Happy Father's Day

It's going to be a busy day for these guys...

• Calvin Murphy - 14 illegitimate kids by 9 different women. THE CHAMPION (unless you wish to discuss singer Jay Hawkins, who had a confirmed 57 kids...and possibly as many as 75).
• Ray Charles (no, he's not an athlete...and, yes, he's dead...but, impressive nonetheless) - 12 kids in total, 9 in which were illegitimate. I know he was blind all all, but come on...after a while, you'd figure this excuse would have run it's course.
• Evander Holyfield - 9 illegitimate kids.
• Willie Anderson (ex-San Antonio Spur) - 9 illegitimate kids. Couldn't score on the court, but didn't miss in the bedroom.
• Shawn Kemp - 7 illegitimate kids by 6 women. THE FACE OF FATHER'S DAY. Side note...are those the worst jersey's you've ever seen (above photo)??
• Derrick Thomas - Died at the age of 33, but still had enough time to pump out 7 illegitimate kids with 5 different women.
• Larry Johnson (the basketball player) - 5 kids with 4 different women, 3 of which are illegitimate.
• Vlad Guerrero - 4 kids, all with different women. Further proof that he will swing at absolutely anything!
• Santonio Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids by 2 women...BEFORE LEAVING COLLEGE!
• Shannon Sharpe - 3 illegitimate kids with 3 women, all within a year of each other. Fact...all resemble Barbaro.
• Willis McGahee - 3 illegitimate kids in a 2 year span while in Buffalo.
• Greg Minor - 3 illegitimate kids.
• Ricky Williams - 3 illegitimate kids.
• Priest Holmes - 3 illegitimate kids.
• Chad Johnson - 3 illegitimate kids.
• Noel Devine - (the top HS running back recruit...could be headed to West Virginia) - rumored to already have at least 2-3 illegitimate kids.

Special thanks to 100 Percent Injury Rate (http://100percentinjuryrate.blogspot.com/), as they also compiled a list including most of these names.

The Indian Stock Market Has Closed for the Day

It's late Friday afternoon -- and the Cowichan tribe has gone on a company retreat....

Maybe it's me, but this photo has me pissing myself. As the saying goes, a picture says a thousand words.

Everybody Takes Steroids

Mixed Martial Arts giant Royce Gracie has tested positive for traces of Nandrolone, a commonly used anabolic steroid. Gracie is one of the biggest names in UFC history, as he's commonly referred to as the "pioneer of the sport" -- he captured the first Ultimate Fighting Championship on November 12, 1993. In short, he's a UFC god.

Why the hell is Gracie taking steroids these days?? He's almost 41 years old. His fighting days are long behind him, as evidenced by the fact that he's now struggling to defeat the likes of Kazuchi Sakuraba.

Anyways, if one were to take steroids (and risk their legacy), shouldn't they ensure that the juice they are injecting actually works? Has anyone seen Gracie of late?? His physique resembles that of the grandfather that loiters around your local 7/11.

In the end, this is just additional proof that most professional athletes AT LEAST experiment with steroids at some point in their career. However, the ONLY one the media points a finger at is Barry Bonds. Yes, Bonds is an a$$hat that has provoked many of his own issues with the media...but, it's wrong (on all levels) that he is the sole face of steroids.

As I attend tonight's Sox - Giants game tonight...I, for one, will not be cheering nor booing the phenomenon which is Barry Bonds. Instead, I will simply soak it all in and appreciate one of the greatest athletes we have ever witnessed. After all, his accomplishments have come on a level playing field (whether you want to accept it or not).

Lastly, how 'bout them Sox??? They look good -- it must be summer (same 'ol song and dance)...

Dime of the Day

You guessed it...another Brazilian supermodel -- Izabel Goulart. What do they put in the water over there??? If I were Mayor Menino, such a study would be my first order of business. Boston desperately needs to import some of these beauties into town. Such an effort warrants the utmost attention -- if I had to, I would order the local criminals to steal some of Brazil's best. Given Governor Deval Patrick's past as Assistant Attorney General of Civil Rights, Lord knows he has the necessary connections to place such a request.

With power, comes responsibility. Get it done (no excuses)...

Who's Crazier...Elijah Dukes or His Mother??

