The Best Pitcher In Baseball as of July 6th, 2007

That's right, I said it. You have a problem with that? I don't really see how you could, unless you live in a cave or have a mushroom tattoo stamped on your forehead. Your AL All-Star Game starting pitcher has some serious stats.....

12-2
3.44 ERA (which is exceptional for an AL East pitcher)
92 K's in 102 innings pitched

Of course, I could bore you with some WHIP or K/BB stats...but let me tell you, you don't need them. Beckett is taking the mound this season with a purpose. He is completely locked in and lights out when he grabs the ball every 5th day. I'm glad I have degenerate friends that put $100 on Beckett last night to possibly lose $300....but, it really was a no-brainer bet. Combine that with the fact they probably had already had 12 Bud Lights....they probably would have bet on the over/under on Hazel Mae's bra size. I'd like $50 on the over, please.

Can Someone Throw a Chicken Wing Into My Fat Mouth????

SD Padres -125 over the Arizona Diamondbacks.


I'm looking to bounce back from a bad pick last night. Who knew that Washburn could even go nine innings...that's friggin' pathetic...the A's had more swing and misses than the retard that tried to fight me in seventh grade for making the do do do do do circus song, 'cuz he hated clowns. How'd that righty nighty treat you, pal? You cost me a trip to Camp Bournedale where I could have looked at smut in my sleeping bag.

Moving on...Livan Hernandez is pitching tonight, and he's a fat piece of crap that throws puss. He pitched 1000 innings in his glory days, and that shoulder and arm are tired.....from stuffing endless amounts of KFC into his fat head.

Take the Padres tonight -125, as Hernandez will be eating hot dogs and sausages while on the $hitter by the 5th inning. He may even get Applebees curb side delivery right to the club house so he can wash down his steak with some jalepeno poppers. He's gonna get spanked!!!! Chris Young can still be an effective pitcher...and he will be tonight. The Padres win by at least 4 here. Take 'em, and pay me, or pay a hooker, since that's the only tail you'll probably get.

Even Though I'm Late....I'll Still Go 6-0 in Locks of the Day

I missed the 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM games...but have no fear, my pick is here.


Oakland A's -127.....because I said so. Bitche$.

The Eye of The Tiger

Quick thought of the night....

When I hear this Survivor song, I feel like punching myself in the face 50 times just to prove the theory of "no pain, no gain." Is there seriously a better song to get pumped up to? I can't seem to think of one. I'd do push-ups in piles of horse $hit to this song, and enjoy it. Hell, I'd even smear the horse crap on my face to show you all that I meant business. Maybe I'd eat it too.....you friggin' losers. I hope you don't think I like any of you. You're all meaningless, degenerate bastards.

I hope you all have miserable days. By the way, I'm 5-0 on my locks of the day, and Chieftain can eat my a$$ with his baseball knowledge. Hop on the bandwagon, Chieftain....you're team is in shambles!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everybody Wang Chung'd tonight in Tampa. The entire Devil Rays team is currently getting steamers from the Buccaneers cheerleaders....and they're all probably hung like horses too. Carl Crawford and Rocco Baldelli are practicing for the double penetration Olympics. F all of you.

Looking to go 5-0 on my Locks of the Day

A good win by the Indians last night to bail me out. Much thanks to "Pronk" and the boys for getting the W in extra innings. A lot of people aren't going to like my lock of the day today....but I am going with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays at +155 to get another W against the struggling Yankees tonight. Wang is on the hill for the Yankees in his season debut....I have to think his control will be off, and he'll miss some spots....plus, he'll be on a limited pitch count in his debut. Crawford, Baldelli, and Delmon Young will have a field day when Wang makes a mistake. Sure, the Yankees could hit Kazmir as well....but he's a stud....and studs get it done when it counts.

Go Devil Rays!

