The Win Column's Pickle of the Day - Johnny Depp

Apparently, making out with girls I'd cut my left index finger off for was "awkward" for Captain Jack Sparrow during his Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest filming. In an interview with New Magazine, Depp reveals why he should just completely have a sex change operation immediately:

"The smooches are always so awkward, especially because Keira and I have never been in that kind of situation together. She's, like, three and I'm a thousand! We've known each other for a few years and suddenly it was, 'Are you ready for this?' And you just do it. It becomes more like a stunt in a way. She was a great sport about it."

This is some of the most ridiculous $hit I've ever heard. You are a 43-year-old man kissing a 22-year-old smoke show....and you have a problem doing so? Huh? Someone punch me in the friggin' face. Kiera Knightley is insannnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Too hot to handle, too cold to fold. Come to find out that Depp didn't even want the kissing scene in the movie, but rather it was Knightley who begged the director to get her a scene where she could tongue the hell out of her crush. Wow, Johnny Depp is one huge pickle. He could have gotten her to do unthinkable things in his trailer, nevermind just settling for a little tonsil hockey. He was probably too busy trimming his beard, or trying to sharpen the blades on his Edward Scissor Hands. I hope I speak for all the fellas reading this when I say...hey Johnny....you're a goddamn pickle. Go kiss a dude for Christ's sake. Way to pu$$y out of getting real weird with an absolute 10. You jerk.