When the news broke that Elijah Dukes had impregnated a 17-year-old foster kid living with his grandmother, the St. Petersburg Times interviewed Dukes' mother to get a reaction. In the original article that appeared in Wednesday's newspaper, they included the following quote from Phyllis Dukes:

"Every time one of those whores lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant," she said. "That's right. And I'm tired of them."

This is great. I have little doubt that someone in the Dukes' family is going to kill this pour soul/teenager before this unlucky newborn is born.


(Credit for this quote should be given to The Fanhouse -- http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/)

For All You Pats Fans...

Couple questions I have about this Randy Moss interview...

1) Is Stephon Marbury a better talk show host or NBA point guard?

2) And, most importantly...is Randy Moss, the gangsta, really rockin' Teva's with white socks??????

As The NBA Finals Wrap Up...

As the San Antonio Spurs are on the verge of capturing their 4th NBA championship (1999, 2003, 2005, 2007) in the last 9 years, much discussion surrounds whether or not they are a dynasty?

In short...NO!

And, this is coming from an individual that enjoys watching Tim Duncan & Co. methodically (and fundamentally) embarrass opponents and defensive sets. This is why I dislike the greater media -- this is an awful topic for debate. How can a team that has NEVER won back-to-back titles be considered a "dynasty"???? I fail to comprehend the logic.

If the Spurs win their 5th title (in 10 years) next season, then (and only then) I will allow you to approach me about the same subject. Why? Because then, the Spurs would have AT LEAST won consecutive championships. To be honest, a better argument an be made that Shaq & Kobe teamed up to comprise a much more dynamic "dynasty" than Tim Duncan & Co. No??? Shaq & Kobe went back-to-back-to-back, only to quickly destruct and go their separate ways. So, yes...the Spurs have endured more tenure, but the Lakers were nearly (or just) as efficient in many fewer years. Last I checked, it's nearly impossible to establish two dynasties (in the same sport) in a span of less than a decade.

Continuing on this point, it's like saying Nolan Ryan was a better pitcher than Sandy Koufax. Huh? Exactly, it's not even a comparison -- both great in their own right, but Koufax was the FAR superior pitcher. But, because Nolan Ryan played 27 seasons (compared to Koufax's 12 seasons), then it's quite obvious why Koufax's total stats pale in comparison.

Anyways, on a different and more appropriate note...Robert "Big Shot Bob" is about to win his 7th championship. With that said, is he a Hall of Famer?? At first thought, you may brush this question off. However, it actually requires much deeper thought. Think about it...KC Jones won 8 championships (he played a total of 9 seasons...all with Bill Russell, mind you) -- and, in turn, was inducted into Springfield in 1989. His numbers??

In 25.9 minutes/game (9-year career), KC Jones averaged 7.4 points, 4.3 assists, and 3.5 rebounds.

If you include KC Jones as a Hall of Famer, "Big Shot Bob" is an eventual lock...a no-brainer...a slam dunk! In 24.9 minutes/game (15-year career thus far), Horry has averaged 7.2 points, 2.2 assists, and 4.9 rebounds. Not to mention, Horry has always saved his best for the playoffs -- as he has knocked down dagger-after-dagger-after-dagger for his entire career. And, to take it a step further...in my expert opinion, when Horry was teamed with Olajuwon (most specifically, in 1994 and 1995...when the Rockets went back-to-back in Jordan's "gambling" absence), Horry was DEFINITELY a top 5 overall player in the league. At that time, Horry was Olajuwon's Pippen. On the other hand, KC Jones was NEVER an elite player -- he was an afterthought on those legendary Celtics' teams (Jones never averaged more than 9 points in a single season).

At the end of the day, neither KC Jones nor Robert Horry are Hall of Fame worthy. However, the "pundits" incomprehensibly set the precedent with KC Jones. Thus, once such a standard has been set, the committee must remain consistent in their selection process.

Discuss...

Jessica Alba Can Do No Wrong

Today, I'm going to provide you readers with a few recent Jessica Alba quotes. Thereafter, I'm not going to provide any commentary. I want these quotes to settle within your warped minds for the rest of the afternoon, as they speak in-and-of themselves. Yes, you might as well check out now...as your day of production is about to come to a screeching halt. My only question is...is that 2nd photo (from above) real or photoshopped (my research claims it's the real deal)?

Stunning actress Jessica Alba says she is up for a one-night stand -- as long as the man leaves the next morning. Deep breath, pause, and re-read this last sentence. Ok, now continue...

