The Win Column: On Assignment

Due to the recent shocking news of our very own Simply Suds 'hanging them up', our fearless leader, Chieftain, deployed me to Plymouth in hopes of getting to the matter of just why Suds was let go of his painting job which, in essence, plunged him into the pit of despair in which he currently resides.

The above picture was taken from the worksite the very next day after Suds was fired. After doing a little nosing around, I found out that this was the identical task Sudsie was asked to perform that resulted in his justified denial. Further, when I tried to get some questions answered from the foreman of this worksite, I was abrasively met with a fist in my face while the guy yelled at me to take "me and my freakshow elsewhere"!

While dodging the fists of fury, I managed to get a word in edge-wise and told the foreman that this wasn't the last he'd heard of me because I was reporting him and his 'freakshow' to OSHA and was, subsequently, run out of town.

Moral of the story....Suds, this guy's an A-hole and it wasn't your fault for getting fired! All is not wrong with the world!! We'll help you work through this pal. Who's with me?

Orlando

I'd Like to Announce My Retirement

That's right folks, Simply Suds is hanging up his spikes from The Win Column. I woke up this morning with absolutely no ambition to blog....in fact, I woke up this morning and really didn't look forward to anything besides the girl that isn't even hot, but somehow manages to give me a little chubby in the morning when I make that miserable mile and a half drive to Dunkin' Donuts to get my iced coffee. Suds has hit rock bottom. He has a lot of soul searching to do over the next few weeks to try and dig himself out of the shallow grave that the month of July left him in. Two catastrophic injuries, a loss in the softball playoffs after making a Kirk Gibson like recovery from a mangled hand, and now getting canned from a painting job that a bunch of junkies and people that belong behind bars somehow manage to hold on to.....was just the final straw. Hopefully, I will someday return with stories of pissing some helpless girl's bed, or staying up until the sun rises getting weird in somebody else's hot tub....but until that time....I bid you all farewell.

To my fellow Win Column teammates....keep fightin' the good fight. Tell tales of naked chicks, hot chicks, smut, boobs, a$$es, and everything else the perverts that read this site thirst for. I want Red Sox fans to $hit on Yankees fans, and vice versa. I want stories about how Randy Moss and the Big Ticket have rejuvenated the city's thirst for the greatest sport on earth, and a sport that I could care less about.

It's been real and it's been fun. See you all in hell.

Faux Pas

Fellas, as the dog-days of summer approach, the commute to work takes on a whole new meaning. Whether you take the T, the bus, drive, or walk to work, it’s likely you’re gonna cut a sweat at some point. However, that’s what the AC is for when you get to the office. Do not let the heat impinge on your dignity and make you resort to wearing bowling-alley-style threads. Please—I beg you—do not make the same mistake the two choads above did. Lose the short sleeve dress shirt. I can’t emphasize this enough. A short sleeve dress shirt, with or without a tie, makes you look like a turkey. In my opinion, you lose all credibility the second you put it on. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can pull it off with success. I know it gets hot out there, and we certainly don’t all have the luxury of creeping out girls at the beach with Suds Monday through Friday, but stick to the long sleeves if you have any self-respect. I'll be back with some thoughts on linen shirts later in the week.

It's Birthday Week....And I Took the Week Off From Work and Life

Some of you might be wondering where 'Suds has been over the past few days, and some of you might not give a damn if I'm even breathing or dead in an alley....but that's all good. I've decided to go on tour after taking the teacher's test on Saturday....which I feel good about. I've pretty much been loaded ever since, and since it's my birthday week, I don't see any reason to slow down. I'm fully moved into a new place, and I had a serious day at the beach today, which I will do all over again tomorrow when I wake up out of my Bud Light hazy fog. This week also celebrates the last week I can technically claim unemployment....unless I am granted an extension....so, I figured I'd thank the Local and State government by taking the week completely off of work. All I really feel like doing is drinking beer, throwing horse shoes, fishing, and playing softball. So I guess you can say that my week will pretty much stay the same as any other week for me.

