The Greatest Car Salesman of all Time

I found this in Will Ferrell's site FunnyorDie.com.

There is some bad language so if you are at work keep the volume down.

GET OUT YOUR F*CKING CHECKBOOK!!!!!!!

Keith Olbermann Is Aggressive

This video is out of hand. I know its rather long but I highly recommend giving it a watch from start to finish. Suds, Lytedogg, RT what should the retort be from your party?

Blind Driveways

You know what really pisses me off.....blind driveway signs. All the sign does is tell me that if a person isn't paying attention, they will probably be killed. I don't slow down when I see them. I carry on as if they didn't exist. I don't study rocket science but wouldn't it make more god damn sense to have a sign facing the people that live on the street..."watch the f#ck out or your going to be plastered on a windshield."

Happy Lingerie Friday

Leave This One Alone, Chucky

Roy Cummings of the Tampa Tribune is reporting that the Buccaneers have met with free agent Daunte Culpepper to discuss a potential incentive laden contract. Culpepper was in Tampa on Thursday to meet with Head Coach John Gruden and other Tampa officials. Daunte was granted his release from the Dolphins earlier this week, after failing to catch on in the city where the HEAT is on. On the surface, the Bucs don't appear to really need much help at the quarterback position (as they currently hold 5 QB's on their active roster including Jeff Garcia, Chris Simms, Jake Plummer, and Brad Gradkowski), but John Gruden has never met a talented veteran he wouldn't consider working with.

Ok, seriously, Johnny Boy....leave this one alone. Daunte Culpepper sucks. He's God awful. He'll have you smashing your play sheet to the ground, and I'll have to look at that miserable scowl on your face all game, as the cameras focus in on your ugly lid and call you "Chucky." Take it from someone that watched Culpepper attempt to rejuvenate his career in the AFC East.......he's a washed up B-U-M. He tries to do too much....often creating turnovers....which is exactly the opposite of what your team needs. That is why you signed Jeff Garcia. He's a field general that makes minimal mistakes, and tends not to force the issue with turnovers. So, you could say he's the opposite of that mongoloid you hosted in Tampa on Thursday.

Snoop Strikes Again

Granted, I agree with Les Miles 100%. When it comes to college football, the SEC is dominant. Intimidating, to say the least. Incredible. Countless perennial powerhouses year-in and year-out.

Florida (Urban Meyer). LSU (Les Miles). Auburn (Tommy Tuberville). Tennessee (Phillip Fulmer). Alabama (Urban Meyer). South Carolina (Steve Spurrier). Georgia. Arkansas. Say no more!!!

That's legendary. There isn't a single better conference in ALL of sports, collegiate or professional. Speed kills!!

With that said, I love Snoop's passion for sports (in particular USC...and, that's coming from an ND fan)...

"Who the f*ck is Les Miles? The SEC, we done played Arkansas last year Les, tore they a$$ up by 40 Les, they won your division last year, Les, b*tch-a$$ motherf*cker."

"Man, we're USC. We get Heisman's like my crew gets pus$$y -- whenever we want to."

Bottom line, that last quote is great -- going forward, this quote will be part of my regular "Rhody" vocabulary. However, Snoop requires a refresher...

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but USC was guaranteed a championship opportunity vs. Ohio State this past season until they CHOKED in their last regular season game...to UCLA, no less (your team's primary rival)!! You want to crack on Arkansas??? Hellooooooo, UCLA won 7 games last season (a team which was CRUSHED in the 4th quarter in their Bowl Game vs. a .500 and undersized FSU team). UCLA sucked! Entering December 2nd, USC determined their own destiny -- only to be embarrassed on national television. How's it go?? That's right..."big time players make big time plays in big time games." Tell that to John David Booty, who played one of the sloppiest 2nd halves I have witnessed to date (vs. UCLA) -- he looked like Tavaris Jackson in the pocket. Plain and simple, UCLA coach Karl Dorrell owned Pete Carroll on December 2nd. No excuses.