The curvy 26-year-old likes the idea of getting intimate with lots of different people because she loves experimenting in sex.

She told Cosmopolitan magazine: "I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don't think a girl's a slut if she enjoys sex.

"I could have a one-night stand, and I'm the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, 'Do you really have to be here?' I don't need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don't try to make it more.

"I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don't feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don't really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have."

"Even when I was a virgin and wanted to marry the first guy who I slept with, I never passed any judgments about that. But now, I'm done with dating around."


http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2005100513,00.html

Happy International Webloggers Day!

You read that right, ladies and gents. Today is the unofficial holiday for bloggers around the globe to recognize and rejoice in the revolution in online communication that is blogging. If that and flag day weren't enough, I did a little digging...and holy crap is there a lot of stuff that happened on June 14th throughout the years.

For starters, back in 1648, good old Bean-town had its first execution of some crazy broad claiming she was a witch (good riddance, the world has too many crazy chicks, lets start picking 'em off). In 1775, the U.S. Army was established by the Continental Congress - and two years later, Stars and Stripes was adopted as the flag of the United States. Yah, I know, pretty interesting right....well it gets better. In 1789, the first whiskey was distilled from maize in Bourbon County, Kentucky (lets all take a moment of silence to pay homage). On June 14th, 1900, Hawaii became an official state. In 1934, James J. Braddock scored one of the most upsetting victories in of his boxing career by beating John "Corn" Griffin - roughly marking the advent of his comeback to success and eventually winning World Heavyweight championship.

But before you run out and go grab a couple of cold ones to celebrate this 'day of days', its not chocolate chip cookies and milkshakes. This day back in 1937 was a sad, sad day for the U.S. The House of Representatives passed the 1937 Marijuana Tax Act. Although the act itself did not criminalize the possession or usage of cannabis, it was a key step and a foreshadowing (of sorts) of things to come.

Anyways, I lost my train of thought there......to end on a positive note there are also some key birthdays today. With that in mind, I'd like to extend Win Column birthday wishes to Che Guevara, Don Trump and Yasmine Bleeth. And, to pay homage to two things that go hand-in-hand....Hawaii becoming a state and Yasmine Bleeth in a bikini (remember when she was hot??). Enjoy the pics!

Orlando

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa...Who Is Brooke Adams??

Now, this is more like it! When it comes to Brooke Adams, disregard everything I just said in the below blog.

According to The Grumpiest (http://thegrumpiest.com/), Brooke Adams is a "wrestling chick". She made her in-ring WWE debut on the May 28, 2007 edition of RAW where she, along with several other WWE ‘Divas’ competed in a Memorial Day Bikini Beach Splash Battle Royal…she didn’t win. How?????

While we're at it...WHERE THE HELL HAS LYTEDOGG BEEN??? Last I heard (some 3 weeks ago), he was going on extended-paid vacation for the summer...yet, I haven't seen a post from him since!! Somebody, anybody...wake up this sleeping giant....

Reason #1,027 as to Why Chicks Suck

Did anyone see Justin Verlander's GIRLFRIEND (as in not "wife"...and not even "fiance"), Emily Yuen, scurry ONTO the field after the final pitch in last night's game?? Yes, I said "girlfriend".

This b*tch has some friggin' nerve!! By the expression on Verlander's face when you initially saw Yuen, she was the LAST person he wanted to see at the current moment. It was so awkward. Eventually, he came around to it -- basically because he realized Yuen had just ruined the rest of his night...and there was nothing he could do about it (without coming across as a d*ckhead on national television).

Let me make sure my point is clear...unless you are a part of the Tigers and/or your last name is "Verlander" (as in actual family), your dirty a$$ should never see the stadium grass in such a situation. Am I clear???

Again, Verlander's expression when he first saw Yuen was high, high comedy. Classic. Yuen's objective was so obvious -- she was staking her claim (aka, putting a quick end to what should have been an all-night bender). I've got news for you, sweetheart...this relationship will be O-V-E-R by season's end (at the very latest). Guaranteed.

