FIGHT NIGHT!!!

The most anticipated fight since Sugar Ray Leonard - Thomas Hearns?

Oscar De La Hoya (38-4): Bigger. Stronger. Smarter. Big-fight experience. Freddie Roach as trainer. Unbelievable left hook. Best finisher in the business. Notorious for stealing rounds. More popular. Using his "punching" gloves. Using his determined ring size. Using his determined weight class. Terribly flat-footed. Primarily a one-handed hitter. He's obviously motivated by Mayweather's trash talk, but is he as hungry as Mayweather?

Floyd Mayweather (37-0): Undefeated. Confident. Younger. Elusive. Quicker hands. Quicker feet. Unbelievable defensively. Better right hand and better uppercut. Most technically sound fighter in the game. His father was De La Hoya's trainer for 6 years (knows him inside-and-out). Extremely accurate puncher. Better jab (when he opts to use it). Lands cleaner punches. An opponent has never knocked him down. Very tender, brittle hands. This fight defines his legacy.

END RESULT: Mayweather wins by way of decision. The only way De La Hoya can win this fight is if he catches Mayweather off guard and knocks him out with his powerful left hand. And, the ONLY way De La Hoya can knock Mayweather out is if he keeps him against the ropes...and hits him hard and early. In the end, SPEED KILLS! Mayweather's instincts and counter-punching ability are too great. Bet on it.

Flashback: Boston Celtics

As one of the NBA's original teams, the Boston Celtics nearly became known as the Whirlwinds, Unicorns, and/or Olympics. Thankfully, Walter Brown finally coined the franchise as the Celtics. His rationale? The name had a recognizable basketball tradition from the old Original Celtics in New York, and the term coincided with Boston's notorious Irish population.

Long before the current state of the Celtics' fate laid in the hands of random ping-pong balls, the Celtics were a franchise of destiny. From 1957-1969, the Celtics captured 11 championships in 13 seasons, including a record 8 consecutive championships (from 1959-1966).

The lore of "Celtics Tradition" all started during this incredible run -- a run which will not be duplicated in our lifetime (any sport).

Walter Brown (Owner). Bill Mokray (Team VP). Red Auerbach (Coach & GM). Bill Russell. Tom Heinsohn. Bob Cousy. KC Jones. John Havlicek. Sam Jones. Frank Ramsey. Bill Sharman.

To put the above names in perspective, this championship run led to 8 Celtics players and 3 management figures to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. On the flip side, Larry Bird (whom last played in 1992) was the last Celtic player to turn in a Hall of Fame career.

Plain and simple, Bill Russell was the cornerstone of this dynasty. His ability to grab rebounds and block shots ignited endless fast breaks. Russell was a defense, in-and-of itself...teams could not penetrate the lane and put-backs were a thing of the past. A 5-time NBA MVP and a 12-time All-Star, the 6'9" center average 22.5 rebounds/game for his career. Bill Russell revolutionized the game of basketball.

So, how did the Auerbach and the C's land Russell in the first place?

While playing his college ball at San Francisco, Russell averaged 20.7 points and 20.3 rebounds. With the 1956 Draft approaching, Coach and GM Red Auerbach was determined to add Russell to his lineup. As currently constructed, the C's were a scoring machine offensively (led by Cousy, Sharman, and undersized center Ed Macauley)....but, were inefficient in terms of team defense and rebounding. However, there was one problem...in the '55/'56 season, the C's compiled a 39-33 record (good enough for 2nd place). Thus, in order to land Russell, a trade would be required. In the end, Auerbach coerced the St. Louis Hawks, owners of the #2 overall pick, into trading the Celtics the rights to this selection. The ransom? Ed Macauley and rookie Cliff Hagan. Although the deal resulted in a championship for the Hawks (in 1958), the same deal foreshadowed an overwhelming dynasty in Boston. Later in the SAME draft, Boston landed both Heinsohn and K.C. Jones, Russell's college counterpart.

One draft...3 future Hall of Famers selected by the same team. Are you kidding me???

In 1959, Russell's greatest rival (the greatest individual rivalry of all time...any sport -- hands down), Wilt Chamberlain, entered the league. Chamberlain was an unstoppable offensive force -- the most dominating scorer in league history (in his third season, he average 50.4 PPG...only to follow it up with a modest 44.8 PPG). Chamberlain's overall numbers dwarfed those of Russell's (forgetting free throw percentage, Chamberlain's compiled the best numbers the game has ever seen), but Russell was the one which hung 9 banners in the Garden's rafters in his first 10 seasons in the league.