Yes, USC crushed Arkansas in the 2006 season opener. But, who was injured for that game??? You guessed it, Arkansas' ONLY offensive weapon...that being stud Darren McFadden (toe surgery)!!! Would USC still have won? Absolutely. But, no Pac-10 team with 2 losses deserves a championship opportunity over either Florida OR Ohio St. It wasn't...and shouldn't EVER be a discussion.

God, I can't wait for football weekends...

Is It OK to Write on a Passed Out Friend?

Here at the Win Column....rather than argue with Chieftain over his baseball rankings (that absolutely suck)....I say we move on to a more enjoyable debate, and discussion. Is it ok to write all over a buddy that passes out the earliest at a party? I can think of many occasions where I've had d*cks, Nazi propaganda, and many other weird things written on me when I passed out. I awake to find my eyelids colored in, and signatures on my legs, arms, and usually somewhere else that's weird. But don't get me wrong, it's not a one way street. I thoroughly enjoy writing on anyone that passes out early at a party. It's your own fault for being a p*ssy and not being able to hang with the big boys (and girls). I love to find the nearest PERMANENT Sharpie marker and absolutely pepper someone with unthinkable words, symbols, and other creepy things. Just ask the Commodore about how last month I colored in his ears, nose, eyes, and gave him a Hitler mustache after he was the first one to pass out at a party.

Is it ok to draw all over a buddy in permanent marker when he's passed out? And if you don't think I have a Sharpie in my hand....and the Commodore didn't have a little too many "Suds" tonight.....and he's not passed out on my couch....well...stay tuned to see if I create a Picasso on his moley face.

Whatever You Say Coach

I just so happen to think of this press conference at least once a week, referencing some Denny Green quotes whenever I need to know "who I thought they were."

This is strictly comedy. Who starts a press conference with "Nah, they are what we thought they were." Is that even English? What did you think they were? I'm confused. Denny Green should go down as one of the worst coaches in recent NFL history. He took a fairly decent Vikings team and a young, but talented Cardinals team, and completely tanked both franchises.

You suck Denny.

MLB Position Rankings

Because there is absolutely no sports news these days other than the Mike Vike investigation (a topic I have long grown exhausted from), I have compiled more rankings. On this Thursday afternoon, I can't think of anything else which will get our competitive juices flowing more so than an innocent (or not so innocent) list of baseball's top 25 all-around position players (all skills considered).

Ahhh, who am I kidding?? My lists are FACT. They are so thoroughly compiled that they don't allow any leeway for debate.

1. Alex Rodriguez, 3B

2. Albert Pujols, 1B

3. Derek Jeter, SS

4. Vladimir Guerrero, RF

5. Chase Utley, 2B

6. Ichiro Suzuki, CF/RF

7. Miguel Cabrera, 3B

8. David Ortiz, DH

9. David Wright, 3B

10. Jose Reyes, SS

11. Justin Morneau, 1B

12. Gary Sheffield, DH/OF

13. Ryan Howard, 1B

14. Matt Holliday, LF

15. Alfonso Soriano, LF

16. Joe Mauer, C

17. Manny Ramirez, LF

18. Barry Bonds, LF

19. Miguel Tejada, SS

20. Andruw Jones, CF

21. Carlos Beltran, CF

22. Lance Berkman, 1B/OF

23. Aramis Ramirez, 3B

24. Prince Fielder, 1B

25. Torii Hunter, CF

Honorable Mention (no particular order): Grady Sizemore, Mark Teixeira, Travis Hafner, Victor Martinez, Carlos Lee, Carl Crawford, Vernon Wells, Ken Griffey, Derrek Lee, Hanley Ramirez, Magglio Ordonez, Michael Young, Russell Martin, Jorge Posada, Jimmy Rollins, Chipper Jones, Carlos Guillen, Alex Rios, Adam Dunn, Ivan Rodriguez, Jason Bay, Ryan Braun (I'm in love with this guy)

Brand Loyalty

Kevin Durant has inked a seven year deal with Nike worth an estimated $60 million dollars, including a $10 million dollar signing bonus. Adidas had an offer on the table for Durant....a $70 million dollar deal with a 12 year signing bonus. However, since Durant has ties to Nike dating back to 8th grade, he chose to stay loyal, and stay with Nike.

