Throw Me the Damn Ball

Who said chubby kids couldn't sneak out of the backfield and catch bombs? I sure as hell knew my fat feet could run that fast, and my new slender physique made me elusive, as I went on to catch 4 touchdowns yesterday in flag football. Three in one game. Normally I would practice the "act like ya been there" technique that's been drilled into my skull since I was a smug toddler, but today, I feel like talking a whole lot of $hit. You throw the ball to this fat kid, you see results. Blood, sweat, and tears.....because that what the Plymouth Pop Warner Football Vikings believe.

All other teams in the league, take notice. When you see this body trucking down the field at an alarmingly slow rate, double cover me. I use my body fat in ways you never thought possible to gain position on the ball. And after the catch....wow. I'll do the chubby checker Gordon Bombay triple deek....and you're finished. See you in the endzone.