As Celtics player Don Nelson once said, "There are two types of superstars. One makes himself look good at the expense of the other guys on the floor. But there's another type who makes the players around him look better than they are, and that's the type Russell was."

What became clear, during the intense rivalry between Chamberlain/Russell, was that basketball was a team game. As Russell later wrote, "To me, one of the most beautiful things to see is a group of men coordinating their efforts toward a common goal, alternately subordinating and asserting themselves to achieve real teamwork in action. I tried to do that, we all tried to do that, on the Celtics. I think we succeeded."

As I recall a past Dan Shaughnessy article, he mentioned that the Celtics never had a slick marketing machine that would churn out slogans designed to spur their continued greatness. Instead, they motivated from within. After winning the first, they wanted to prove they could repeat. Then they wanted to win one for the "Cooz", or for Walter Brown, or for Auerbach. According to Russell, "For a few years in there we couldn't think of anything special, so we won those on general principle."

Believe It

From the start of the series, they defied logic. They played small ball and ran it down Dirk's throat (for more than half a game...they, essentially, run 5 guards out there). They out-jumped, out-ran, out-shot, and out-hustled the almighty Mavericks. They should have won all 6 games. Don Nelson dominated his protege, Avery Johnson -- and, humiliated Mark Cuban in the process.

B-Diddy, J-Rich, S-JAX, and Matt Barnes are all lunatics -- they are the athletic versions of their fans. They possess the hearts of a lion...and the minds of madmen.

For what it's worth, the Warriors play street ball -- but, the interesting thing about it is that all of their main cogs have bought into it. To be honest, they aren't that good...sh*t, they went 42-40 in the regular season...and, it they were forced to win 9 of their last 10 to just squeak into the playoffs. They are playing off of sheer adrenaline and confidence, much in large part to the fans which pack the Oracle Arena.

Golden State dismantled the NBA's best team because of their own imperfections. Without ANY offensive interior presence, they are forced to run. They hardly run any half-court sets...it's organized chaos! They fastbreak, play 1-on-1 basketball on the perimeter, and can flat-out shoot the rock. The disciplined Mavericks had no answer for such a scheme -- the Mavs are built around basketball IQ, not necessarily athleticism.

The Warriors are the Suns...without an actual big man, but with a PG that actually plays defense (imagine that). Whomever they face in the 2nd Round (Houston/Utah) is up for a beast of a challenge (assuming Baron Davis' hammy is healed).

Final thought...in between games last night, Charles Barkley was heated that the Jazz had just forced a Game 7 vs. the Rockets. Why?? Because Game 7 is to be held on Saturday night -- the same night as the Mayweather - De La Hoya fight. He was visibly fuming that he could no longer attend the fight. It was hilarious, as he went on to say that's "it's only the 1st Round...who cares -- it's not like either of these teams have a fighting chance in hell to make a serious run". Sir Charles is entertainment gold!

MVP?????????????????????

Hey you drunk a$$hole. Way to choke pal. You are officially the AROD of hoops. I am done writing this article after I list your stats in a goddamn elimination game. As in...win or go home....one and done. You are a friggin' joke!

2-13 from the field

0-6 from 3-point range

Guy, you are pathetic. That's friggin' buttcheeks. Gross. Go back to Germany and hammer chicks that say dirty things in their disgusting native tounge. Then do anal, with a guy. You suck.

Will Smith Summertime

Seriously, if this song doesn't make you want to rip off your shirt or bra, and get after it....then you should just kill yourself. I don't think there is a better summer song out there. Find one. You can't. I'll give 50 bucks to anyone who can find a song that makes them want to party their a$$es off in the summer like this song. I'm actually partying right now, but not blacked out. I'm staying the course. But listening to this song, and watching the video, makes me wanna head out to my town's beach and toss shoes all day long while drinking an insane amount of Bud Lights......and before you ask....definitely they will be in a coozy, you loser. I love summer. I actually like hot chicks too. I like making out. I like sex. I like boobs. I like sexy times. I like chicks that give you fu*k me eyes all night, and then you get it done. I like meeting hot chicks. I like hot chicks. I hate guys that like men. I like girls that like girls.

When I die, I want to die in a Jeep Wrangler under the sun at the beach. Sounds morbid? Go F yourself. That's my ideal day. No chicks yapping in my ear...in fact, I'd put the whole day on mute except for my buddies, the sound a bud light makes when it opens, and the clinging of horse shoes. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...Summer, I love you....Summer, I love you....you're only a few days away. Screw you Annie. Copyright this.

Hey Vikings...Your Quarterback Sucks!!!!!!!!!!

