Wednesday, July 18, 2007

What I Really Want For Christmas Is..... alcohol monitoring anklet like Lindsay Lohan has to wear on a daily basis. I can't even imagine how fun it would be to sit around with a bunch of buddies watching college football on a Saturday, all while seeing who can get the most f*cked up while we watch our anklets skyrocket into the lethal blood alcohol levels. Post-blackout, I always wonder what my numbers would have been....and now I have a way to achieve these goals. Lytedogg could possibly give me a run for my money....he's not afraid to suck down 22-28 cold Busch Lights in a dorm room. I've seen it first hand. Orlando would probably come in last, because he'd only manage to drink one of his wheat pale ale stout amber brews, all while we annihilate 30 racks. Nightmare would probably pass out in a cab before we could read his alcohol meter. Oh, and the creepy pr*ck that is known as the Commodore...he'd probably be the most upset, due to the fact that the anklet would weigh down his crucial slow dancing first-step leg.

As for Chieftain....he probably wouldn't drink. He'd still be pouting in his room and doing curls after a Yankees loss.

Either way, hopefully the price of these anklets will come way down so we can all enjoy a day of football, booze, buffy chicken pizzas.....all to see who can get the most f*cked up. Oh, and yes...I will put in a couple of whacker bets....all capped off with me praying to God that Hawaii covers 21 at midnight, or I'm in a world of trouble.

(Photos courtesy of


Chieftain said...

Hate to state the obvious, but it's now the second half of the baseball season. Thus, the YANKEES DON'T LOSE. Playoffs are guaranteed.

You should know this by now.

Norman P. Orlando said...

I take particular offense to that b/c its widely known that I would put on a clinic against anyone when it comes to drinking beers.

Anonymous said...

orlando, you're a closet light-weight... you consistently get too hammered to hang out, leave whatever venue you're in early, and then claim the next day that you left because it wasn't "your scene."

Simply Suds said...

Exactly my point Orlando....we all know who you are. Some of us like to stay up late and drink lots of beer, and some of us like to go to bed early in our burlap sheets and listen to the Grateful Dead. People change.