Verlander is a stud 24-year-old major league pitcher. He was drafted #2 overall in the 2004 MLB Draft. He was the 2006 AL Rookie of the Year. He throws 102 MPH (in the 9th inning). His next contract will presumably make him FILTHY rich. There is NO WAY you are in his future. Instead, the entire community of Detroit clam is his present AND future. Unless you plan to adopt Andrei Kirilenko's wife's philosophy, then I advise you to hit the road running. I speak on behalf for all men around the country...we hate your pretentious a$$.

FYI for Yuen and all other such c-nt$ (yes, I'm angry) out there...stay where you belong (in the seats)! Let the man enjoy his moment in the sun -- with guess whom...his boys, aka the REAL people that he wants to celebrate and get loaded with!!!!

The Cincinnati Bengals Belong In a Zoo

You know you are a piece of $hit when you are accused of assaulting a 16-year old boy while riding around with your friend (teammate Reggie McNeal) in a car. Chris Henry has been arrested about 67 times in the last 3 football seasons. It's clear as day that this retard belongs behind bars in the worst way. He's pretty much a wild animal that does whatever the hell he wants, whenever he wants. Chris Henry has charges of marijuana possession, concealed weapon charge, DUI, providing alcohol to minors of the ages of 18, 15, and 16 in his car (aka Marcus Vick special), failed NFL drug tests.....and now you can add an assault and battery charge (should this allegation warrant an arrest).

Good for you, Chris Henry. You supposedly tossed beer bottles at the poor kid as he tried to walk down the street. You seriously need your a$$ kicked badly. You're a piece of $hit, that really serves no purpose in this world. The Republican in me would like to sentence you to the death penalty for being such a useless jerkoff to this world, but I know the liberal a$$holes that read this website will probably petition to save your sorry, worthless life.

So kids, what's the moral of the story? Do drugs, buy booze for kids in high school, get c*cked and drive, carry tons of guns, and throw beer bottles from your car at kids walking down the street. Sounds pretty ridiculous, huh? Should these charges stick, Chris Henry should never see a football field again. He can take his $300K salary (that should be much more if it weren't for him trying to be an original gangsta) and shove it up his a$$. The sad thing is that Chris Henry is a beast when he's on the field. He catches everything in sight and has a nose for the end zone. But the only end zone he should sniff this year is Pacman Jones' grundle.

Hey Chris, Simply Suds says you're a friggin' jerkoff that should be on the chain gang. Go to hell. You're a disgrace to the game of football....and you should be locked up in a cage.

Who's Sperm Is Most Potent?

Britney Spears' rumored reunion with K-Fed is more than likely on hold now that sources are claiming that K-Fed's ex, Shar Jackson, is pregnant with her third child.

Personally, I find this to be hilarious! I'm beginning to wonder if K-Fed has tricked everyone...has he (and Shar Jackson) beat the system?? And, by this...I mean, was this all a part of K-Fed's master plan -- to run through Britney, take her money, and again start spewing out more mocha munchkins???

So, in one corner...we have Federline coming in strong with a total of 5 toddlers. Is it me, or has he reproduced all these muts in the last 2-3 years??? Either way, none of them stand a chance in this world. Let's face it, they are all doomed.

In the the corner...we have Elijah Dukes, whom is about to father his sixth thug (by 5 different mothers...some of age, some not).

And, let's not forget the legendary efforts of Shawn Kemp (7 kids..."that he knows of") and Larry "Grand Ma Ma" Johnson (the basketball player...5 kids by 4 different mothers).

At the end of the day, all of the aforementioned are heroes to Tom Brady...

Larry Flynt is the Balls

Not only is Flynt the man because he owns and operates a nudie mag that comes out each month, but due to his ridiculous wealth he has the opportunity to do something that none of us can do in our day-to-day. Stick it to the man. And I mean really stick it to the man. The above ad cost Flynt $85,000 to run in last Sunday's Washington Post, offering a million bucks to anyone that can provide any substantial information proving that some high-ranking, sh*tbag government official diddled them.

Flynt, an enemy of the Republican party every since some looney shot him and left him paralyzed from the waist down in the 1970's, has pulled off a similar feat in the past. In 1998, when the majority of republicans were calling for Clinton's impeachment, Flynt ran a similar ad that eventually exposed Robert Livingston - a congressman from Louisiana who was tipped to succeed Newt Gingrich as Speaker of the House and had demanded that President Clinton resign because of his conduct with Ms. Lewinsky. The exposure ultimately forced Livingston to an early retirement.