Tarvaris Jackson's life started off quite miserably. His mother wanted to name him Travis...but, she misspelled his name on the birth certificate...and when it came back, she liked it, and kept it at Tarvaris. Ok, have you stopped laughing yet? Neither have I. Wow, there's nothing like a little effort to not fix a birth certificate that will make up an asinine name. Good looks, Mom.

How the hell can the Vikings think that this kid is going to be good at Quarterback? Did anyone watch him play? He's miserable. In 4 starts he AVERAGED 119 yards passing and 1 interception per start. He threw for a whopping 50 yards in a Thursday night game against Green Bay which made me want to pound my skull against a wall. The Vikings went 0-4 in his 4 starts. No wins. Zero. Zilch. Oh yeah, he sounds like a keeper. The guy went to Alabama State, which pretty much means he didn't play any decent teams....so he's not battle tested either. How can you pass on future stud Brady Quinn? He gives you the best chance to win right now. Sign Corey Dillon to back up Chester Taylor or give him breathers so he doesn't go down with an injury...and watch the team flourish immediately. Now you have an absolute mongaloid at QB handing it off to Adrian Peterson and Chester Copperpot Taylor. Hello, I'm no friggin' genius, but, can you say.....8 in the box. This guy might set the record for interceptions and the least amount of passing yards by a QB if he starts all 16 games. He's that bad.

Good job, Vikings. Your uniforms are purple, so I really don't give a damn about any of you half Canadian pricks anyways. Just move to Canada and ice fish and get weird with your cousins. Losers.

Quench Your Thirsty Thursday With This...

Although not all readers may approve of posts related to the Yankees (deal with it), I do realize that I must pack a powerful punch with the post which succeeds such a topic.

With no further ado (and because it's after working hours), I present you...FUNBAGS!

Marty Miller...DIE!!

Yesterday evening, the Yankees lowered the inevitible hammer on Marty Miller, the FORMER Director of Performance Enhancement. Thank God!!

Since Spring Training...four players (Matsui, Wang, Mussina, and Hughes), including three starting pitchers have strained their hamstrings. Johnny Damon, Bobby Abreu, and Andy Pettitte all have strained other muscles. Carl Pavano's ongoing tale is certain to be ripped from the headlines soon for one of the many TV doctor shows polluting the airwaves. But, when STUD Phil Hughes went down in the 7th inning of a no-hit bid on Tuesday, the time to treat the epidemic at its source had arrived.

Before Miller's hiring this season, he had next to no experience. From 1995 - 1997, Miller worked as a trainer within the Expos' minor league system. Since then, he had been working at a country club in Palm Beach Gardens -- "getting weekend athletes in weekday shape". ARE YOU F'N KIDDING ME???? This is the freakin' New York Yankees were talking about -- the same organization that EVERY organization strives to be! And, Cashman brings in Marty Miller with this pedigree. Essentially, Miller was teaching pilates and golf swings to upper class citizens for the past 8 years!

According to the NY Daily News, Miller junked many conventional strengthening programs such as arm stretching, rubber-band resistance, and some running. Wait a minute -- you had pitchers not using rubber-band resistance...WHAAAAAAT?? He even advised Pettitte to change the way he performed stomach-strengthening squats. The players laughed it all off at first, until the disabled list began multiplying like a pyramid scheme.

Last month, one player, speaking on the condition of anonymity, called Miller's stretching program "inadequate," saying that many players had started doing their own programs.

Even intercity rival, Tom Glavine (of the Mets) chirped in..."I've never seen anything like it, where one portion of their team is devastated like that. It's odd it's one area and one area having the same injuries. The first thing you look at is what everybody is doing and what's changed. Is it a coincidence? I don't know. But I'm sure they are looking for someone to blame."

As a side note...in addition to Marty Miller, Carl Pavano is also on my "hit" list. The latest prognosis relating to Pavano's woes is bad. He currently scheduled to see Dr. James Andrews in Alabama and may, in fact, require Tommy John surgery (which would wipe out this season and maybe all of next season). With this news, I can now make the bold statement that I have never hated a player more than Carl Pavano.

Get well soon, Phil Hughes. I love you!

Shakira Saves The Day

As a sense Simply Suds is going through a stage of withdrawals from alcohol, I knew I needed to find something which would immediately uplift his spirits.

With that said, enjoy. This one is for you, Simply Suds...

Must-See TV

I have a ton of blog ideas today -- however, I'm swapped at work...so, they may have to wait until later. Meanwhile, my hope is that some sleeper contributors come out of the woodwork and make up for any lost time...

Anyways, I'm jacked up for tonight! After work tonight, go home and take a nap -- do whatever it is you need to do in order to prepare yourself for tonight's Mavericks - Warriors matchup (Game 6 at 10:30 EST). This series has been one of the most entertaining series (any round) I can recall.

