Best Olympian Ever or Beneficiary of Circumstances?

Okay, I get it. Mike Phelps is a great swimmer. Probably the best in the world right now. But with the breaking of Mark Spitz’s record there’s the claim that Phelps is the best Olympian ever. He might be…but what are we basing that on? I’m not even 100% sure what that means. Does it mean that Phelps is the best athlete that’s ever competed in the Olympics? I mean if the Olympics are the hallmark athletic event and you’re being dubbed the best Olympian ever I guess that means you’re the best athlete right?

Its clear that Phelps is a freak of nature and has completely bent his sport over and had his way with it. However, if I was an athlete either competing in this Olympics or in the past I’d be friggin’ livid about dubbing Phelps the best Olympian ever. Lets see, Phelps has a record 8 gold medals which means he’s had at least 8 chances (actually he swam 17 times so he had 17 chances!) to medal. What if you make the Olympics as a soccer, hockey or baseball player? Last time I checked you only win one medal for winning those events.

I’m not all that well versed in the arts of swimming but I get that for Phelps to win 8 medals he has to use different skill sets in each race. But isn’t baseball a five tool sport? Don’t all sports require a variety of athletic ability? You don’t also get a gold for most home runs hit or most bases stolen. If you did it might level out the playing field if you’re basing the title Best Olympian Ever solely on medal count.

I guess we should just give Phelps the limelight for the next 5 days. After all what’s really out there for him when he comes home? Being the spokesperson for USA swimming? Baseball, football and basketball are so big in this country the NHL can barely keep its head above water so I don’t think swimming has a chance in hell of getting a piece of the pie. Also, how often are we really going to talk about Phelp’s accomplishment…..2 weeks? A month…. maybe? How often did you hear Mark Spitz’s name until a week before the Olympics?

So in closing well done Mike Phelps. You definitely killed it this Olympics. I’m not ready to give you the title of Best Olympian Ever BUT I hope you can leverage this performance into getting some poon so you can stop slobbering all over your gross sisters and mom. I’ll look forward to watching highlights of your performance every four years.

Orlando

Finally….Somebody Gets It!

If you haven’t heard yet Swedish Greco-Roman wrestler, Ara Abrahamian, pulled a classic hissy fit after winning bronze today. During the award ceremony, after he was given the bronze medal, he packed up his marbles, stormed off and threw his medal to the ground. I first came across this story while getting pretty lit in an airport bar so I didn’t get any sound. At first glance I thought this was the first act of protest, during the games, against the current situation in China. To be honest I was almost interested for 2 seconds then I figured if some crazy psycho was going to protest the games the least they could do is streak an event, or punch a Chinese person in the face on TV but this?? C’mon dude, throwing a medal is so (sigh) predictable.

However! After further review it turns out this pud was just pissed he didn’t win gold. I don’t blame him. I play to win too. Some people would say just medaling in the Olympics is a symbol of a lifelong achievement. We have a name for those people where I come from. Losers. He’s claiming the judges screwed him and he may have a point. The three judges were from Switzerland, Cuba and Canada. Put those three countries in a room together and all bets are off. Its rumored Abrahamian flashed the blood hand sign to the judges after he stormed off. The Win Column Olympic Correspondent couldn’t be reached to confirm or deny this claim.

In his only comments post match he said “This will be my last match. I wanted to take gold, so I consider this Olympics a failure”. Personally I like his style. I’ve been living my life by a new rule for the past 6 months. If you can’t win just quit. So kudos to you Ara. Well played good sir. Let that be a lesson for all you kids out there. If something doesn’t work out just quit, sulk and have a Swedish meatball.

Busily,

Orlando

Even Air Jordan Did it Twice

I'll admit, this is a very sad day for me....even though none of you should really give a damn....or judging by the current state of this sorry excuse for a website, will ever get to read this. I've decided to hang up my blogging jersey for the 2nd time in 10 months. They say you should go out on top, when the game just isn't fun for you anymore. Well, we never came anywhere close to the top, but just like COUGAR in Top Gun.....I've got to turn in my wings. To quote him exactly...."I've lost the edge."

If you fellas decide to keep living the dream, you all have my support, and I'll be sure to write funny comments and make fun of all of your misery. It's been real, it's been fun, and you're all still a bunch of perverted prick fucks!