Monday, August 20, 2007

Say It Ain't So....Maria !!!!


I happen to think that Adam Levine from Maroon 5 is a friggin' loser. I think his band sucks, and every song I ever hear from them on the radio sounds the same. Throw in the fact that he looks like he hasn't eaten since 1998, and it makes me want to strangle him through the TV. All that being said, I realize this guy gets laid more than eggs. Jessica Simpson, Natalie Portman, and most recently....tennis star Maria Sharapova. Well, Adam just couldn't keep his mouth shut. He tells about how awful Maria was in the sack in the upcoming issue of Exile Magazine, a Moscow based alternative magazine. This is painful fellas....

MOSCOW (Context) - The former lover of tennis star Maria Sharapova, Maroon 5's frontman Adam Levine, revealed yesterday why he broke off their brief romance.

"She wouldn't make any noise during sex," Levine said. "I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration.' It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."


So the girl that screams as if she's being shot when she hits a tennis ball, doesn't even make a peep in the sheets when she's getting pounded? Either Adam Levine isn't doing something right, or Maria Sharapova has to be the biggest poser of all time. Then again, she'd probably be silent with me too, so who am I to throw stones.

1 comment:

Vladimir Putin said...

Silly Americans. You think we have real journalism here? Mr. Levine dished the real dirt on our nation's pride and joy, and I sent henchmen who threatened to change the band's name to Maroon 4. Maria screams... I know. ha-EEE!