Golden State fans are crazy! And, rightfully so -- this is the Warriors' first playoff appearance since the '93/'94 campaign. They have waited 13 years for this event!! To make matters worse, the Warriors haven't won a playoff series since the '90/'91 season, in which they upset the San Antonio Spurs. This was the last season in which Run TMC (coined after Tim Hardaway, Mitch Richmond, and Chris Mullin) reigned supreme, as Mitch Richmond was traded to Sacramento for top draft choice, Billy Owens, in the offseason.

In Games 3 and 4, Golden State fans were all decked out in blue and yellow...they swung towels all night long. It was complete mayhem...they stood from the opening tip -- WITH EVERY SHOT WHICH WAS MADE, I honestly thought the fans were about to stampede the court. Such an incredible scene -- I had goosebumps! The only other NBA scene which could possibly compare to this was Arco Arena, when Webber and Bibby were leading the charge...but quite honestly, Golden State fans take the cake (by a wide margin).

Baron Davis (26 PPG). Jason Richardon (20.4 PPG). Stephen Jackson (20.8 PPG). These guys are flying around the court right now. Avery Johnson's defensive mindset has no answer for this dynamic trio right now. The Warriors are winning every loose ball -- and are clearly feeding off of their crowd's frenzy.

This is most likely Golden State's last chance to take home this series -- there is no way they can win a Game 7 in Dallas. However, if they do win tonight...it will go down as the greatest upset in NBA Playoffs history. Not only would a #8 seed have eliminated a #1 seed, but also look at the surrounding circumstances. Entering the playoffs, Dallas was the overwhelming favorite to win the title, as they just rattled off a 67-15 regular season record (6th best in league history) -- and were ever so close to winning the title last year. On the flip side, Golden State didn't clinch a playoff berth until the final day of the regular season.

T - 12 hours until Mark Cuban's suicide watch?? We shall see...either way, don't miss this game!

Final thought (relating to the above photos)...while teammates, how many times did Dirk and Nash "Eiffel Tower" some chick, only to "accidentally" cross swords?? Great ballplayers...but, these guys become complete h-mo's when in each other's company.

They Should Invent a Reverse DH for Coco

I would like to apologize to all the blog readers for my rant last night. Surely not having enough alcohol in my system made me wacky....as I'm used to being blacked out at 2:30am, not dead sober. Of course, I still think you're all a bunch of mallets....but that's besides the point.

I seriously think they should invent a reverse DH for Coco, where he plays the field....but, we get an extra hitter. He looks like a lost soul at the plate, and his swing is just downright brutal. If he has two strikes on him, and there is two outs....I'm already getting my fat a$$ off the couch and making that grueling 13 yard walk to the fridge to grab another brew.

Coco's glove is a different story altogether. His catches both this year and last year have been absolutely stupid. Full extension, layin it on the line....no regard for throwin' his body around. I've attempted these catches in softball, and I look more like the chubby kid that tries to slide in baseball, but just belly flops...misses the catch, and then bounces of the earth as if it were a trampoline. Those catches hurt like a bastard sometimes.....I'll let you know when I actually snag one. Coco's catch off the bat of David Wright against the Mets last year is one of the greatest catches I have ever seen in my life.....not to mention it completely saved the game and got the Sox fired up for the next few weeks.

Hats off to Coco today. I've posted about how much I hate him...and I'm still hoping he's outta here sooner, rather than later, but I do enjoy watching him making Superman catches out in the outfield. But when he's at the plate...I'd rather watch a re-run of Small Wonder.

RED FLAG!!

Who is this, you ask?? None other than the aunt of the #3 overall pick in this past weekend's NFL Draft, Joe Thomas. Simply Suds already detailed his odd antics by not attending the Draft -- instead, opting to go fishing.

How long until this wack-job has supplanted Momma McNabb in commercials???

Simply Suds is on Strike

Yup, you heard it here first. I'm not posting another blog until others step up their fu*king games and start posting $hit. Do you friggin hear me? I was the designated driver tonight....go figure that....partly due to uncircumstances that I was unaware of that made me get so blacked out all the time. But you roll with the punches and I actually had a decent time driving around blacked out people and seeing how the "other side" lives their lifestyle.

But I seriously will never post on this site again, unless we get more people on here posting decent stuff. I'm sick of nobody posting but me for a full day, because then I force the issue. And I refuse, I repeat, I refuse to waste my demented brain on useless fu*ks like all of you.

This is Simply Suds signing off.....maybe....forever. Laaaaaaaaaaaata.

