Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Don Shula Is Egregious...Plus This Chick Is Pretty Hot

So yet another team starts off the year with a 9-0 record. You know what that means right? Time to call the nursing homes, bust out the polyester suits and interview all those has-been old geezers that were on the ’72 Dolphins. God, I’m so sick of seeing these old assholes. Die already!. I mean these guys are probably the most pathetic losers in sports. Every time a team has a good start they start hemming and hawing about the good ole days. Then again I guess they don’t have too much else to hold on to. Most of their lives have been reduced to drinking Metamucil on a porch, while simultaneously pooping and pissing themselves. So I guess I see where they are coming from.

Anyways Don Shula was approached for an interview by the New York Daily News to get his thoughts on the Patriots season and here’s what he had to say:

"The Spygate thing has diminished what they've accomplished. You would hate to have that attached to your accomplishments. They've got it."

WTF Don? He goes on to explain the significance of the fines levied on the Patriots and Bill Belichick:

"That tells you the seriousness and significance of what they found, I guess you got the same thing as putting an asterisk by Barry Bonds' home run record.”

OK Don, you’ve got to be kidding me. Are you really equating Bonds with the current phenomenon that is the New England Patriots? You’ve completely gone over the deep end. Bonds was taking an illegal substance to physically alter his body. The Patriots were videotaping. First off, all teams do this. Secondly, the league permits this as long as you’re not on the sideline! Yes, it was a bad move by Belichick to put that camera on the field but in no way, shape or form does this compare to taking steroids.

Furthermore, I believe the fines are NOT a good indicator of the severity of the penalty. The fines are a great indicator of how psycho Roger Goodell has been since taking over the league. He’s like a crazy broad out there. He’s embarking on the same streak of levying completely egregious punishments that my mom did circa 1997-1999. Absurd!

And one last point. Whats up with people not letting go of records graciously? Hank Aaron did it, Dan Marino did it and now Don Shula/ the entire ’72 Dolphins team is doing it. Although this is nothing new for them, they’ve been known to toast champagne when the last undefeated team falls every year. Jeez fellas get a life, go watch some porn or something.

Gentlemen, its a sport. No record or player is bigger than the game. If you are fortunate enough to hold a record for any amount of time enjoy it and when your time is up don’t be a whiney friggin toddler.


Kevin Youkilis said...

I just won a gold glove....time to go slip some roofies to chicks all over the city so they'll bang a guy that looks like shrek!

Wimpy Miles said...

speaking of letting go of records graciously, you reminded me of one of my all-time favorite record breaking moments in sports. ricky henderson had just stolen the base to pass lou brock on the all-time steals list. brock is sitting there in the front row, and if i remember correctly good ol' ricky had just stolen third (right in front of where brock was sitting). brock looked none-too-pleased. they stop the game, they stick a mic in ricky's face. ricky takes the base, lifts it over his head, and says, "Lou Brock was the symbol of great base stealing. But today, I'm the greatest of all time. Thank you." vintage ricky. brock was pissed. hilarious.

Mid-section expert said...

look at that mid-section and I would know a good one when I see it