Huh? I wish I could make decisions that would basically throw away $12 million bucks. Wow. You know life is good when you're turning down $70 million dollar deals in order to sign $60 million dollar deals. All this on top of your millions that you will earn annually for your salary.....wow. Kevin Durant is now one rich mother f*cker. Maybe he can spot me a hundo, or maybe a G. The Nashville crew could sure use some free extra ca$h to do unthinkable acts on the ride down to the Music City.

Swoosh.

I Hate the Cupid Shuffle

Slowstuff would be proud...but I've stepped up my game, and I've been watching a serious amount of MTV Jams, Hotlist, and VH1 Soul....but nothing has really infuriated me like this stupid song, and this retarded dance that goes along with it. What the hell kind of dance is this? The Cupid Shuffle? How can people honestly get rich off of this garbage? I've seen kids dance better on 6 pills of Ecstasy and a ton of other narcotics. All while sweating out the disgusting amounts of booze they drank, and the 56 lung darts they ripped down for dessert. Cupid Shuffle....what a bunch of jerks. Shuffle your d*cks.

When Will Tim Tebow Show Urban Meyer's Daughter "The QB Sneak"?

Let me preface this post by saying that I go to bed every night praying that I'll never produce a daughter (whenever that time may come). For my sanity, I honestly would consider immediate adoption plans if such an catastrophic event were to occur. Believe me, it would be best for everyone involved.

With that said, The Big Lead (http://thebiglead.com/?p=2755) is reporting the discovery of Urban Meyer's daughter, Nikki (she's the brunette in all of the above photos). From what I understand, Nikki Meyer was 14 at the time of her father's hiring as Florida's football coach. Thus, Nikki is presumably 17 years old these days. As in UNDERAGE. For this reason, I'm going to respect all fathers across the country - and refrain from making any unnecessary comments. I've posted the pictures, so you can now all draw your own assessments.

These photos are going to haunt Urban Meyer forever. GATOR CHOMPS...

FYI...the Over/Under date is set on Nikki Meyer's 18th Birthday. Can I get a "push"?

DOG'S IN THE KENNEL

Please watch this from start to finish. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I'm still laughing. Wow. This is the greatest video I've ever seen.

Innocent until proven guilty....unless you are Mike Vick. What a scum bag.

What I Really Want For Christmas Is.....

...an alcohol monitoring anklet like Lindsay Lohan has to wear on a daily basis. I can't even imagine how fun it would be to sit around with a bunch of buddies watching college football on a Saturday, all while seeing who can get the most f*cked up while we watch our anklets skyrocket into the lethal blood alcohol levels. Post-blackout, I always wonder what my numbers would have been....and now I have a way to achieve these goals. Lytedogg could possibly give me a run for my money....he's not afraid to suck down 22-28 cold Busch Lights in a dorm room. I've seen it first hand. Orlando would probably come in last, because he'd only manage to drink one of his wheat pale ale stout amber brews, all while we annihilate 30 racks. Nightmare would probably pass out in a cab before we could read his alcohol meter. Oh, and the creepy pr*ck that is known as the Commodore...he'd probably be the most upset, due to the fact that the anklet would weigh down his crucial slow dancing first-step leg.

As for Chieftain....he probably wouldn't drink. He'd still be pouting in his room and doing curls after a Yankees loss.

Either way, hopefully the price of these anklets will come way down so we can all enjoy a day of football, booze, buffy chicken pizzas.....all to see who can get the most f*cked up. Oh, and yes...I will put in a couple of whacker bets....all capped off with me praying to God that Hawaii covers 21 at midnight, or I'm in a world of trouble.


(Photos courtesy of http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com)

Everybody's Doing It....

PGA legendary golfer Gary Player announced to the media that he knows of at least one golfer that has used steroids...and he's urging the PGA to immediately impliment a random drug testing program, so that the sport isn't tarnished. Said Player....