99.9% of Chicks are Friggin' Lunatics

I always figured Carrie Underwood to be one of those "goody-goody" chicks that would tounge the hell out of you at a bar, but then leave you with blue balls as you walk home with a much less attractive chick at last call. So imagine my surprise when I was listening to Channel 1 on Sirius radio (don't ask why...it was just on, so deal with it) and for the first time I heard this Carrie Underwood song. When it got to the chorus, my mouth dropped. It goes a little sumthin' like 'dis....hit it........

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,

Carved my name into his leather seats.

I took a Louisville Slugger to both head lights,

Slashed a hole in all 4 tires.

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

I realize that Carrie Underwood just looks good and probably didn't write a lick of this song, but she has the "balls" to sing it, so we're gonna assume she did. What a friggin' psycho. Your boyfriend cheats on you, so you completely trash his car? Judging from your analysis....you'll need keys, a baseball bat, and a knife. Listen up honey, maybe that's why he's cheating on you in the first place.....you're a goddamn lunatic. The chick he's bangin' now probably isn't planning on trashing his car over a little hanky panky. Trashing a dude's car over cheating is a little much, no? Get over it, move on. Go to the local bar, show your ta-ta's, and go home with some other dude that's gonna get it done. You're pretty hot....why all the hostility? I'd bang ya.

Not all chicks are psycho....there is .1% of the population missing that chromosome....but, they live in the depths of the Amazon, and could not be reached for comment.

My Worst Nightmare

Naomi Campbell has recently quit drinking since she realized that she was allergic to alcohol.

“I choose not to drink today in my life because I find that I’m allergic to alcohol. I’m not someone that’s in denial of my problems and I’m not going to lie about my problems and I’m not hiding my problems. I have more energy and I have more fun than when I was drinking and I can hang out really late and get up early in the morning with no hangovers and still smile.”

Holy crap. Can you imagine what your life would be without the tranquilizing effects of a nice alcoholic beverage? Drinking is pretty much the most fun thing in the world. No? A cold beer is pretty much my version of heaven....especially if it's a tall one in a frosty mug. What the hell would college have been like without drinking 98% of the entire time I was there? No kegs? No ice luges? I might as well have cut my d*ck off too....because I wasn't really going to get laid sober. Concerts without booze? Yah right. I enjoy the 16 beers I put back before blacking out to a nice concert. The beach? The god damn beach!!!!!!!!!! A hot summer day, ice cold Bud Lights.....horse shoes???????? Oh my friggin; God. Beer pretty much makes the world go 'round. I love you beer, don't ever leave me. And screw you Bacardi, you piece of crap.

Can anyone explain to me what the hell that mutant in the photo is doing? I googled beers at the beach, and Joe Dirt somehow popped out of the woodwork. Wow....what a pervert.

Screw the Boston Media

"Papelblown"

"Perfection Long Gone"

"Wild Thing Tamed"

Just a few of the headlines from the Boston media this morning in the papers and online. Seriously, I think you are all a bunch of jerkoffs. You jump all over a guy that has been lights out, 100% perfect throughout THE ENTIRE FIRST MONTH OF THE SEASON. A friggin' 0.00 ERA, nasty stuff night in, night out. Did I mention that your closer hadn't allowed a fu*king run until last night....when someone finally swung out of their a$$ and clobbered a home run. This is exactly the reason that players come into Boston, and exit shortly thereafter. Nothing is ever good enough. The Red Sox are in first place, and had the best record in baseball for a good portion of April. Give me a freakin' break. They are one win short from being tied FOR THE BEST RECORD IN BASEBALL. Newsflash...Boston sports writers and other degenerates out there.....losses happen. Sometimes 60-80 of them in a given season to decent teams. "Your" team is 16-9....so wipe that smug look off your face before you get a Tony Soprano back hand.

Jacky Paps....keep up the good work, kid. You're a stud, and the reason the Sox are in first place to begin with. You've been a work horse so far this season. The true fans have your back. Most of the dorks writing in the media haven't played inbetween the lines. They played chess and hop-scotch in their tight shorts and tube socks. Jacky Paps for life.

If It Can Go Wrong, It Will

In light of Phil Hughes' early departure from the game last night due to injuy, I'd like to take this opportunity to officially write off the 2007 New York Yankees. As soon as the Yankees think they have something to be hopeful for on their pitching staff, Hughes goes down with a hammy injury that will likely keep him out for a month, and we all know that hamstring injuries can nag players worse than their heinous, money-grubbing wives. I say we don't see Hughes until mid to late June. I'm anticipating by then the Yanks will be battling with the Devil Rays for last place in the AL East.

