I Have a Serious Infatuation With Maria Menounos

She's smokin' hot, loves sports, and was born and raised outside the skirts of Beantown in Medford, Massachusetts. She's 29 years old and there isn't one thing I wouldn't let her to do me on a constant basis, no matter how weird it was. She's unbelievable. I want to be a "motorboating son of a b*tch" on those lovely lady lumps. Maria, sweetheart....you have luscious cans and an a$$ that just won't quit. Why haven't I bumped into you before in one of my blacked-out coma rages in the city? Sure, you probably live in Hollywood, but I can't creep you out on the west coast like I can at Ned Devine's, Tequila Rain, or any other bar within stumbling distance of friendly Fenway Park. You need to come home and discover your roots, and watch Suds in action...as I get pounded by your security guards in less than a minute as I repeatedly ask you if you'd like a drink. I'll be guy aggressive, hun -- because your snatchtastic....and I dig that.