God Absolutely Hates Me

You would think that having a glass of red wine with an attractive young female at 3:30am would usually be a good thing....that is until you wake up 3 hours later.....only to find that you had completely soiled yourself and make that walk of shame home.......completely soaked.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen....you heard it here first...."Simply Suds" just cannot handle hard booze. I mean...i took enough shots last night to kill an entire orphanage. Sambuca, bacardi and diets, Jaeger....you name it...and I threw it down my fat Esophagus last night. What the hell for????? It was a god damn Thursday night....but after watching my main man Dice-K toss seven innings of stiff erection baseball......I had an appetite for destruction....and I felt like getting sauced out of my tits......I'm a grown ass 25 year old man.

The moral of the story is to use the restroom before you go to bed......otherwise....you'll wake up in one of the most awkward situations of your life. Take it from a kid that's done this well over a dozen times......you drink hard booze.......you lose.