So put on a sad face Yankee fans, suck your thumb, and cry me a freakin river. Its about time karma caught up with you. It looks like the deal Steinbrenner made with the devil in the early 1970s had an expiration date of April 2007. But there is one happy camper in the Yankee clubhouse....thats right folks......Mr. Wonderful.....A-ROD. He's on cloud nine, just having come off a record-setting April as his team fell lower and lower in the standings. Reports coming out of NY say that after Steinbrenner blasted the team in the news, A-ROD requested a special meeting with the boss just to make sure none of his comments were directed at him. A-ROD ended the meeting with this question to old Georgie boy "We're still friends right?". What a pickle.

Hot Chicks and Super Bowl Rings

Yes, Tom Brady has hammered his fair share of models and actresses....and yes, Tom Brady has 3 Super Bowl rings....and yes, Tom Brady is probably in Venice having unprotected sex with Gisele....because that's what Champions do. Well, according to a story that ESPN broke after 6 PM tonight.....Tom is thirsty for another title. Brady restructured his contract so that Randy Moss could be moved quickly to the Patriots....before the Packers and Brett Favre could snag him. Brady won't take a pay cut, but will likely shift some money around with either bonuses, or other parts of his current deal.

Good for you, Tom. There's nothing I'd like to do more than throw up on myself in Arizona when I personally watch you win a Super Bowl. I'm gonna get so god damn drunk...I'll probably end up giving verbal to Warren Sapp as I wet my drawers. I can't wait for Arizona.....the temperature is going to be hot.....with thousands of hot chicks.....Arizona.....Arizona State. I'll go deep in a Wildcat or Sun Devil.....maybe I'll even try anal. Suds says....."See you at the SuperBowl, bit*hes."

I Used to Love Them Red Heads

Because my mind works in obviously demented ways, I sit here at 12:30 AM about to watch the Sopranos and Entourage because at that time on Sunday, I was blacked out of my tits at some bar not even realizing all the horrendous, creepy stuff that came out of my mouth to a girl that I actually thought I might have a chance with.

For some reason, Lindsay Lohan popped into my mind. Maybe it's the 4th Diet Pepsi I drank, or maybe I'm having an acid flash back from High School....I just don't know. Then, I got really angry. It's ok to make fun of me on this one, I'll take the heat...but, Lindsay Lohan was a stupid piece of a$$ when she did the Herbie movie and the Mean Girls movie about chicks that like to get stuffed and spend daddy's money. Why did I see these two movies at some point in my life???? None of your damn business. Maybe I had a girlfriend that liked to watch retarded movies that made me want to stick the pen I was using to write down all my losing bets in my eye socket, or maybe I was horny and didn't have anything better to watch at 12:30 AM on a Tuesday night.

None of that matters. What happened to this broad? In 2002, she was dope....especially with red hair, which means you know she'll completely dominate any of you two pump chumps in the sack. Now, I see better looking girls pumping gas, and doing gas. What a waste of a red head with ginormous cans. If you don't think she was hot 5 years ago, you're gay. Seriously, like the kind that takes it in the can.

Lindsay.....put away the blow and start eating again. I'm sure your downstairs area is probably shaped sideways at this point....but, if you could at least look hot again....guys will still fantasize about you after 16 beers when their noodle goes soft. You who-ah.

NBA Wives (Part II)

Now, this is more like it -- along with Kobe and Peja's wives (see below post), these chicks should be the standard for all incoming professional athletes (yes - I'm talking to you, Brady Quinn)...

• Top photo - Richard Jefferson with his goddess of a wife.
  
• Second photo from top - Dan Dickau's wife. While picking splinters from his a$$ during his time as a Portland Trial Blazer (during the '03 - '04 season), Dickau somehow landed this bombshell. It's worth noting that Dickau scored 2.2 points/game that year (in 6.8 minutes per contest). I'm slitting my wrists as I write this...
  
• Third photo from top - Elsa Benitez. THE AWARD WINNER. Benitez, 29, is a Mexican supermodel. She has long modelled for Victoria's Secret -- and in 2001, she graced the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Her ex-husband?? None other than Rony friggin' Seikaly (see #4 in bottom photo). Yeah, you ain't kiddin'...that Rony Seikaly. They wed in 1999, only to be divorced in 2005.

Staying With The Boxing Theme (ALI)...

As the weekend approaches, it is my mission to force you all to watch this Saturday's Mayweather - De La Hoya fight.

It's the last great fight that we will see for a long, long time. Coincidentally, it's expected to be Mayweather's last fight of his career. If he wins (and he will), he will improve to 38-0...and will ride into the Las Vegas sunset while holding belts at 5 different weight classes.