I'd like to mention that there was an insane amount of cliggity clam at the beach today. Tomorrow, I am predicting even more c*nt to be there. That's the beauty of wearing sunglasses. Most girls have no idea that I am giving them serious f*ck-me eyes behind these Hollywood shades. Too damn bad, girls. If you didn't have huge hammers sticking out of those bikinis, and a$$es that wouldn't quit, I wouldn't bother thinking creepy thoughts about you. But you do, and, thus, I do.

Thank you to all you tax paying degenerate losers for supporting me over the past 7 months as I looked for work and worked cash jobs to make more money than most of you jerks per week. Who would have thought that the Liberals would have developed such a great system!

Give Me 50 Push Ups or It's Your A$$

Well, Simply Suds is off to substitute a gym class for the first time. I'm gonna keep this post short and sweet. If I have any say in the matter today, we'll be playing slaughter house until kids are black and blue. I may even throw the "money" ball out there to the biggest kid. For those of you that don't know...the "money" ball is the most inflated basketball, which can cause quite a bit of damage. Maybe we'll have a pull-ups test. Maybe I'll just tell stories about what being a star high school athlete is all about. I can do whatever the damn I want. Actually, we're gonna go right out to the 50 yard line and do up-downs before an intense game of flag football, without the flags, full contact.

You have a do-do in your pants? Too bad, get down and give me 20!

A Message to the Employed

Well, it has come time to officially call this the summer of Lytedogg. I realize you bums have a long weekend coming up, but I have a bit of an extended long weekend.

I got laid off today...again...for the second time in a little over a year...from the same company. Pretty impressive right?

How jealous are all of you sh*t bums? Tomorrow, I am hitting the links for 18. What are you doing? Oh working?... HAHAHAHA... I'll be thinking of you after I slurp down my 12th brewski on the 4th hole. Guess what, I'll still shoot an 85.

I figure after my severance package (4 months full pay, full benefits) runs out, I'm gonna get myself some unemployment checks, for say 6 months. By then, I will have probably hit the lottery...don't worry, I won't forget about the "The Win Column". I just might not have enough time between my rounds of golf, my afternoon drinking sessions, and my traveling back and forth to and from Ft. Myers.

I hope everyone has an awesome day at work...and stay tuned to my new posts..."A Message From the Unemployed".

Now if you'll excuse me, I have several shots poured that won't drink themselves. Peace...

Work is for the Birds

This morning, I take my first step back into the working ring since November 11th. I plan on landscaping for 8 hours today in the freezing cold drizzle - and, hopefully, I don't catch SARS or any other of the viruses you all wish I catch.

So F all of you, 'cause me and all my brothers above are going to scape the hell out of some land - and, hopefully, wolf down about 56 steak 'n cheese subs for lunch. Keep talkin'....and I'll even throw an egg 'n cheese on a sesame bagel down my fat throat before I even hit the job site....hell, I might even swallow it whole.

See you in the trenches, fellow workers. Enjoy your miserable, worthless days that you call your lives.

A Thirst for Life, Love, and Happiness

I recently had an awakening.....like Robert DeNiro when he shiverred all over that movie. I decided that Simply Suds had a calling in life....a real mission. I'd like to announce this to the world. I am throwing my hat into the ring of life that is...the working world. I'm going to be a teacher. Sure, that might mean I pissed away a 120K degree in finance/economics to fight 8th graders....but who gives a damn. I'm gonna teach smut to the world....and then ruin some kids day by being an absolute dickhead of a coach as soon as the bell rings. Too tired to do up/downs? Too dehydrated to hit that popsicle sled? Did you really just miss the cut off man in outfielder drills? Guess what you smug little 16 yr old prick. You might have a smokin hot girlfriend that you drill all the time in your parent's basement....but when you are on my watch.....I want you to pretend like this is Hoover High. Carpe Diem. Seize the day you ungrateful bastard. Cuz when you are 25 years old....you'll wish you could do a brake stand in the high school parking lot in your 1989 Chevy Blazer while listening to Dave Matthews Jimi Thing.......all while realizing you're half man, half god.