God, I love this country! Due to the unparalleled personal rights we have in the good ole US of A, if you have enough money you can expose as many perverts as you want....even if you are, consequently, a perv yourself. Like it or not, Flynt personifies the American dream. So God bless you, Larry...I'll support your cause when I pick up the latest edition of Hustler. And keep raising hell with Dems and/or Republicans alike because, after all, a pompous, rich, smug prick is still an asshole regardless of his political party.

Orlando

Elijah, Invest In Some F*cking Rubbers You Creepy Bastard

A 17-year old girl living with a relative of Tampa Bay Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes has informed police that she believes she is pregnant with Dukes' child. She told investigators that her and Dukes had consensual sex on a living room couch. Am I the only one hysterically laughing yet? Apparently being the psycho that he is (he's left messages on his ex-wife's cell phone in the past, allegedly threatening to kill her), Dukes was so angry at the girl when she told him that according to the girl:

"Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me."

Should this allegation prove to be true, this will mark the 6th child Dukes will have with 5 different women. Dude, that's f*cking retarded! He'll be 23 years old on June 26th, which means this 22 year old bastard has fathered 5 kids already....wow. I mean, is this guy so horny that he has to bare back everything? He is set to earn $380,000 this year...I mean, can't you invest in some Trojan Magnums to cover up your huge hammer that seems to leak super sperm whenever you get laid? You have to be a real scumbag to father 6 kids with 5 women. And how about the fact that he chucked a Gatorade at the baby's mama after she told him. She is 17 years old for Christ's sake....she was probably thrilled to rock a Major League ballplayer....but then she has to get assaulted by a pervert like Dukes? The Win Column doesn't have too many standards when it comes to getting laid....but I'd officially like to announce that Elijah Dukes has also earned "Pickle of the Week" honors as well. Wear a friggin' condom you creep. $10 bucks will save you about $100,000 a month in child support. You better hope you swing a hot stick and get a nice contract....otherwise, you'll be selling crack and flippin' burgers because it's obvious you have no standards and zero respect for anything other than your desire to smash clam.

Flame Thrower Takes Home No-No

Hats off to Justin Verlander tonight as he just completed a complete game no-hitter. Verlander fanned 12 Milwaukee Brewers on the night and walked four batters. There were many ridiculous plays by the Tigers defense which helped secure the zero's on the board.

In any event, if I threw 100 MPH, I'd like to think that not only would I get a no-hitter every other time I was on the mound, but I'd throw my hammer 100 MPH at every single chick within 20 miles of the Ford and GM car factories. Congrats dumbo, I mean Verlander.

Louisville Chugger

"Cut the top off a whiffle ball bat, plug the small hole in the bottom, pour in the beer. Chug the beer, then spin around the bat for the amount of time it took you to chug said beer. Afterwards, try to hit the empty can and not fall."

As College Humor points out, LOUISVILLE CHUGGER is the latest drinking game/rage at your local college campus.

If you don't think 'Simply Suds' is going to bring this to the beach this summer, you obviously don't know what he is capable of (for the record, all indications are that Suds' just finished one hell of a weekend).

The "Gay Bomb"

This story is quite ridiculous...so ridiculous that I am convinced that our own Norman Orlando was/is the leading influence behind such a tactic.

Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called "Gay Bomb."

As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior."

"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another."

"The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soldiers would become gay."

Re-read that last quote......"that soldiers WOULD BECOME gay". Is that sentence implying what I've always believed -- that one isn't NECESSARILY born gay! Think about it...why are there so many more homosexuals now than there were just a decade or so ago?? Correct me if I'm wrong...but when I was a 12-year-old, I wasn't watching two of the same sex kiss and cuddle in the eyes of the general public!!! Today??? It's so commonplace, it's sickening (at least to me...unless, of course, you look like Adriana Lima and Ana Beatriz Barros). I come from the old-school belief that "being gay" has become trendy (don't ask me why). I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that hundreds of thousands of more people (than before) all of sudden were born gay. You're telling me that this whole spectrum was in hiding before now??????

Just my rant of the day -- and if I offended anyone...tough $hit!!!

To read the entire article, follow the jump....

http://cbs5.com/topstories/local_story_159222541.html

Glitter, Glisten, Gloss, Floss...I Catch a Beat Runnin' Like Randy Moss

That subject quote is courtesy of Outkast "The Whole World."

