was going to end this blog without talking about chicks? What am I putting from the rough? Summer means hot chicks wearing 67% less clothing than usual, which usually means I have a small bulge in my pants from sun up, to sun down. Man, I love the sight of a good looking girl in a bikini. It's like I can absolutely picture what she would look like if I were a sketch ball and went and undid the two strings that hold her unmentionables from the world's eyes. Even though she wants me to. She does....she really does. As long as you are 18 years of age and decently attractive....I promise you that I will give you all the time of day on the beach. Work that ass....and I'll look. But guess what....you'll never know what I'm thinking behind these huge sunglasses....cuz that would land me in the state prison for a minimum sentence of 10 years. I wanna rock!!!!!!!!!!! Rock.............I want to rock............rock!

Smear feces on your faces....summer is here! You bunch of hammer hawks.

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