"One guy told me -- and I took an oath prior to him telling me -- but he told me what he did and I could see this massive change in him," Player said. "And somebody else told me something I also promised I wouldn't tell, that verified others had done it."

Alright....who's on the sauce? Fess up. Maybe it's the guy that looks like he's jacked out of his t*ts in the tee box, or the guy that punches his caddy in the neck for giving him the wrong read on the green. I'm calling bullsh*t here. Maybe some dude took a cycle to deal with injuries or stamina....but there definitely isn't a steroids problem in golf. Gary Player can go to hell. Now, he gets to be the focal point of conversation for a few months, whereas before nobody could give two sh*ts about whether or not he won the Masters in 1961 or took a Phil Mickelson 7-Iron to his forehead. He's like 97 years old, with wrinkly, old balls.

Hey Gary....go sit on your driver, you loser.

Miss Cleo Returns!!

Rumors are spilling out that the 7th season of The Surreal Life will include the following cast mates:

• "Macho Man" Randy Savage
• Dabney Coleman
• American Idol's Nikki McKibbin
• Miss Cleo
• Carrot Top
• Phil Hellmuth

If you're not yet familiar with this program, get with it. The Surreal Life is reality television gold! Just ask the man himself, Flava Flav.

And, this upcoming season is sure to not disappoint. If the suspected cast is indeed true, nothing short of complete and utter mayhem will be expected.

Macho Man?? Miss Cleo?? Carrot Top???? Consider me hooked!

Think about it...Miss Cleo is a raging lunatic!! Everything about her has turned out to be a fraud. Youree Dell Harris (aka, "Miss Cleo") was actually born in Los Angeles to American parents, and never lived in Jamaica - nor was she a shaman priestess. Instead, the Miss Cleo character was based on a Jamaican character called Cleo that Harris had performed in her Seattle play by the name of For Women Only. The play - as well as several others - were funded by a non-profit organization, but Harris apparently kept the money for herself. Harris - then going by the name Ree Perris - then left town, telling cast mates she had bone cancer and would return to settle the debts later. Her psychic calls weren't free either, and investigations by CourtTV, news media, and several state Attorneys General led to the entire company being shut down. On top of all this, Miss Cleo proclaimed herself a lesbian in October 2006.

Miss Cleo isn't enough?? Yeah right, she's going to own the show! Well, just wait until Poker Hall of Famer Phil Hellmuth and Carrot Top go head-up. Phil Hellmuth may just be more cocky than me, as impossible as it may sound. Oil, meet water. After all, he's been credited with the following quotes...

• "If luck weren't involved, I guess I'd win every hand."
• "I've revolutionized the way to play Texas hold 'em."
• "When I watch myself on TV, I am a bit compelling."
• "I am the Jack Nicklaus of poker, the Tiger Woods of poker, the Mozart of poker."
• "Honey, I was supposed to go broke on that hand. But, they forgot one thing - I can dodge bullets, baby."

When does this start???

Holy Crap

Ok Sudsy, I know you don't like toddlers, but this is an amazing story. I just saw this kid on "Real Sports" on HBO, and was absolutely blown away. This clip pretty much says it all, except now, at the age of 5, he has already shot a 41 for 9 holes. This kid could beat most of this site's readers. Club pros have already been examining his swing and comparing it to Tiger Woods swing (at age 31). As long he continues to beat his cancer (we at The Win Column pray he does) I have a feeling we will be hearing about this kid in the future. If you have HBO watch the segment on this kid. It gave me chills.

This is More Like It...

...A video montage of the aforementioned Aishwarya Rai, a three-time Filmfare Award-winning Indian actress (whatever that's worth).

In addition to being crowned "Miss World" in 1994, my research indicates that Rai was chosen by 'Time' magazine in 2004 as one of the world's "100 Most Influential People".

Why have I never heard of her before now?

The Last Legion

"The Last Legion", which stars Aishwarya Rai, is due out later next month.

I'm no 'Nightmare' when it comes to movie analysis, but this trailer looks rather undesirable.

The fake weapons and the fake choreography all resemble that of a video game.

