Everybody's Doing It....

PGA legendary golfer Gary Player announced to the media that he knows of at least one golfer that has used steroids...and he's urging the PGA to immediately impliment a random drug testing program, so that the sport isn't tarnished. Said Player....

"One guy told me -- and I took an oath prior to him telling me -- but he told me what he did and I could see this massive change in him," Player said. "And somebody else told me something I also promised I wouldn't tell, that verified others had done it."

Alright....who's on the sauce? Fess up. Maybe it's the guy that looks like he's jacked out of his t*ts in the tee box, or the guy that punches his caddy in the neck for giving him the wrong read on the green. I'm calling bullsh*t here. Maybe some dude took a cycle to deal with injuries or stamina....but there definitely isn't a steroids problem in golf. Gary Player can go to hell. Now, he gets to be the focal point of conversation for a few months, whereas before nobody could give two sh*ts about whether or not he won the Masters in 1961 or took a Phil Mickelson 7-Iron to his forehead. He's like 97 years old, with wrinkly, old balls.

Hey Gary....go sit on your driver, you loser.

Congrats to Tiger

I completely forgot to congratulate Tiger Woods on having his first child, a girl named Sam over the weekend. Frankly, I don't give a rat's a$$ about Tiger Woods, or how he spends his $110 million dollars annually, but at least he mustered up enough courage to not pull out of his smoke show of a wife....because I would have done the same. Looks-wise, she is so out of his league it's not even funny. It's right there on the same level as the heinous kid in college that walks into the cafe with the ridiculously hot girlfriend. You eat your breakfast, your lunch, and your dinner wondering how the hell that kid pulled such a piece of yum-yum in the first place. There's two possible explanations for this phenomenon.........he's got an enormous hammer stashed in his drawers, or his family has bank accounts with a serious amount of 0's at the end.

Cheers to you, Elin. I know you have a ton of money on your own from selling Ricola in your country....but damn girl....you are a friggin' smoke show. Good for you for having little Tiger Woods with your tiny bod......Tiger is a lucky a$$ son of a bitch. Sweden must be a hidden gem for hot chicks. I propose a Win Column field trip to see how much blond hair I can get in my teeth, finger nails, and pubes. CSI ain't got $hit on me.

Angel's Dust

To all you a**clowns out there who claim that golf is not a sport, I am sad to report that you couldn't be more right after what the golfing world witnessed this past weekend. As the 2007 U.S. Open at Oakmont came to a close yesterday, Angel Cabrera, sporting a level of pudge that only 'Suds can pull off with success, held off an absolutely cut-up Tiger Woods, who was rocking some Nike Dry-fit gear that only the strippers at Cheaters could squeeze into after getting all lubed up in the "VIP Room". Really, I'm not usually one to ogle over a dude in spandex, but Tiger is jacked. Not only did Cabrera hold off Woods though, he basically sh%t on all you 20 handicappers with a gym membership. On the 72nd and final hole of the tournament, Cabrera smoked a drive down the middle. Shortly thereafter, he reached his Argentinian bearclaws into his golfbag only to emerge with pack of smokes. This guy proceeded to rip a heater on the final hole of the Open! WTF?!?!? Judging by his deep complexion, and overall womanizing looks, they were probably friggin' menthols too. What an animal. Do you think MJ ever hacked heaters in the huddle of game seven of the NBA Finals? How 'bout Peyton Manning smokin' cloves (as only such a woman would do) on the sidelines knowing he has to go in and run a two-minute drill? Never. As I am an avid golfer, it pains me to say this, but golf is not a sport - it's a game. Angel Cabrera proved that today.