Currently 3-0....Another Easy Lock of the Day

The Cleveland Indians are +108 against the Twins in Minnesota today. The only thing you need to know is that Carlos Silva is pitching against the Indians....and he is the most terrible pitcher I've ever seen. I can't even imagine how many runs the Indians are going to score. Hafner and Sizemore will dominate this lefty hitter vs. righty pitcher matchup. Carlos Silva is that bad. He should be sticking his fat greasy head in boiling french fry grease while some other boob hands me my quarter pounder con queso.

How Sweep It Is

Are you ready Yankees? You're gettin friggin swept today. Dice-K is gonna be liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiights out. And, thus, I am making him my lock of the day.

It's gyro ball time!!!!!!!!

Fighting Puke This Lovely Morning

Alright, so maybe someone had to drive my car home from the concert last night....I don't really see any problem with this. One, I was loaded...so obviously I shouldn't be driving....and two, I just saw one of the greatest concerts I've ever seen in my life. Oh and three.....getting text messages from all you mutts with live updates and scores regarding the Sox beating the choke artist Yankees.....much love for that.

So rather than write a post about my concert, or the Sox/Yanks game....I'm just gonna go vomit excessively, then drive 13 seconds down the road in a cold sweat to get off on a mocha madness iced coffee from Honey Dew. Hopefully the girl serving me the coffee will be of legal age, and won't mind that today I feel like driving my car with no pants on.

Lock of the Day (1-0): Minnesota Twins (-125) at the KC Royals. Boof Bonser's a stud, get on the Boof Bandwagon, and ride it until you go limp.

Clickety, Clank, Clickety, Clank....Money goes in to Your Piggy Bank

Since I haven't placed a bet in well over 2 months....and the gambling Gods chirp in my ear on a daily basis for me to place a small wager, or a whacker....I've decided to provide the world with some insight on my sure thing "winner winner chicken dinner" of the day. I honestly hope some of you listen to my advice, bet a decent amount of money on it, and lose. But that's only because I'm a spiteful prick.

Cleveland Indians (-177) over the D Rays tonight in Tampa. C.C. Sabathia is pitching against Edwin Jackson tonight. That's all you really need to know. Jackson is horrible....I'm talkin I'd rather have Mohammed Ali on the mound doin' the hippy-hippy shake. The guy has an ERA over 8, and he only has 4 strikeouts in 2 starts. In fact, the Indians might score double digit runs tonight....their lineup is filthy. "Pronk" Hafner will go deep tonight...once in the ball game, and once again at at night club on the Tampa strip.

Take the Indians....it's a lock.

the swings of baseball

as i sat in my cubicle clicking refresh every 15 seconds, i found myself thinking about how i'm not the one to blame for me being down boatloads of money this week. i put the blame on the men and women, probably men, who made the schedules for the baseball season this year, and every year for that matter. do they really expect me to not bet on daytime baseball during the week? am i expected to sit back and click refresh just for the love of the game?..........my response to that is absolutely not. there is nothing like being in a cubicle where no one can see you biting your nails 'til they bleed, swearing under your breath, and thinking terrible thoughts of punching the wall so hard the cubicles collapse and kill the fat bastard old man sitting next to me. these are the joys of my day. the best part of my day came when i left my cubicle to go to a meeting with the marlins up 6-1 in the 6th inning against the lowly and embarrassing nationals. anibal sanchez was pitching a gem, of course, so i figured i could at least split my bets (aj burnett is the anit-christ.....i took the bjays). well i happened to return just in time for the 9th to watch jorge julio, the big dumb f*cking dominican prick, blow a 2-run lead and lose in the 9th, officially putting me on suicide watch. so, my point is that i should not be held responsible for these bets. espn, peter gammons, and those motherf*ckers who created daytime weekday baseball should be paying my tab. i will be sending out a letter asking peter gammons to call my bookie and square up with him because i am not paying shit. did i mention - i hope aj burnett gets hit by a f*cking truck, preferably driven by juan guzman and tony fernandez? i want to go on record and say that dominican relief pitchers are about as useless as "simply suds" dick after a fifth of bacardi. go to hell bookies across the country, for i will have my day in the sun soon enough............