Essentially, the only reason I'm posting anything about this "film" is because it stars what some have coined as the "world's most beautiful woman".

Mike Tyson Finally Got Around to "Eating Your Children"

TMZ.com (yes, the site which was referenced in a recent Entourage episode) is reporting that "the former champ was spotted pounding the pavement in Beverly Hills ... which probably means that a reality show is just around the corner."

Ok...if you've been reading this site, then you know HUGE advocates of anything relating to Mike Tyson. Many of us have been clamoring for a camera to be put in front of his mug for years now. He is an enigma. We love him.

Anyways, one of the original rules of The Win Column states that any Mike Tyson update automatically becomes blog worthy. Is it me or does Tyson resemble Eddie Murphy as "The Nutty Professor" in the above photo?? Damn, he's big! Sh*t, he looks like an oversized Mike Wilbon (aka, Al Roker).

Sibling Debate...Who's Hotter?

Of late, I have been seeing a lot of photos featuring both Penelope Cruz, 33, and Monica Cruz, 30.

So, let's get to it...All things considered, who's the hotter Cruz?? And, whose back would you rather break?

To clarify...in all of the tag-team photos, Monica is the shorter of two (she is also the one featured in the solo photos - as we all know what Penelope looks like).

Personally...based upon these photos, I favor Monica...but, call me old-school -- as I would kick myself forever if I bypassed the opportunity to sack Penelope. Something about her just oozes sex. Maybe it's the fact that she absolutely craves nudity scenes?

On second thought (and I know I'm nit-picking here)...enlarge that top photo, is it me or does Monica have baby front teeth (and abnormally large gums)?? There must be a reason why Monica's only work has come by way of the Spanish TV series, Un paso adelante.

Tito - 1...Boras - 0

Has anyone else read uber-agent Scott Boras' latest rant? You know, the one in which he weighs in on just many pitches his client, Daisuke Matsuzaka, should throw per game.

"I'd rather see him throw closer to 100 pitches than 120 pitches," Boras said.

First off, what a jack*ss! Who the hell died and made this clown God?? This is the same guy that recently suggested that the World Series (amongst other things) change gears and switch to a 9-game series. Such an absurd suggestion has so many negative ramifications that it amazes me that such idiocy even made print (but that, in-and-of itself, is for another blog).

Secondly, isn't Dice-K the same guy that's infamous for throwing 250 (or so) pitches in a single high school game? Now, I'm obviously not saying that such a regiment is good for anyone, but I'm sure this was one of the many selling points which Boras threw against the wind when negotiating with Theo & Co. this past offseason.

Anyways, Terry Francona provided a great comeback, a high heater so to speak...

"I've got a lot of respect for Scott, I really do," Francona said. "He can run the pitching when he let's me run the contracts, how's that? Is that a fair tradeoff?"

Call me crazy, but did Sox management just give Dice-K a $100M dollar contract??? It's clearly in everyone's best interest that Dice-K remains healthy. For that reason...keep your f'n mouth shut, Scotty! Stop talking about the World Series, Dice-K's pitch counts, and A-Rod's looming free agency. Although an incredible negotiator, you're losing respect by the minute.

As a side note...had anyone heard this tidbit about Boras? According to Wikipedia, Scott Boras was a 2B and CF who played in the Chicago Cubs and St. Louis Cardinals organizations. After four years in the minor leagues, during which he became the leader in minor league homers although he never made it above Class AA, he retired due to three knee surgeries. The Cubs paid Boras's tuition to attend law school at the McGeorge School of Law, University of the Pacific where he met Bob Davies. He steadfastly claims to hold a doctorate in industrial pharmacology, although this is extremely questionable considering that University Microfilms International Proquest Dissertations which maintains the definitive bibliographic record for over 2 million doctoral dissertations and master's theses does not contain a doctoral disseration or thesis from Scott Boras. Also, the University of the Pacific "Profiles in Leadership" biography for Scott Boras does not mention his having a doctorate in industrial pharmacology. Moreover, the Subcommittee on Commercial and Administrative Law for the United States House of Representatives during testimony provided details of every degree earned by each witness under testimony and did not mention Mr. Boras' having a doctorate.

http://www.courant.com/sports/baseball/hc-redsoxnotes0716.artjul16,0,1741029.story

NBC to Earn a "Tommy Point"?