Moss and Stallworth split wide.....Welker in the slot....and Big Ben Watson running insane routes at alarming speeds from the tight end position. Stop it, just friggin' stop it. This is actually our football team that we're going to be able to enjoy on Monday's, Sunday's, and maybe an occasional Thursday depending on the NFL schedule. Wow. I was speechless watching Moss catch balls in stride on TV tonight from Pats minicamp. Throw in the fact that Laurence Maroney will be in the backfield....I don't really see how this offense can be stopped if everyone does their job. Because it's clearly obvious that Tom Brady is the leader of the team and he will make plays happen....even Chieftain (who's probably going to be the fan of yet another football team this year) cannot debate this. Peyton Manning can go straight to hell for all I care. Around here, it's all Pats, all the time. If you don't like it, F you.

Don't even get me started about the defense...which is a completely different defense when Rodney Harrison is on the field like a hornet whose nest was just rattled. Adalius Thomas is taking inside linebacker reps.....so all NFL running backs should be on high alert...because you can be sure that you're going to see Mr. Thomas on quite a few episodes of "JACKED UP!"

Think Randy Moss has lost a significant step at the age of 30? Think again. Take it from Rodney Harrison himself, who has seen the best WR's the NFL has had to offer over his 13 seasons.

"Are you kidding me? He runs the same as I've seen him. You watch him this year. Watch any team that tries to put its best cornerback on him one-on-one. I can't wait to see that. He will eat you alive. Ain't no way he's lost his legs.''

So who's booking the Super Bowl trip soon? Phoenix sounds like a great place to get weird. I have no problem being escorted out of the U of Arizona or Arizona State for behaving badly. There is a lot of territory to go clamming in the desert. Let's make it happen.

Ocho Cinco vs. Beast

In front of an estimated crowd of 8,000 at River Downs....Chad Johnson used a 100-meter head start to defeat "Restore the Roar" in a 1/8 mile race around the track. Feeling pretty good about himself, Johnson mounted the horse after the race and rode it all the way to the winner's circle, where he proceeded to announce that he may return to the track in the near future to race an even faster horse. Some other eventful quotes from the circus were:

"Floyd Mayweather, you're next," Johnson said. "I want to fight you. I'd like to take Kobe and LeBron one-on-one. Jeff Gordon, we can take a couple laps."

"Look at him over there," Johnson said pointing to Restore the Roar, dancing about on his way to the track. "This is how DBs feel before the game. He's antsy. He's nervous."

I was thinking of ways I could turn this post into me making fun of Chad Johnson, but I actually find this hilarious. He's racing friggin' horses around race tracks and talkin' $hit to the greatest athletes in their respective sports. That's unbelievable. Although Chad would get his clock cleaned by Mayweather in less than 2 minutes....the other athletes should take him up on his offer. He should also try and set the record for the world's largest gang bang too while he's at it. Why not?

Best Intro Ever to a Show or Movie

Because you're all still being complete pu$$ies about how you didn't like the final episode. WAHHHH WAHHHHHHHH. If this intro doesn't make you want to join organized crime, then go look in the mirror....and check your pulse.

Most Desirable NBA Commodities (Part I)

Similar to how Bill Simmons puts together a yearly Top 50 list of what NBA stars currently have the highest trade value on the open market (including performance/age/salary/etc), I plan to run my own rankings by week's end (essentially, because I don't want to be accused of ripping off any of Simmons' assessments). Why? Because let's be serious...I challenge you to find me one human that knows the NBA and/or MLB better than your boy, Chieftain.

Before compiling such a list, I just wanted to let the readers know that my initial suspicions seemed to have been confirmed. What exactly am I talking about? Word out of NBA circles have alluded to the rumor that the Blazers have denied a straight-up swap of Garnett-for-the 2007 #1 pick.

Does anyone still not fully believe in Oden?? Does anyone still think that last month's draft lottery won't be as negatively influential (on the Celtics) as was the "Tim Duncan" draft of 1997??

So, yes...that's right -- the 2007 #1 overall pick (Greg Oden) is tentatively slotted as my 4th most valuable commodity/asset in professional basketball...only behind:

1. Lebron James, 22 (he's not the best...but, considering he's only 22, he DEFINITELY has the highest trade value)

2. Kobe Bryant, 28

3. Tim Duncan, 31

...Stay tuned, as the next 46 will be unvieled in the coming days.

