Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Indianapolis Has Nothing On Boston



Ok, OK so that line is a complete and utter lie. I’m not about to judge a book by its cover but I’ve been in Indianapolis for about six and a half hours and so far I’d rather stick my peter in a sliding mini-van door and slam it shut a few times rather than spend anymore time here. As soon as I touched the ground I saw a cloud of dust burst into the air like when you sit down on a dirty dorm couch that hasn’t been touched in awhile. Then after being at my hotel for awhile I decided to check out the local area for places to eat. I did a search online for restaurants in a 20 mile radius and literally 13 out of the 20 options were Arby’s. Honestly I couldn’t make this stuff up, Burger Kings are a delicacy out here.

After being discouraged by the obvious lack of decent eating establishments I decided to hit up the hotel restaurant. When I took a seat at the bar there were two smarmy brits to my right talking about how awesome it is to be British. And to my left there was a rather portly gentleman getting uniquely intimate with corn on the cob. About halfway through my meal the two smug pricks got up to smoke a cigarette and immediately after they left the corn guzzling monster pushes his plate away sits back and lets out a huge sigh and sticks his hand in his pants. He turns to me and says “Jesus Christ I hate those British f*ckers that think they know everything. I mean sure they might know the English language a little better but the superiority ends there”. I obviously starting laughing hysterically and he replied “Thank god you know what I’m talking about”. The best part about his entire diatribe was that the entire lower portion of his face was covered with partially eaten corn and the butter slime was actually dripping off of his chin making a mucus line from his chin to the bar. At this point I was so completely proud to be an American ( I knew you would be too Wimpy).

Anyways the moral of this story is 1.) Indianapolis is appropriately placed in the mid-west and 2.) while watching the Celts/Pacers game on the local FSN network I was pleasantly surprised by a gorgeous little minx named Stacy Paetz. During the second half she did a couple of reports from the sideline and the more I saw her I started to think about how the Celtics have Greg Dickerson doing their sideline reporting. Then I started thinking about how much of a pickle he was and got really mad. If the Celtics can make moves to become the best team in the NBA the least they can do is get some decent eye candy to do some meaningless sideline reporting….no? SO anyways Indy may suck but the Pacers have a waaaay hotter sideline reporter than the Celts. So in closing I’d like to say f*ck Greg Dickerson I hope he chokes on a gross Arby’s hot dog and we get some smokin’ hot chick.
P.S. I realize thats not the best picture but for starters Dickerson is tough to look at. Secondly this chick really is dope but that the best picture I could find

6 comments:

dick albert said...

The doppler has issued a severe weather alert for the Watertown region starting at 8:15pm Friday night...for some reason the system hangs over the Fleetcenter region from around 10pm-2am.

The doppler is predicting hurricane force winds and utter chaos. Stay tuned.....

This is Dick Albert, and I'm a perv.

Norman P. Orlando said...

Is that who I think it is? If so tape the windows, lock the doors and put the women and children to bed. Ok, maybe not the women. Should be a wild one

Crazy Wrists said...

Orlando - I'm sorry that you are stuck out there with nothing to eat, drink or do - I blame Cornish.

Money D said...

Excellent call Norman! I live out the Cletics area, and purchased the NBA League Pass and was forved to watch the Pacers broadcast of the game, full on with Quinn Buckner... I thought the same thing about the lovely Ms. Paetz! Dickerson sucks.. we need to bring credibility to the Celtics sideline reporting! I hear Lisa Guererro is available...

Chieftain said...

This is great work. Norman's best post to-date!

SlowStuff said...

Greg Dickerson is a pickle!! He takes his job way to seriously and he sweats the Celts. What a douche bag, get a life Dickerson!!