NBC Universal Co-Chairman Ben Silverman has recently stated the following in a recent Advertising Age piece (http://adage.com/mediaworks/)...

"One show that's changing the definition of the word 'future' as it relates to Mr. Silverman is American Gladiators, the Reveille-owned cavalcade of well-oiled, padded combatants that might soon reappear on NBC after NFL football."

INCREDIBLE! Sunday Night Football and then American Gladiators??? Granted, the programming would have to start around midnight, but this is the type of progressive thinking that America needs. This combination packs a powerful punch, no matter the time slot.

On that note, why hasn't this show aired since 1996??

Malibu, Lace, Gemini, Zap, Nitro, Blaze, Hawk, etc. -- are you kidding me?? Simply Suds is "smearing sh*t on his face" (his line, not mine) as we speak.

Cue the theme song...

Strangest Picture Ever?

This photo comes courtesy of With Leather (http://withleather.com/), but I can't help but post it and add a few remarks.

Yes, the above photo is of Lisa Leslie (all 6'5" of her) and Regina King at the ESPY's, who is best noted as Cuba Gooding's wife in Jerry Maguire (character name - Marcee Tidwell).

Wow! Why is God's name would that tranny ever put herself in a position to be photographed with actual normal sized humans??? Seriously, Lisa Leslie looks like every Jamaican prostitute...only a good 12-14 inches taller. Disgusting!

And to make matters, get a load of this Lisa Leslie quote which I have located: "For me, being tall was very positive because I thought my mom was the most beautiful person ever." Huh?? B*tch, you look like AC Green.

A couple Jerry Maguire trivia notes for all you movie junkies (ok, maybe just Nightmare)...

• Based on the success of the 1996 film The Truth About Cats and Dogs, director Cameron Crowe offered Janeane Garofalo the leading female role in Jerry Maguire if she could lose weight. However, after trimming down, Garofalo learned that Renée Zellweger had won the part instead, in what was to become Zellweger's career-launching role.


• To date, the Jerry Maguire DVD is one of only two DVDs to feature commentary by Tom Cruise himself. The other is Mission: Impossible III, with director J.J. Abrams.


• A deleted scene includes Artie Lange as a sports radio host, his first movie role. Artie claims that the script called for a pause at the beginning of the scene and, after shooting two takes with the pause, Cruise became aggravated and yelled at him, saying "could we come in quicker, please!" Artie would later refer to this on the Howard Stern Show as his "biggest a-hole celebrity encounter."

Sexy vs. Weird

Ok folks, not sure what to make of this one. I found this video on www.forgetfoo.com, and I'm utterly confused and dumbfounded by it. I'll be the first to admit sometimes the line between sexy and weird is very fine. The first part is probably one of the sexiest things I've ever seen, then it just takes a turn for the worst and gets SUPER weird.

Lisa Marie Scott Makes Me Wanna Crank Off

Seriously. I think this could be the hottest chick I've ever laid my eyes on. And yes, I know I've had 56 Bud Lights tonight.....but I really don't give a sh*t. This girl is absolutely beautiful and flawless. She makes me wanna be 13 years old again, so I can ride my Huffy to the flea market and buy nudie magazines. Goddamn that b*tch is hot. I'm in love....again.


Photos courtesy of http://hollywoodtuna.com

Straight Fastball Gets It Done

Remember when this happened? The guy made a f*cking bird explode in mid air with his fastball. That's ridiculous...and needs to be remembered. Oh, and F*ck the bird. That douche bag had it coming to him for flying that low during a home game.