While Muhammad Ali is recognized as the "Greatest of All Time"...with an impressive performance on Saturday, Mayweather would have a legitimate argument as the greatest "pound-for-pound" fighter of all-time.

Isiah & Tyra...To Be Messes Together?

On the heels of a rumored relationship, via the New York Post, between Isiah Thomas and Tyra Banks (both of whom are FAR beyond their prime in their respective professions)...it got me pondering the significant others of some other NBA stars.

Some of the players' which I searched have "settled down" with dimes (see Kobe Bryant - top photo; Peja Stojakovic - see 2nd photo from top; Scottie Pippen; Kevin Garnett), while others (Tim Duncan, Shane Battier, and the Caron Butler's of the world)...well, I'll leave that up to you.

Yet, the oddest pairing...none other than 2-time MVP Steve Nash and his wife, Alejandra. Wasn't he notorious for dating celebrities before locking it down with Alejandra? What is that?? "She" is bigger than he is...and check out the jaw line! I'm dumbfounded...

Smuggest Toddler Wins???

As this post is sure to get Simply Suds riled up, I felt compelled to blog about the story...

On April 28th...at the Sensoji temple in Tokyo, a "Baby Cry Off" was held. Get this...84 toddlers born in 2006 took part in this absurd event. Supposedly, the purpose of the event is to pray for the babies' health and growth. And to make matters EVEN better...amateur sumo wrestlers (why?????) are designated to hold said toddlers, as each attempted to cry louder than the other.

So, my question is...when does this become the next event to be held in Mike Vick's backyard?

I Present to You...Floyd "Pretty Boy" Mayweather

Floyd Mayweather...THE QUICKEST MAN ALIVE!

Turn your speakers up!

If you've missed the first 3 (of 4) episodes of 24/7 (the HBO reality TV show which follows around both Mayweather and De La Hoya), then you have missed out on unbelievable television.

Mayweather is a menace - and he knows it! He's one of a few individuals which I can honestly say has a bigger ego than myself.

Grow a Set, Miggy

I can assure you that if I was Miguel Tejada, the last thing I would do would be "absolutely nothing" if I was thrown at for a second time in the game and then was called out to charge the mound by Jeremy Bonderman. Is Tejada really this big of a woosey that he's worried about getting a running start at Bonderman? He has 60.5 feet to think about what karate, haymaker, or whatever he wants to use. I don't care if he Izzy Alcantara's him.....do something Tejada.....anything....you jerk. You stood there holding a bat, real tough buddy. Even a deflated Pudge got in your face, and you stood there like a deer in headlights. That's a joke. Stand up for yourself, or maybe the fact that you don't stick needles in your keester anymore has turned you into quite a softy.

On a side note, I would have paid money to see Sheffield charge Daniel Cabrera last night. Two absolute beasts battling it out like Nitro vs. Zap in American Gladiators "Breakthrough and Conquer."

Tyson Kicks Off Our Coverage of Mayweather - De La Hoya

This video of Mike Tyson, an all-time favorite of THE WIN COLUMN, is just the beginning of a series of forthcoming posts and analysis relating to the upcoming Floyd Mayweather - Oscar De La Hoya fight (this Saturday evening).

If this video doesn't get your blood pumping, then I must question if you have a live pulse!

After viewing this clip, I suspect you will no longer require your usual morning coffee today. Instead, you may have the urge to kick your boss' office door down...

I Wanna Talk to Samson

I want to talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that Bit*h, Alice Kramden!

Long live Sir Smoka Lot.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-8v6Em3ib0&mode=related&search=

Someone Toss This Skank Over a Bridge

What a mess!!!!!!!!!!

Stat of the Night

Jose Reyes, 23 years old, swiped his 17th bag (in 20 attempts) tonight. At this rate, Reyes is on pace to steal 114 bases on the year. Now...obviously, Reyes is not going to maintain this pace - and won't hit triple digits on the year...but it's worth noting, considering that it's getting no pub (outside of fantasy circles). On the year (thru tonight), Reyes has reached base a total of 53 times (16 of which have gone for extra bases -- in turn, he has registered 37 total singles + walks). Thus, nearly half the time Reyes reaches first base (either via a single and/or walk), he has turned his single/walk into two bases. Already recognized as one of the more exciting players in the game...in just his third full season, Jose Reyes is in the process as clearly cementing himself as one of baseball's best.

...which brings me to my next stat -- also at the age of 23 (in 1982), Rickey Henderson stole 130 (in 172 attempts) bases while with the Oakland A's. What makes Henderson's feat that much more amazing is that he ONLY had 143 hits during this same season (granted, he was a walk machine -- 116 walks on the year). Sh*t, Henderson stole 37 bases at the age of 40...only to follow it up with 36 steals as a 41-year-old (not even as an everyday player). Amazing.

