I Used to Love Them Red Heads

Because my mind works in obviously demented ways, I sit here at 12:30 AM about to watch the Sopranos and Entourage because at that time on Sunday, I was blacked out of my tits at some bar not even realizing all the horrendous, creepy stuff that came out of my mouth to a girl that I actually thought I might have a chance with.

For some reason, Lindsay Lohan popped into my mind. Maybe it's the 4th Diet Pepsi I drank, or maybe I'm having an acid flash back from High School....I just don't know. Then, I got really angry. It's ok to make fun of me on this one, I'll take the heat...but, Lindsay Lohan was a stupid piece of a$$ when she did the Herbie movie and the Mean Girls movie about chicks that like to get stuffed and spend daddy's money. Why did I see these two movies at some point in my life???? None of your damn business. Maybe I had a girlfriend that liked to watch retarded movies that made me want to stick the pen I was using to write down all my losing bets in my eye socket, or maybe I was horny and didn't have anything better to watch at 12:30 AM on a Tuesday night.

None of that matters. What happened to this broad? In 2002, she was dope....especially with red hair, which means you know she'll completely dominate any of you two pump chumps in the sack. Now, I see better looking girls pumping gas, and doing gas. What a waste of a red head with ginormous cans. If you don't think she was hot 5 years ago, you're gay. Seriously, like the kind that takes it in the can.

Lindsay.....put away the blow and start eating again. I'm sure your downstairs area is probably shaped sideways at this point....but, if you could at least look hot again....guys will still fantasize about you after 16 beers when their noodle goes soft. You who-ah.