Number 587 Was Unbelievable

I personally watched Griffey hit his 587th career home run on the baseball package....and let me tell you....it was glorious. He passed Frank Robinson on the all-time list....and all I could think of was this poor bastard being able to stay healthy for his whole career. He has the greatest swing I've ever been able to lay my eyes on. When he hits a bomb...it's a no doubter. There is no greater satisfaction than chugging an iced cold Bud Light while Griffey rounds the base paths. Long live the guy that should be regarded as the greatest player ever to play. If it weren't for all those injuries........Barry Bonds would be an after-thought....and Griffey would be approaching 800. We love you, Griff. 89 Upper Deck for life, kiiiiiiiiiiiid. 6th all-time in home runs...and counting....keep going guyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

A Letter to Chieftain

Dear Chieftain,

I've been reading what you have been writing about me. "The Truth" is that I could care less what you think about me. I'm disgustingly rich, and loved by 90% of this city, whereas nobody cares whether or not you're breathing....or getting turned down by a girl in Club Felt or Mansion. Oh wait, you reside in the Ocean State now....so why don't you go watch the PC Friars or the Providence Bruins, rather than watch me school most of the NBA on a nightly basis.

I've seen you play hoops before Chieftain....you can be our towel boy anytime. Do you have two left feet or something?

Regards,

Paul Pierce
#34
The Boston Celtics

Should They Pay Him, Let Him Play "Franchised" for a Year.... or Let Him Walk.....

Although there have been conflicting reports today on whether or not the Patriots and CB Asante Samuel are close on reaching a long-term deal....I feel it's necessary to weigh in on the situation. Samuel said over the weekend that he doesn't plan on holding out through the entire training camp....mostly because of his franchise tag that will pay him a cool $7.79 million this season. I'd say that's a pretty decent reason to show up. Should they not sign him, the Pats would probably just franchise him again next season, and we'd have to listen to this saga all over again.

So I throw it out to you. Should they sign him to a long-term deal now? Let him play for the $7.79 million and THEN sign him/let him walk? Trade him? Personally, I trust that whatever the front office is planning to do is the right move. But I happen to think Asante Samuel is one hell of a defender, and has keen instincts on getting to where the ball WILL BE, even before the receiver. Those instincts aren't really taught, and are tough to come by in today's NFL cornerback. My vote is to lock him up at decent money now, or let him play out the season at $7.79 million and let him walk after. What's yours?

Worst Chugging Performance Ever

I'm not sure what to say about this. First of all, these clams are chugging Coronas.....which in itself is friggin disgusting. Secondly, they are listening to some of the worst f*cking music I've ever heard. Maybe they ripped down tons of "E" and the glow sticks will be coming out next. In which case I hope they at least have the audacity to share a passionate kiss or two.

Take a little longer to chug beers you losers.

Can Someone Please Hire Me....

Corey Dillon has basically been begging for a job for the past 6 months....all with zero success. Most recently, he told the media that he "liked" the Dolphins. He's also "liked" the Titans, Chiefs, Raiders, Browns, and Eagles. I actually feel bad for Corey Dillon....but he's wayyyyyyy past his prime. Two years ago, he was running over people at an alarming rate and was just an absolute beast for my beloved Pats. He's out of gas though. He's now a backup or change-of-pace back for a couple series a game. Last year, he went down on the first hit easier than I go down after my 11th Bacardi and Diet. Just retire Dillon for f*cks sake....don't embarrass yourself and stick around longer than you have to. You've got your ring.....and you pretty much did the unthinkable when you showed up to New England....you kept your mouth shut and played hard. Don't let us down.

Me and Mandy Moore Are Getting Married

That's right, folks...today is the day I've been waiting for since Mix 98.5 announced its summer concert series. In just three short hours, Mandy will be performing downstairs in the South Garden at the Prudential Center. This is my opportunity to absolutely sweep Mandy off her feet, and I'm confident that I can pull it off. I'm so confident this was meant to be that I bet by 3:00 PM, Mandy and I will be frolicking in Boston Common, sharing a few PB&J sandwiches, splitting a chocolate milk, and engaging in some french kissing and light petting. What's that I hear.....wedding bells?!?! Not to jump the gun, but if Mandy's ready to settle down....so am I. So you losers take care of yourself, and enjoy the day because by days end, people will be announcing Mandy and I as Mr. and Mrs. Norman P. Orlando.

Orlando