Carry on...

I Apologize In Advance

Seriously, are these bikini photos of Serena Williams or Mike Tyson??

And, the most puzzling factoid about Serena Williams? The notion that she once dated Tayshaun Prince. For my money, this is the oddest pairing in the history of relationships!

If I posted the "view-from-behind" photo, I wouldn't be able to come to grips with myself (in order to see it, click on the below link -- 3rd photo from top). The Win Column does have some limits...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/showbiz/showbiznews.html?in_article_id=461183&in_page_id=1773

Why is it Assumed That Tony Parker is French??

When I think Tony Parker...I think Eva Longoria, the San Antonio Spurs, lightning quickness, points in the piant, and his French roots.

Wait, Tony Parker isn't French?????

Wikipedia notes that William Anthony Parker was born is Belgium, but raised in France. His father is African-American while his mother is Dutch. Call me crazy, but doesn't that make him half African-American and half-Dutch...and ZERO French???

(Disclaimer: I fully realize this isn't an entertaining post...it's just that I'm really confused and wanted to know if anyone else had any further information. This is just how my mind works.)

It's Monday....So Look at Some Hot Chicks and Deal With It

I came across some pictures of Carmen Electra at the first annual Spike TV's "Guys Choice Awards." Holy crap. She pranced around the stage in a f*ck me outfit and gave several lap dances to a chair that I'd cut off my ear lobe to fill in for. She's been stupid hot for so long, and she's clearly an absolute freak between the sheets having been with some absolute weirdos over the years. I honestly think that this is one case where I may actually get nervous that I'd disappoint the lovely Carmen in the sack. I mean if Dennis Rodman's baby arm can't keep Carmen around.....what the hell am I going to offer her?

Since I don't ever have to worry about finding out the answer to that question, enjoy your Monday with some photos that are sure to lead to a bathroom break or two....because you are all a bunch of perverts....and that's ok.

The Best of Paulie Walnuts

In an attempt to get your mind off "The Sopranos" series finale, here are some of Paulie's greatest moments.

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

***SOPRANOS SPOILER ALERT***

Normally, I wouldn't post a blog about a particular episode until at least 24+ hours after it was originally aired...but, tonight's disaster has forced me to vent. Even Nightmare, who's the king of "I'm smarter than you when it comes to television/movie analysis," was left dumbfounded.

Cancel your HBO subscriptions, as this was THE WORST SERIES FINALE EVER. After watching this hour of horrible programming, I feel completely empty. "The Sopranos" WERE the most entertaining subject to come out of New Jersey since Bon Jovi. No more!!!

Literally, at 9:40...I turned to the room in which I was watching the finale with, just to note that this episode was equally as bad as all of the episodes which keened in on Tony's pointless dreams. NOTHING HAPPENED.

I get it...the mafia is all about "family". Well, the Soprano "family" was endangered...yet, Tony didn't pull the trigger on a single perpetrator?? Someone please explain this to me. I'm begging you.

I expected so much. Last week's episode (Episode 85) was great - it was reminiscent of "The Sopranos" of old. I wanted Furio to return. I wanted AJ dead. I wanted a blood-bath. Instead, I got an HBO 5-second blackout (think back to the boat scene at the beginning of the season -- when Bobby explained to Tony "that you'll know when it happens because everything goes black and silent")...and no answers!!

One death in the series finale of a show which made it's name based upon killings??? I could care less that AJ was finally "happy" with his new M-3!! What purpose did Junior serve in this episode??? Why? And, please spare me the foreshadowing rhetoric...I don't want to hear it. To say I'm disappointed is the understatement of the year.

Moving on, there's OBVIOUSLY going to be a Sopranos movie in the future. Although creator David Chase has always steadfastly denied such a notion, this episode was clearly designed to make a fortune on the big screen.

As I have scurried the internet, my research tells me that fellow HBO alum Tom Fontana recently mentioned to Chase that he "could do a story about the Soprano's grandparents first coming to the country". Is he serious??? Wasn't a movie already made around the exact same concept? Think Godfather II...

David Chase...here is a big F U from me to you! Philosophical minds...beat it!

(And FYI...I only caught some of the new show which followed The Sopranos, but from what I saw...it consisted of TERRIBLE acting. Seriously, I could fill in for any of the lead actors on John from Cincinnati.)