We Have a Younger Version of the Rocket

We don't need an almost 45-year-old Roger Clemens on the hill, because we have a younger, more energetic version of "The Rocket" looking to improve to 7-0 tonight. That's right you smug pricks, Josh Beckett looks to become the first Red Sox pitcher since the aforementioned Clemens, in 1991, to start the season with a 7-0 record. He's two wins away from the 8-0 Red Sox record held by Babe Ruth (1917), Dave Ferriss (1947), and Roger Moret (1973). Beckett has been friggin' nasty so far this season. He's only allowed one home run in 39 and 2/3 innings, a far cry from all the gopher balls he allowed last season. Beckett has a new swagger about himself. I'm not sure if he's getting laid more, partying less, partying more, or if he just learned to relax and let his 97 MPH fastball speak for itself. He's a completely different pitcher this season. You can see it on the mound, you can hear it in his voice during interviews. He's as relaxed as Chuck-Diesel and Nightmare after their 5th bowl pack of the day.

Tonight isn't make or break for Beckett, however, he is facing a team that absolutely owns him. The Blue Jays (and their stud Vernon Wells) hit absolute moon shots off Beckett all of last year. It was painful to watch. I had to drink the pain away, which wasn't really a problem at all for me. Beckett was 1-2 with a 6.21 ERA and 8 HR allowed in 5 starts against the Blue Jays last year. Yikes. Sounds like my Babe Ruth pitching statistics against the YAC. Only my stats were 100% way worse because they had kids on steroids, and all sorts of narcotics at the time.

Who needs Roger Clemens. He's an old, selfish prick. I'm pretty sure him and Andy Pettitte shower together and wash each other's grundle before and after games. It's cool to have buddies, but following each other around starts to get a little weird for me. It's cool if you guys are gay, but you should just come out and admit it, so the rest of us can get our comments ready for games at the Fens. 4.5 million bucks for a guy to pitch and not always travel with the team just seems ridiculous to me. Granted he's one of the greatest pitchers of all time, but not traveling with the team just seems like a slap in the face to me. Like veterans such as Posada, Jeter (I know he's single Chieftain....relax), Mussina, Pettitte, and AROD wouldn't like to spend more time with their families? F you, Clemens. You're setting a bad example for baseball players in their 40's. I can see this becoming a trend. Yeah, I'll play.....see you in June, and oh yeah, by the way.....I'm only showing up on days that I pitch.....thanks.

You should've just stayed home Roger. It's a joke. Jay-Z said it best when he said "I didn't say I retired...I said I was real tired." Simply Suds, out.