The 2nd Worst Team in the AL, 3rd Worst in Baseball...

Is the New York Yankees. Wow. They only have one more win than the Royals and the Washington Nationals. That is the best thing I've read all day. I really didn't realize they were playing this bad. AROD's pouting somewhere right now with his purple lips and "Hip Hip" Jorge is probably in Harlem trying to buy hookers. Words can't describe how much I enjoy watching the Yankees lose, and watching Joe Torre look like he's about to collapse from exhaustion.

Carry on Yankees. Enjoy the basement. The only basement worth being in is my parent's basement while in High School where everyone gets their own section to try and suck face.

2007 American League Standings
EAST	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA
Boston	16	8	.667	-	7-3	9-5	125	84
Toronto	13	12	.520	3.5	7-7	6-5	129	106
Baltimore	12	14	.462	5	7-6	5-8	113	120
Tampa Bay	11	14	.440	5.5	5-6	6-8	126	162
NY Yankees	9	14	.391	6.5	6-6	3-8	131	125
CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA
Cleveland	14	8	.636	-	8-3	6-5	115	104
Minnesota	14	11	.560	1.5	7-7	7-4	115	104
Detroit	14	11	.560	1.5	6-6	8-5	127	118
Chicago Sox	12	11	.522	2.5	5-7	7-4	95	97
Kansas City	8	17	.320	7.5	4-7	4-10	98	129
WEST	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA
LA Angels	14	11	.560	-	11-3	3-8	110	101
Seattle	10	10	.500	1.5	6-6	4-4	90	103
Oakland	12	13	.480	2	6-7	6-6	95	89
Texas	10	15	.400	4	6-4	4-11	118	145
2007 National League Standings
EAST	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA
Atlanta	16	9	.640	-	7-4	9-5	134	117
NY Mets	15	9	.625	.5	6-6	9-3	132	84
Florida	12	13	.480	4	7-7	5-6	143	141
Philadelphia	11	14	.440	5	6-7	5-7	123	121
Washington	8	17	.320	8	4-10	4-7	78	134
CENTRAL	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA
Milwaukee	16	9	.640	-	8-4	8-5	117	114
Pittsburgh	12	12	.500	3.5	5-6	7-6	86	106
Cincinnati	12	13	.480	4	6-7	6-6	109	109
Houston	10	14	.417	5.5	4-7	6-7	99	104
Chicago Cubs	10	14	.417	5.5	4-9	6-5	112	91
St. Louis	10	14	.417	5.5	3-9	7-5	82	111
WEST	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA
LA Dodgers	15	10	.600	-	6-6	9-4	120	92
Arizona	15	11	.577	.5	9-5	6-6	107	107
San Francisco	12	11	.522	2	6-5	6-6	84	85
San Diego	13	12	.520	2	6-5	7-7	113	103
Colorado	10	15	.400	5	6-7	4-8	101	121

If You Weren't A Foot Taller Than Me, I'd Ball Tap You

You know what really chaps my a$$....thinking about how this dildo went sport fishing instead of going to the NFL draft. We had to watch this mammoth bastard reel in tunas and mermaids and all that other good crap. So, not only is he a rich prick now, he pretty much spit in the face of the NFL.

Buddy, you couldn't go fishing next weekend? Next week you could have cashed in your pay check and rented a friggin' yacht....and thrown a Shaq type party with hookers and booze, and drugs for all the people who feel like gettin' weird. What a crap move this was. Normally, I wouldn't care where this big, dumb whale spent his Saturday afternoon. But it's the NFL draft. And when you go #3 overall....you go to the Draft, wait 30 minutes, and then hold that Cleveland Browns jersey in front of your fat torso. What a loser.

You're Always on my Mind

I'd like to send a birthday shout out to the red-headed stranger himself, Willie Nelson. Throughout his life, he's been screwed, blued, and tattooed in every way possible by the government. Its ranged from getting hunted down because he enjoys the squiff, or sending him a bill for $16.7 Mil in back taxes in 1990 (I know what you're thinking Suds, just another hippie that doesn't want to pay taxes.....relax he paid the debt off in '93 and is currently paying your salary). Throughout the adversity, Willie has managed to stay sober long enough to establish Farm Aid, serve on the advisory board for NORML, and define our culture's vision of the American troubadour. Oh, yea....he also starred in "Red Headed Stranger" with this chick (Morgan Fairchild). So congrats Willie, keep touring the country in your biodiesel bus and happy trails. Enjoy a 'j' on us tonight.