Monday, September 24, 2007

Achy Breaky Pregnancy

For those readers of TheWinColumn who are NOT rampant pedophiles (so, like 4 of you) I give you Miley Cyrus, aka. Hannah Montana. Miley is the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, perhaps the worst country singer to ever strap on a pair of cowboy boots, and is the star of the #1 show on television for teens... oh yeah, she's also 15 years old and pregnant.

Yup. Preggers at 15. Here's to being ahead of the curve, I guess.

Honestly, I can't say I'm all that surprised. With the recent behavior to come out of Disney Channel chicks, does one of them being knocked up really shock anyone? And what the f*ck is Disney doing, giving these girls water bottles spiked with Spanish Fly, E, and Rufinol?

It also wouldn't surprise me to hear the Billy Ray had done the honors himself. Sure, Billy Ray has traded in the epic mullet he sported during the Achy Breaky Era for some incredibly gay looking, layered salon cut (nice highlighted streaks by the way... pussy), but I'm sure he still has enough inbred, redneck DNA in him to bang his daughter.

Miley confirmed her pregnancy in a recent J-14 Magazine interview:

"Yes, sadly it's true. Miley herself confirmed the pregnancy rumors during a J-14 interview. 'I'm going to take good care of my baby. I've already gained 7 pounds. I was in real shock when it happened accidentally. I went a little too far. I'm sorry to all of my fans'," .

It "happened accidentally"? For reals? Some dude accidentally put his c*ck in your 15 year-old cooch with no protection, then accidentally came all over the place, then you accidentally didn't go to Planned Parenthood to get a morning-after pill. This sounds like a load of horsesh*t to me.

We can only hope that Miley takes the alimony she gets from this, goes to the orthodontist, and fixes that f*cked up grill of hers. Goddamn thing looks like the vampires from Blade II.


Anonymous said...

constarr is killing it!

eponymous said...

Top notch investigative repoting Cornstarr!

Anonymous said...

that shit happens to me 'accidentally' all the time

Anonymous said...

Wimpy Miles could have had a kid at age 14 with all the sketchy basement sex he had. It must suck to hit your peak in 9th grade.

Greenberg said...

That's not very nice anonymous.

Jaime A said...

Give it to me one more time like 10th grade Nightmare!

Kevin Federline said...

Stop hatin' homeys, this girl's got loot and Britney's running up my legal bills... I had to do it, yo.