Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Enough is Enough... continued

I'm sure this will only fuel the rampant sepculation that Norman P. Orlando and myself are, in actuality, the same person... but I feel obligated to add to NPO's outstanding Public Transportation Manifesto.

Enough really is enough, but the tip of the iceberg was only barely touched here; and trust me, it will sink the titanic that is your daily commute. I'm even going to give the disgusting homeless f*cks who piss and sh*t all over the trains a pass, because a) that happens in almost every city and b) they often can't help themselves. It's the people who should be intelligent enough ride public transportation in a normal manner, but consistently and abjectly fail to do so, that are the real target of my hatred.

When people take the T, their IQ's plummet. They could be coming from MIT after winning a prestigious award for groundbreaking scientific work, but the second they get on the Red Line at Kendall Square their intelligence level drops to that of a dyslexic mongoloid 8 year old who just got hit in the head with a tire iron. They're a f*cking idiot.

Here's a few more to add to NPO's hit list:

1. Guy With Enormous Backpack

I'm not sure how much sh*t you feel you need to carry with you everywhere you go, but for f*cksake, can you at least take your backpack off and put it on the floor?! Some of these assholes wear packs that stick out at least 2 feet, and insist on keeping on their back. When they turn around, they knock into damn near everyone and everything around them, like a frickin' 3 Stooges skit. Are you hiking the Appalachian Trail buddy? No? Then take that f*cking pack off!

2. Broad Shouldered Back Leaner

Some people need to have their backs up against the seat, come hell or high water. If there are already 2 full size people on either side of you this is almost a physical impossibility, and yet some people still attempt it. These invasive f*cks will lean back and push until the squeeze in there. It's rude, uncomfortable, and deserves an elbow to the face. Unfortunately when they do this, your elbows are pinned to your sides. Just lean forward. Please. It's not that hard. I'm about as board as they come, and I somehow manage it. I've even had a guy lean back into me, and then tell me I was invading his space. Wha?

3. Unnecessary Reacher

Cousin to the Broad Shouldered Back Leaner, the Unnecessary Reacher has handle options readily available in front of them, but insists on reaching all the way across you to grab a different pole. I've had books knocked out of my hands by these dipsh*ts.

4. 300 Pound Fat Guy

This has little to do with etiquette or intelligence, but I'm throwing it in here anyway. If you're a disgusting fat f*ck that takes up two seats, I don't want to be around you. I can hear you weazing over the clatter of the train, and see the sweat under your man boobs. It's making me ill. Do you really need to be stuffing that donut in your face, and getting glaze-crumbs all over yourself and the seat next to you that no one will sit in cause you're so f*cking gross? I can't believe that you can't stop eating long enough to take a train. You know what, take a taxi, or better yet, lose some weight by walking.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Know some of these assholes? Try sendahole.com.