Testosterone Thursday = CAT FIGHT

As we switch gears from cougars, I should note that this cat fight actually got my competitive juices flowing. For two chicks going at it, this ranks right at the top.

The girl in the black pants is gully! She did what she was supposed to (she let her opponent attack first, and capitalized on her miscues)...and executed her plan to a tee.

The punch that won it for her? The hit she landed 13 seconds in. The other girl never recovered.

Lastly, what's better...a party in the woods or a fight in the woods? Ahhhhh, high school...

Say It Ain't So....Maria !!!!

I happen to think that Adam Levine from Maroon 5 is a friggin' loser. I think his band sucks, and every song I ever hear from them on the radio sounds the same. Throw in the fact that he looks like he hasn't eaten since 1998, and it makes me want to strangle him through the TV. All that being said, I realize this guy gets laid more than eggs. Jessica Simpson, Natalie Portman, and most recently....tennis star Maria Sharapova. Well, Adam just couldn't keep his mouth shut. He tells about how awful Maria was in the sack in the upcoming issue of Exile Magazine, a Moscow based alternative magazine. This is painful fellas....

MOSCOW (Context) - The former lover of tennis star Maria Sharapova, Maroon 5's frontman Adam Levine, revealed yesterday why he broke off their brief romance.

"She wouldn't make any noise during sex," Levine said. "I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration.' It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."

So the girl that screams as if she's being shot when she hits a tennis ball, doesn't even make a peep in the sheets when she's getting pounded? Either Adam Levine isn't doing something right, or Maria Sharapova has to be the biggest poser of all time. Then again, she'd probably be silent with me too, so who am I to throw stones.

"Side Out" With These Bunnies...

In response to Ridin' Dirty's (newly added contributor!) volleyball rumblings, I'm assuming he's referring to Kerri Walsh (the abnormally tall glass of water) and her partner, Misty May -- who is married to Florida Marlins catcher Matt Treanor (career .237 hitter with 4 career HR's).

With that said, I wholeheartedly agree with Ridin' Dirty. Yes, this combo is obviously good, as it seems they win every beach volleyball tournament (they teamed up to win the Gold Medal in the 2004 Olympics). But, let's be serious...this combo isn't going to put butts in seats -- at least not the casual fan.

So again, back to Ridin' Dirty's original point...I, too, want to see America market the above a$$es. Truth be told, I have no idea who these a$$es belong to -- and that, my friends, is a problem in-and-of itself.

Sex sells...

The Survey SAYS......

I just took a survey and it seems that the vast majority of women's athletic sports fans are either 10-14 year old girls or 30+ lesbian bull dykes. This intrigued me, so I did a some classic investigating during what my employer calls "A time" (see JMO for explanation). Here is what I came up with.

I would absolutely watch women sports if girls like this were showcased....

Natalie Gulbis of the LPGA: Just won her first tournament. I bet you are thinking the same thing I am: "I wish I was a flag stick right now or paid more attention to the Evian Masters this past weekend."


Franziska van Almsic: Multiple Olympic medal winning German Swimmer. They were too god damn busy talking about the Olympic Square bomber during the Atlanta games, rather than showing Franziska showering after her meet.

AnaPaula Mancino: Brazilian professional volleyball player. The volleyball I see on TV is always showing that tall girl who is BRUTAL looking and her 42-year-old dried out partner. If I'm going to watch women's volleyball, then AnaPaula deserves a bye in every round, ensuring that she automatically makes the finals.

So if I was a marketing/advertising TV executive/guru, which I think I should be, I would be tossing a$$ like this all over the screen! Unless, of course, you are a brutal looking biker dyke that thinks this is degrading to women. I bet I could get you all to watch whatever f^cking sport these goddesses of beauty were playing or doing.

So guys, take a look at your TV guide to see when one of their next event is. Get yourself a bottle of Jergen's, a box of tissue or sock, and a 12 pack of American beer and enjoy!

The new survey would say...get these a$$es on TV immediately!